Thread: Boyfriends in sandhurst....help!!

My boyfriend is hoping to go to sandhurst in jan...at the moment he has basically said that it will be too hard to maintain a relationship?? does anyone know how easy is it to keep your relationship in sandhurst? how much time do they get off? are they allowed to use phones or internet? I really want it to work is anyone else in this position or has been in the past, that can help me?

Hi Berly.s

Welcome to RP. Well my boyfriend isn't in Sandhurst he is in the Royal Marines and is currently in training.

We have found it pretty easy to maintain our relationship, in fact it's grown so much stronger. We only met 2 months before his training started.

I get a few texts from him every night and speak on the phone every other night or more, unless he's on exercise. I go to Exeter to see him every other weekend and he comes home when he's allowed. It can be hard but we make it work.

It'll only work if you both want it to though. If your hearts aren't in it, then it may not.

Good luck.

You've come the right place for advice

Feel free to ask any questions just PM me

Hi berly,

First of all welcome to RP.

It is hard to maintain a relationship while they're going through the factory, but it can be done, if you both want it to.

We have two members (that I can think of right now) who have partners there at the moment -sebstreet and moomin. I'm sure they'll be around to give you their words of wisdom over the next week or so - but at the moment its block leave at RMAS so they're not around as often as usual.

IIRC phones can only be used when 'off duty' so evenings, during the working day they're banned, I would guess same goes for internet access (I'm not sure what the facilities are on camp). Time off is very limited, they have to do initially 6 weeks before they have any leave - but on starting he'll get a planner to give a rough idea of when block leave will be but as mooms and seb found out recently it can and will be changed at short notice if the training requires it, added to that are AT weeks and exersizes which will overlap with leave periods.

Good luck and stick around, we'll do our best to help as much as we can in the run up.

P.S Mines a large vodka and pink wine.

Originally Posted by scuba_angel

P.S Mines a large vodka and pink wine.

What? Together?! Blimey scoobs things must be bad!

Moving on . . .

at the moment he has basically said that it will be too hard to maintain a relationship??

Call me a lovable old cynic, but I'd take this as a very loud warning signal. It's not impossible to keep a relationship going through Sandhurst, it's tough but so long as that's both what you want then you'll make it. If he's going in with the idea of jacking in your relationship then, sorry to be harsh, but I don't fancy your chances that much.

I'd sit him down and find out what's what if I were you.

Welcome to RP though You'll find loads of support on here.

Originally Posted by bodger

Originally Posted by scuba_angel

P.S Mines a large vodka and pink wine.

What? Together?! Blimey scoobs things must be bad!

Moving on . . .

at the moment he has basically said that it will be too hard to maintain a relationship??

Call me a lovable old cynic, but I'd take this as a very loud warning signal. It's not impossible to keep a relationship going through Sandhurst, it's tough but so long as that's both what you want then you'll make it. If he's going in with the idea of jacking in your relationship then, sorry to be harsh, but I don't fancy your chances that much.

I'd sit him down and find out what's what if I were you.

Welcome to RP though You'll find loads of support on here.

A whole week with the boy and another to come..... :lol:

I do agree with bodger though, if he doesn't want to make it work then it can't. But it might just he his nerves talking right now I know alot of people who've said a relationship can't survive Sandhurst and then found that it can albeit with some hard work and tears.

Welcome to RP.

I can but echo what the ladies above have stated.

My Grandparents kept their relationship going when my Grandfather was away for much of four years during WWII, long before the days of cell phones and the internet. Many of us here have nurtured relationships through long separations caused by deployment, training, (including RMAS) and exercises.

I can think of several reasons why he could be saying what he is saying.

It could be some kind of subconcious test, as in; 'does she love me enough to cope with this?'

It could be that he is doing what I would call the 'pre deployment focus' which could equally relate to taking on a huge and important life change, wherein he is mentally distancing himself from you, so he can deal with the task in hand without the distraction of a girlfriend.

He could be keeping his options open.

It could be altruism.

If it were me I'd ask him but I wouldn't get heavy about it. Wise young Soldiers and Officers marry the girl who they know they could leave without comms for months on end and who would get on with her life, whilst relying on her to remain devoted to him.

Hi Berly.s,

I have PM'd you with my 2c, hope it helps.

Sebastian

we talked about it a lot and he hasnt said that it def wont work, hes just said that it could be hard as he doesnt know how much time he will get off or how often we will get to see each other. but he said that he thinks when u first join the army it will take up a lot of his time and hes not sure what time he will have for other things. Ive asked him if he wants it to work and he said of course he does and he hopes it will. I gather that its set into terms? does anyone know what time they get off during term time?

What happens after sandhurst? i know they join a reg, but are they allowed to move in with their partners straight away after this?

You're looking at least 18 months away before he gets to his unit/reg and depends where it is if he'll get permission to live out or not.

Sandhurst is divided into three terms... Juniors, Inters and Seniors. Each term has 3 'long' leave weekends (usually thurs night til sunday, and usually at weekends 5, 8 and 12 - though as i experienced this year that is not always the case). After the first 5 weeks they also sometimes get sundays off, but if you don't live nearish they aren't much good.

Junior term is apparently the worst for contact - long periods without phones - only a few texts a week - a phonecall if you're lucky. However i am told it gets better in Inters and they also get internet access then too. If they are away on exercise it's no comms though.

It is also not uncommon for cadets to get Backtermed (Made to re-do the term due to missing/failing something important) or held back due to injury.

It is hard work, you need to have bags of trust and faith in your relationship - if either party has any doubts it probably won't work. You need to be prepared to support your other half and try not to feel neglected/hurt when they can't be there for you.

If you have any questions drop me a PM. Me and my OH have just got through Junior term. We've seen each other 5 times since May but so far so good!!

Hi,

In line with the other post's he can make contact with you during his time at RMAS. Difficult in the first few weeks as he will be under a lot of pressure learning new skills which to him will be time consuming.

However all cadets are given some down time and if his admin is squared away he will be able to keep in touch. There is also plenty of time to be old fashioned and write a letter.

I was an instructor at RMAS and if he wants to make it work he can.

M

I agree with bodger - he has to want to make it work.

my guy went to sandhurst in jan - and we're still together?! i mean it obviously depends on what kind of relationship you have - if your not strong enough or serious about eachother, then of course it wont work. But know it is possible!

As the others have said, sandhurst is 3 terms...junior, inter, senior... almost like 1st, 2nd and 3rd years.
If he goes in jan, he should graduate in december (but obv depends if he gets injured or sent back a term).
Everyone who goes in, in for example jan, are split into a few smaller groups (platoons) of people and will stay with that platoon for the entirety (unless injured or are naughty)
At the beginning they have poster calenders and on there are dates when they have "leave weekends"-these are planned dates and they will have 2/3 days off (unless they're naughty)

First off, you intially wont see them for the first 6 weeks, they wont really have time for the internet at the start and as to wether or not they have phones is dependent on who in charge of their platoon.
Mine only had his phone in the evenings during the 1st term, then in his second term he had it all the time.
After the first 6 weeks are over, they will have the occasional weekend off (by weekend i mean sat to sun) between the leave weekends.
During their time there they will go on execises, trips etc in which
Between each term they have 3-4 weeks off and each time, one of those weeks has to spent adventure training (rock climbing or something).

Emotionally it has its ups and downs, and you both have to accept it and help eachother through.
He will be pushed to his mental and phyiscal limit, and will learn the true meaning of "tired and exhausted".
You have to be his rock, give him advice and support him. Keep him focussed on the light at the end.
But he also has to realise that he is living in a bubble whilst at sandhurst and needs to remember that you will need support also as the world is still going round on the outside.

Erm...think that's enough of an essay for now lol!!! Hope it works out for you x

Hi there!
My boyfriend is starting at Sandhurst too this year (in ten days, to be precise.... fuck!) and am feeling nervous too... but I think I agree with the others; if you want it to work, it will. I'm not so much afraid of breaking up, just afraid of how much I'm going to miss him! We were already long-distance for most of this year while I was studying abroad, and having just read one of the forum threads about smelling their clothes, the boyfriend-pillow etc, I know where they're coming from! Except this time there will be even less contact....

anyone else out there whose OH is on this intake too ?

Also, someone mentioned that they do actually have time to write letters - how easy is it for them to send and receive them? I was planning to send him off with two or three SA, stamped envelopes with blank paper in the hope that he would write me at least a couple of lines...

Oh, and hi! OH told me about rearparty a few months back but I was still in the denial stage so only ever had a quick look without ever actually registering...

Welcome... dont ask me why i am on here late at night!

My OH is just about to start the 2nd term, so read back and i am sure you will find some of my old threads! Perfectly easy for them to receive mail, in fact i think they quite like it - especially in the first 5 weeks - send chocolate because they're not allowed to the shop!

I sent my OH with stamped addressed envelopes - only got one letter the whole term, and that was about half way through. Hoping for more this term!!! So don't hold your breath!

If you have any questions or concerns feel free to drop me a PM

Thanks Moomin! Just need to get hold of an address now, particularly as we said goodbye yesterday and I forgot to sort out the SAEs...

I did my goodbyes yesterday also.

Address is...

OCdt J. Bloggs
Platoon number, company (you will have to get these from your chap - though if you just put Intake CC 103 it should get there)
Old College
RMAS
Camberley
GU15 4PQ

So how awful were those first five weeks? ..

Right my boyfriends just gone into sandhurst as of yesterday.

Last year when he decided that this was what we wanted, we initially split on the grounds that I didnt want him to go in and he wanted to. Then we got back together once i came to my senses. Because I hurt him, he worried in the run up to sandhurst but as I have my own life in cambridge and i am at uni- I have plenty to keep myself busy with.

My other half has learned that I can let him go and get on with my own life and lucky for me this means he wants to be around me when he can.

My relationship has gone from strength to strength because we both do what makes ourselves happy and respect one anothers space.

The old saying "if you love something let it go, if it comes back to you its yours" is true.

if he is lacking faith then tell him thats cool- he needs to do what is right for him. He will learn to want you there or not- but you have to respect his decision.

More than that- get on with your own life- dont live it through him alone xxxxx

Hey there,
I'm fairly new to this site, I also have a bf who has just gone off to sandhurst this September. I miss him so much, but I'm so happy that he is allowed his phone every night even though we can only talk for about 5 mins after midnight it makes all the difference. We were in a long distance relationship before he went as I live in scotland and he lives in england, but we spent the whole of the summer together to make the most of before he went.

He told me yesterday that he isn't allowed to recieve any post for the first 5 weeks which I was really gutted about cause I had just written him a long letter saying everything I haven't been getting the chance to say on the limited phonecalls. I'm not sure if that applies to everyone there though, I'd ask your bf if he's allowed to recieve letters.

I'm booking my flight to visit him in 5 weeks time today, I can't wait! They apparently get out on Thursday 14th october until sunday 17th. After that they are potentially out weekend 8 and 12, but its still to be confirmed!