Thread: partner leaving in february

hi everyone, this is my first post and was hoping somebody could give me some advice.
my partner is leaving for his basic training on feb 21st and i am not sure exactly how i feel. we have been together for 7 years and have 2 chldren and i am 20 weeks pregnant with our third (unplanned). i am so proud of how much effort he has put in to joining the army but cant help feeling nervous about how i am going to cope when he leaves and keep staying strong and positive for him. i am trying not to let him know when i am feeling down about things because i dont want it on his mind that i wont be able to cope without him, i know how focused his mind needs to be about what he is doing.
any help with how to keep strong would be really appreciated

Hiya, welcome to RP x

thank you. was reading through alot of the posts and everyone seems really nice and helpful.

Welcome to RP. We're lovely, but don't tell anyone - it's a secret.

You will cope because you have to for all your kids, and for your OH. Don't think he won't worry about you because he will, but he needs to focus on his training. It may seem a little selfish to you but he needs to try and cut you and the kids from his mind, or at least put you to the back.

You may have to rely much more on friends and family than you have done in the past, but that is the real answer I think. Create your circle of trust and use it. Get a parent (yours or his) to babysit once in a while. Make plans for what to do with the kids when you need to have scans or appointments - especially for the birth of your new one. And don't forget we are here for a moan!


Now, get the mulled wine in, it's your round!

Welcome, I second what Legs said. For me though I'll have a soft drink and Legs or Boogie can have my share of the booze.

Sam xx

Hi and welcome to RP!

I find the worst bit of separation is what goes on before he actually leaves. Your mind manages to conjure up all manner of scenarios which won't actually happen! My OH left last month for Afghanistan and the thought of 9 months without any physical support from him was a bit unnerving, but it's not so bad. 'Stuff' happens where normally you'd have him to fall back on, but you just shift up a gear and get it dealt with.

Keep your good friends close to you and use them when you need to.

thank you for you reply's, its nice to hear from people who are going through it and coping fine.
i do have a couple of close friends who i can talk to and rely on but i'm extremely glad that i have this place to come and talk because as lovely and supportive as my friends are they just dont completely understand it all.
the waiting for him to leave definitely isnt nice and part of me just wants the date my OH goes to come quicker so i can start learning how to deal with things on my own.
i really fell like its going to help me cope alot better being able to come on here and have a chat though.
thanks again to everyone xx

Originally Posted by blackwidow

waiting for him to leave definitely isnt nice and part of me just wants the date my OH goes to come quicker so i can start learning how to deal with things on my own.

I don't think you'll find many wives/husbands who haven't felt that way. Don't dwell on it for now, enjoy Christmas and start thinking about it a week before he leaves!

Thanks for the offer of booze Sammi but Im still breastfeeding so make mine a small un!

Welcome to RP, you will cope because you have to, you will have days where you are down but you just learn to get on with it.

My husband is down the Falklands half way through a tour, due back the end of Feb, he went when our little boy was 8 weeks old which was heartbreaking, I feel emotional at the minute with Christmas and wish he were here but you cant dwell on it.

I dont really have the support of family and friends here as I live 6 hours from my parents and a couple of hours from my friends but Henry keeps me busy and I just plan things, I feel like a single parents but I know my hubby is coming home so you just do your best.

Me and my OH were together for 7 years when he decided to join, we've 3 kids and now 12 months on we are married, living in Germany and I am waiting for him to go to the sandy place in March. It's been hard but I've managed ok, all these other ladies have more experience but I agree with them just get on with things, the kids WILL do your head in but then again they do your head in when he's home too!!!! On the up side I have already made many new friends and so have the kids, money is better than in his last job and I'm still at the stage of thinking my husband looks sexy as **** in his uniform!! Chin up things will be hard but good. xx

after reading what you have all put i have definitely made a point of not worrying how close its getting to him going or how hard its going to be and i have started concentrating on whats going on now, so thank you all for that.

and definitely looking forward to how good he's going to look, thats a good focus point! :lol:

i'm also looking forward to how good its gonna be seeing him after he is away for a bit coz we usually spend quite a lot of time together so missing him is probably gonna be a good thing, i can imagine getting butterflies again like you get in the early days

Know how that feels! My hubby left in nov 4 training! We have 3 kids and been together 12 yrs. Keeping busy with my kids etc but doesnt stop me missin him like mad. He came home 4 2 weeks xmas tho and i was like a schoolgirl lol!! Downside is he went bk tues and have to get used to bein without him all over again

well its only a week till he goes now and i'm officially panicking. i know it will be ok in the end but i've been used to having him with me for 8 years, and the unknown is so scary.

Don't panic!! Look at it this way, you'll be doing nothing that you haven't before, you'll just not have him around to keep you company/criticise/annoy you while you're doing it. Deep breaths, it'll all be OK!

thats true, im going to have to remember that, and the fact that i'm gonna have complete control of the remote! thats got to be a major plus point