Thread: Hi everyone! I'm a newbie!

Hi
I would really love to make some contact with people who have partners in the forces. Mine is due to go to Afghan in 4 weeks, and I don't have anyone in a similar situation to me to talk to about it. My emotions are all over the place, one minute so scared of how its going to be being apart for 4 months, to then trying to convince myself to be positive and I'll get through it somehow. I have been with my partner for just over a year, and must admit have found going out with someone in the forces challenging, it's just the separtion that gets me down sometimes. He has been in the RAF for 12 years now and previously married for 10 of those so he is more than used to the separation whereby its all new to me and I don't know anyone who has a partner in the forces so my friends dont really understand at all. Currently we don't see each other for a week at a time as he is at Brize and I'm up in Nottingham which is hard enough, but 4 months, I am full of dread..
It would be great to find new friend on here in a similiar situation who I can share my feeling with, my hopes, dreams and fears for the next few months..
Miss M x

Hi Miss M and welcome to RP

Mr D and I do the weekly commute at the moment so I can understand it sometimes getting you down.
The old advice of time flies when you are having fun is so true! So find yourself lots of nice things to do when he is away! He will be kept very busy and its a good idea for you to do the same.

Taking up a new hobby or just arranging lots of fun girlie weekends means the four months will be over in a blink of an eye.

The other most important tip from the ladies (and lads) on here will be invest in some pencils. As with forces life normally (as I am sure you would have found out by now) things change at short notice a LOT!

Now as I am working form home I will have a strawberry cider thanks xx

Thanks Dizzy Chick!
I aim to be very busy for the 4 months, very busy. Going to through myself into work and party hard at the weekends and catch up with mates I havent seen for a while!! lol I think I'm scared of us drifting apart, that it's just going to be too long away from each other ..I don't know how its going to feel. We have booked a holiday for 2 weeks after he gets back, I did wonder if it's a good idea as things change like you said, in fact every single thing has so far Grrrrrr I guess I can't forsee the future in terms of our relationship, no one can, just got to try and get my head around that!!

Enjoy your cider hun! xx

Welcome to RP and hi

2 years of a commuting relationship, + demands of the Navy killing some weekends/recalled from leave + 5.5 months through a deployment with a guy that was used to being away but for me, this is my first.

No one in my friends has a "forces" relationship or one with long separations...

Sound familiar?

The good news is you aren't alone and with a little effort, you get through it, there will be good day and shite days and then the omg we are nearly there days... it's all normal!

I too am working from home today and think that a strawberry gin on a snowy day, sounds great.

Hi and welcome to RP.

My OH is doing the weekly commute as well (although not this weekend as he has duty) - not had to deal with a deployment yet thankfully. I'm also the only one in my group of friends who has this kind of relationship and it's like I'm an exhibit in a zoo sometimes

This place is a god send - hope you stick around!

I honestly don't mind what I drink - I'm to cold to care!

xxx

Thanks Feisty One
Just so reassuring to know I'm not alone in how I feel!! Thanks guys for making me feel welcome too. I know we have a few weeks to go and just got to make them extra special memories for when he's away, but the rollercoaster of emotions are so hard. My partner is very level headed where as I'm a bit emotional..lol, got to try and hide it though. You all sound so strong on here, but I guess you have been through it, and come out of the other side and know it's all gonna be ok.
One thing I can see is that relationships with people in the forces seem very strong..got to have an amazing relationship and love for each other to withstand the separation!!
And I'm working from home today too!! And strawberry gin sounds good, where did you get that from?
XX

Thanks Squirrel Pigeon!!
I feel better already just from a few replys from you girls, thanks so much much..you don't know what it means. I will definately be sticking around! xx

I know right now 4 months feels like a lifetime but actually you'll find it's not that long. Think of it in terms of weekends (because if that's when you see him that's all you'll be missing out on) so it's 16 weekends. I always reduce everything down to days (as i know a lot of others do) purely because it means you get a day closer every single day.

It will probably take you a couple of weeks to get into the swing of things then just as you've started to enjoy doing your own thing he'll be back under your feet annoying you again. I always find the first two weeks and the last two weeks the hardest. The bit inbetween seems to just happen without me realising it.

I am a tad concerned that you're questioning your relationship. If you start doing that before he even goes you will drive yourself absolutely crazy while he is away. Other relationships on here only seem strong because we don't let the doubts take hold. Mr Tree and I have been together 4 years, married 3 and have a 2 year old together and I STILL get that 'shit my haircut didn't go to plan, I've gained a few pounds and I've got a spot' panic before he comes back from being away but spending four months thinking the seperation is going to change us both so we won't want each other any more would probably make me start planning for 'what if's' rather than focusing on all the good things we're going to do together.

If you really love him and think you can hack the life he leads, then you don't SEE the future with him, you MAKE it.

Welcome!!!! you will fit right in!

We did the whole wkly commute, then lived together, i moved, never thought i would move for a man, then Afghan got in the way, and i moved back South, so, we might be doing the weekly commute again... anyway! it doesn't matter, it makes you stronger, makes you appreciate your time together so much more, you can spend quality time together. Trust me, it flys by too, keep busy, keep a pencil to hand and an emergency bottle of gin/voddie/whisky/whatever is your tipple, as you will need it sometimes!

Do not question your relationship, and I do believe that sink or swim is a good method to see how you cope!! You will cope, you have to, if it is important enough to you, you can do what you want!

Mine is a large glass of prosecco please

Miss P xxxxx

Thanks Special Tree
Your right, I am going to drive myself crazy.. I'm just scared I guess and find it hard to trust, but I'm slowly getting their with him cos he is SO amazing :0) and I knew this was coming so I've just got to 'man up!! We have loads to look forward to when he gets back, a holiday and house hunting!!!!!
You have given me some very wise advice there, and I need to take it because you are so right!
xxx

See Miss M this is where you are going wrong! You start the house hunting whilst he is away and weedle out all the houses you wouldn't live in in a million years

My g*t bag husband is in UK on a course at the moment and has started to look at houses at the weekend, and we haven't sold mine yet!

Back to the topic, keeping busy is the key. You'll see a thousand threads on this, and they will probably all say the same.

Hello hun!!

I've just replied to your reply on my thread, lol, but just wanted to say hello on here too.

Mr.K and I do the weekly commute too, so I completely understand where you are coming from. This week has been rubbish because I was supposed to see him last night before he's off on exercise until the 23rd, but then he had to clean up someone else's mess and work late, so didn't get to see him. Gutted. Just feels like what precious little time we have left is disappearing before my eyes, and I am getting more and more anxious by the day. I kinda expected we'd have the time before he goes together, but no chance, not with all the exercises he's having to go on... rarrrrr ...

And breathe ... lol

But really ... you are NOT alone!!

You are very right to look ahead, book that holiday, make plans for when he gets back. We have been looking at houses, as we are going to take the plunge and buy our first house when he gets back, it's going to be crazy because he has two little boys (6 and 4) and I have a little boy (4) so we have a nice big family now and looking to buy a new "family" car and planning camper van holidays and a bike holiday in Europe, and all sorts of exciting things, keeps us both focussed on the future ... and makes Afghan just look like an anoying speck that we've got to get through before we can live our lives together xx

Oh ... and mine's a voddie cranberry please

Originally Posted by Gonzo

You start the house hunting whilst he is away and weedle out all the houses you wouldn't live in in a million years

I've spent since last June and not found the place I want yet - arrrgghhh

Oddly I'm hoping to look at a house that's too small, old and in need of repair, doesn't meet any of the criteria I set bar lovely garden but I'm strangely drawn to it... because if we save up, we could extend it to meet the criteria...

So I'm looking at a 2 up 2 down wreck, with a 1 cabinet kitchen, 1950's carpets, 1960's wallpaper and 1970's furniture... if I buy it while he's away.... lol, well at least I've shown it to him!

But yes, look while he's not here, it will pass the time for one thing and let you learn areas you will/will not live.

Strawberry gin - I make my own, I put the recipe in the recipe section somewhere...

Originally Posted by Feisty one

So I'm looking at a 2 up 2 down wreck, with a 1 cabinet kitchen, 1950's carpets, 1960's wallpaper and 1970's furniture... if I buy it while he's away.... lol, well at least I've shown it to him!

Lordie. LMAO!! But I can understand the attraction. fraction of the cost of one that would be ready to move straight into, wouldn't cost as much to do it up to that standard, plus you get to put your own stamp and design on it ... I am qualified in Interior Design, so I get ya (and if you need any help, give me a shout!)

Hmm ... I wonder what Mr. K would say if I sent him something like that and bought it while he was away ... bahahahaha ... just the thought of it makes me crease up. I might find something like that and send it to him ... His face. Ooooohhhhhh too funny!!

Hi Medic K
Thanks so much for your reply..my other half goes the week before yours, but would have been lovely to meet up and have a sob together lol!

We have so much in common too, we have been house hunting for our rather large family..he has 3 kids (3,6,7) and I have 1 who's 13, so we've got the big family car that we can fit in for time together. Thing is we have found the perfect house, so just got to hope its still available when he gets back in the summer and I can sell mine quick!! Arghhhh so yes Afghan has come at the most inconventient time Grrrrrrr lol!

We have lots to look forward to when hes back, our holiday in Turkey ( sooooooo excited!!) camping holiday with all the kids, Bestival and maybe a house too. We are going to be officially living together when he gets back at my house ( well apart from the weeks apart, he's on shift at Brize 6 on 6 off) but then need something bigger and want to buy together too.

Do you know what, I know I'm going to get through this now I have found this site and you guys, I had such a wobble last night and felt soooo alone . Thannks everyone xxxxxx

Oh mines a GnT please!!

Believe me, if the dream house we have already found has gone, I will have searched high and low for some alternatives for when he's backl!! Hee hee!
We might still keep mine and have a joint mortgage, its just not got enough bedrooms for all the kids, but I have a huge basement that could be renovated for my adorable Kevin the Teenager, It might be the cheaper option and I do love my old house, its a victorian semi and got the nice big old room with high ceilings, and some characte, the house we've seen for all the tribe is brand spanking new...so we will see!
xxx

Hello MIss M

know where you're coming from, with the weekly commute and first time away. Me and Mr S did the commuting thing for the first 3 years, then once I moved down to his last posting, he then goes away once every 9-10 months. I'm now on my 4th time away and he goes in about 2 weeks.
I would have gone mad if it weren't for here, so your defiently in the right place.

To be honest I find it harder missing him when he is in the UK, when he is away away, there's not much I can do, not like I can go see him. I try not to get bothreed about things I can't control.

I'l have a white wine please!

Ooh, well, if you're going to Bestival then I will definitely see you. I work for the Medical team at a few festivals through the year, and Bestival is one that I am definitely working this year. Did you go last year?? It was SHIT!!! Lol!

See ... looking at it as a slight blip, and an inconvenience, rather than the end of the world. We will both be absolutely fine

Don't feel bad about having a wobble, though, I am sure we will have loads. It's the picking up and dusting off that is important. I amways just think that Mr. K has it far, far worse, stuck in that sweaty hell hole for months on end. Also, I only have to miss him. One person. He has to miss me, his boys, his family, his friends ... must be horrendous!! So I must must must stay strong and positive for him x

Hi Spanner
Does it get any easier on your 4th time? Hope so!!
I think may be a little easier when your married and have the support from other wives on camp, and you can get all the social support too. All my friends keep doing is giving me a sad smile and say you'll be ok, absence makes the heart grow fonder. So it's great to chat to ladies who actually understand.
I like you philiosphy, dont worry about things you cant control, I'm gonna try that xxx