Thread: New to deployment with extra worries!!!

My hubby deployed to Afghan yesterday just three days after our 16 year old daughter was diagnosed with cancer for the third time in two years!!! To say I am struggling is an understatement. He has been in the RAF for 27 years but we have only been together 3 1/2 years so prior to this 3 weeks is the longest I have known him to be away, however prior to meeting me he was on a squadron and away all the time (until his wife buggered off and left him and the kids and he had to come off the squadron). Not sure what I am looking for really on here - probably someone just to reassure me I am not alone and I will stop crying eventually!!!!!

Hayley x

Welcome to RP, before I say anything else, mines a G&T and get one for yourself, sounds like you need it.

I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through and the usual platitudes of keep yourself busy etc, just wouldn't cut it, but you really aren't alone and you will have days you cry and days you don't and days you want to cry but can't.... and every emotion in between.

My key has been regular (Navy allowing) e-mails to keep him in touch with my life, good and bad points and old fashioned (love) letters to write about feelings.

Obviously, you'd be fitting this around your daughter's needs, but do you know other families near that you can turn to for help when you need it, even just to let it all out to someone that understands can be a relief...

You take each day as it comes, they becomes weeks and eventually months, everyone copes in different ways, but you'll find lots of "ear's" to listen here, and if you don't need a reply, the "Moan" thread is fantastic to feeling it's out there and someone read it...

I hope all goes well for your family over the next months,

What the Feisty one said although I think I'll have a warming whisky please. Use this place for whatever you need even if it's just for a moan or a rant. We're here for whatever gets you through x

Hi and welcome!
As Feisty said - get yourself a drink. First thing to remember is that there is no normal circumstance or normal reaction (and most of us on here would shy away from that awful term normal anyway!) What you will find on here is plenty of men and women who have been through similar things even if the situations aren't always exactly the same. We know what it's like when someone we care and love is away doing their job and we are left to deal with what's left behind. It ain't always easy but we all muck in around here!
Cry if you need to - wallow if you need to...the only compulsory thing is to buy a drink at the bar! x

what the other ladies have said Obviously you're going through one hell of a tough time anyway and without your partner it only makes it harder. But I have found the ladies (and the odd gent) on here to be a hell of a lot more use than my hubby at times!

I'll have something very alcoholic please, I don't even care what it is after the day I've had!

Hayley, what the girls have said. Welcome!

It does/will get easier, promise! It is a huge emotional rollercoaster and you have other things to worry about.

Stay strong, cry, shout, laugh, shop, drink, eat, sing do whatever you feel like doing! You are not alone, the girls are fab here, and there is always someone here that will listen, offer advice, virtual hugs, man up advice, be at the bar, whatever you need!

Miss P xxx and give your daughter an extra special hug from all of us! xxxxx

Sussed out how to post then

you know where i am when you need to sound off, meet you in town for a coffee......have to bring my devil tho

chin up ....you're not alone xxx

Hello

Welcome to RP, firstly I'll have a white wine. Mr S is in the RAF not on squadron either but goes away quite regular at the moment.
Use the moan thread here if you want to let things out, it really does help to write it all down.
You've got more than the average worries on your mind at the moment, and the one person you want can't be there, no matter how much you'd like to magic him back. You will stop crying and your not alone.
spanner x

What that lot have said ^^^^

Welcome to RP. It's a brilliant place to have a rant and a moan when you don't want to burden the 'real' people. You'll find that some madheads may even make you smile when you really need it.

Orange juice and whatever you're having please :-) x

Hi and welcome to RP, major hugs xx

have a look at www.ebluey.com it maybe teaching you to suck eggs but they print off eblueys within 6hrs, so if you write one 1 day, it will get to him within 24hrs, vice3 versa really. My friend writes to me and i usually receive the letter within 48/72hrs x

HH,

I can't think how you must be feeling. I wish I could give you a big hug, maybe padme can do it for me

Welcome to the madhouse and feel free to rant away.

G xx

Thank you everyone - have sussed the e-blueys (well hopefully it says it has worked this end) - and was thrilled to be woken early this morning by a phone call from hubby (give it a week or two and he will get a severe bollocking for ringing so early!!!). Off to Addenbrookes today to see what/if they can do any more for my daughter It's good to know I am not alone - will disappoint you all though - I don't drink!!!!!! You can have mine xxx

Hope you get some positive news at the hospital today.
I loved the eblueys - I wrote them for daily witter and handwritten ones (I called them hand eblueys!) for romantic stuff. Don't forget that you can also send anything up to 2kgs for free from the post office!
You certainly are not alone - and there will be plenty of people to drink the alcoholic beverages! x

what a nightmare day - Bethany has been admitted to hospital with her second bout of shingles and I have no way of letting hubby know we are not at home if he rings up!!!! All this and its his birthday too!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

maybe you should nominate another person, that he can phone if you are in hospital, so he knows what's going on....

had no idea we were going in!

Sorry to have been so tardy - only noticed your post now because I've been really ill the past two weeks. Welcome to RP, Hayley.

I cannot imagine what you are going through right now. I've had the blues from being separated from my OH, and I've nursed my mum and my gran through cancer, but having had my boy in hospital before (for a cancer scare that thankfully turned out to be benign) I know that nothing else compares to when your kids get ill.

Certainly, feel free to come on here whenever the mood takes you - to share, to vent, to let it all go... I know from past experience that all the people on here will be there for you through thick and thin. But please make sure that you surround yourself with more tangible support in your immediate environment too - whether it be from family members, friends... even neighbours can help to lighten your load, by taking care of all those seemingly insignificant everyday details that all seem to gang up and threaten to overwhelm you when you have too much going on in your life.

I'll be sending good vibes your and your daughter's way from now on. Other than that, I can only echo what's been said above by others... keep your OH up to date with frequent emails/e-blueys/letters - I know that this past year is the closest I've ever come to keeping a diary, while my OH has been at RMAS, and it's been really helpful at times just to be able to write down everything that's been happening in my life and write down all of my feelings too.

Don't stress too much about the little things - I know how devastating it can be if you miss a phone call from him (and NO, civvies will NEVER understand this one), but just remember that you both know how you feel about each other, not just on birthdays and special occasions, but all the time. And in the greater scheme of things, that's all that matters. So focus on the things that really are important, instead of focusing on irrelevant window dressing.

About two years ago, while my OH was away with the Army Sailing Team, he sent me a postcard saying, 'When the moon shines, look at it, and know I am looking at it also' (in Latin, though, so I had to Google it 'cos unlike him I didn't do bastard Latin at school!). Anyway, it's become our mantra, and the first line is inscribed on the inside of my engagement ring. Because whenever he is far away, and out of comms, I look up into the sky. And I know, wherever he is, he'll be doing the same.

Strongs in the days to come. We’re here for you.

Bethany has come out of hospital today. Still at the stage where each day of hubby being away is getting harder and I am reading too much into every msn conversation. Why didnt he ring me today, why just msn chat, why not web cam???? I will get over it - just need to remind myself I am new to all this!!!!

Ah, don't read too much into communication with him (or lack of it). He's busy and depending on where he is bandwidth is so crap 9 times out of 10 it won't support webcams. Actually, isn't Skype blocked?

Just remember, no news is good news. You've got enough on your plate at home without worrying about stuff which almost certainly isn't happening.

Hayley, the communication varies so much when they are out there. I've just gone from a phone call every other day to one a fortnight if I'm lucky.
We couldn't even get on msn, and if we did get to chat on FB, he was booted off the Internet every 10 mins or so as there are so many people on the Internet at times. and now he doesn't have Internet connection at all.

Try not to worry about it, you've got so much to cope with already.

Sending you a hug. I hope things get better for you x