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Discuss I'm new to all this and feel out of my depth! in Welcome on Rear Party; Yeh, I'm really looking forward to this weekend now I've arranged some nice things to do. It's distracted me from dwelling too much on the serious talks that we will also have to do. If ...
  
  1. #21
    Senior Member sushiwo's Avatar
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    Re: I'm new to all this and feel out of my depth!

    Yeh, I'm really looking forward to this weekend now I've arranged some nice things to do. It's distracted me from dwelling too much on the serious talks that we will also have to do.

    If he's going a long way away we may as well make the most of this weekend while we have the chance.

  2. #22
    Senior Member choc-chip-cookie's Avatar
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    Re: I'm new to all this and feel out of my depth!

    have a great weekend x
    choc-chip cookie x

    Some people are like slinkies, they're really good for nothing...but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs!

  3. #23
    Junior Member racing_carr's Avatar
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    Re: I'm new to all this and feel out of my depth!

    OMG Sushiwo! I completely understand where you are coming from! I am in exactly the same position- been going out just over a year, and he is just about to finish his phase2....

    Its quite scary isn't it?! I hope your man gets somewhere that will be quite convenient. I met my OH in the town where I live now. I moved down from scotland about 3.5 years ago for my job and now I do feel like I might have to make some sacrifices with my work in order to have a happy home life.

    When do you find out then? My man has only got a few weeks left/ driver training and then thats it! I don't have a clue what we're gonna do- I'm hoping to look for new job or something and maybe try moving there in my own accomodation. Feels like starting again-will have no friends for a while but hopefully that won't last too long Have to admit I'm brickin it!

    I'm having the same summer holiday fiasco!! Can't book anything and its doing my head in! I just soooo want to be with him for longer than 2 consecutive days!!!!

    Good luck girly, and feel free to PM racing_carr@yahoo.co.uk

    Exciting/unsettling/lonely/whatever!

  4. #24
    Senior Member sushiwo's Avatar
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    Re: I'm new to all this and feel out of my depth!

    Hey racing_car,

    I pm'ed you. Good to hear from someone in same position!

  5. #25
    Senior Member sushiwo's Avatar
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    Re: I'm new to all this and feel out of my depth!

    Just found out... He'll be posted about five hours away. Not sure how I feel about it just yet. I need some time to let it sink in.

    I'm mostly just relieved to know one way or the other. I haven't slept more than 4hrs a night in the last two weeks so I'm hoping that I can finally get a decent night sleep!

  6. #26
    Member OnceAPadsBrat...'s Avatar
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    Re: I'm new to all this and feel out of my depth!

    hi, hope you feel a lot better now knowing his posting, and can talk about your plans together.
    I've been in long distance relationships (one a soldier, and one a civvie) and can understand your current situation. Mine worked out OK, now married, I moved to be with him, luckily i'm an uncivil servant, so could get a transfer quite easily.
    I love the quote about plans being written in pencil its sooo true. Plans can change-thats why pencils have erasers on the end! I still keep boxes, for packing purposes 'when we move'-drives my hubby nuts. I had memorised the train timetable for the West Coast line, and got terriffic use out of my young persons railcard.
    You have to be flexible if you are involved with a soldier,(ooerr missus). Weekends together are precious-enjoy, and the weekdays for catching up...on friends, sleep, alcohol detoxing etc!!

  7. #27
    Senior Member sushiwo's Avatar
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    Re: I'm new to all this and feel out of my depth!

    We had a big talk this weekend. Nothing has really been resolved other than we're going to carry on seeing each other in a long distance relationship and see how it goes. When I say things haven't been resolved, I mean that I still feel unresolved in my head. I have lots of worries -mainly that neither of us know how long he will serve for. Currently he has 3 years but the second part of his training depends on signing for another 4. He doesn't know yet whether he will sign up again for the second part so I don't know whether I'm looking at 3 or 7 years. (I know to some people on here that must seem like pathetic when their OHs have done maybe 10 or 20 years, so apologies to you guys if you think I'm whining about nothing!)

    I love him too much to try and affect any decision he might make about that. I don't want to hold him back. But then I want to pursue my own career and ambitions which I think will mean always being in a long distance relationship with him. My career means I won't be able to keep relocating and I need to be in or near to a big city in order to get work. I feel like I can manage three years long distance but putting my life on hold for seven years seems like a huge sacrifice.

    To put this in context -I see him roughly once a month, which is just twelve times a year. Obviously his tours overseas will take a big chunk out of that. What if I stick it out for three years and then he decides to stay on for another four?!

    We ended our talk with me saying that he should put his career before me and him saying that I should put my career before him. That puts us at stalemate. So what are we doing? Still carrying on in this impossible situation as breaking up is not an option. He's the only one I ever want.

    What the F*** do I do?!

  8. #28
    Senior Member Only_me's Avatar
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    Re: I'm new to all this and feel out of my depth!

    Unfortunately hon, noone can answer that question except you xx

  9. #29
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    Re: I'm new to all this and feel out of my depth!

    If you've decided to stay together then you need to find a way to make it work for you. Myself and the wonderful Mr K work about 2 hours apart. We own a house together where I work and he lives in the block during the week. It works fine for us although he's leaving the army next year partly because he wants to spend more time at home (me giving up my career isn't an option either of us would be happy with at the moment and he's done 12 years and is quite keen to try something, anything, else).

    I've lost count of the number of people who look at me with pity and say 'oh, I don't know how you do it'. This fecks me off no end as I'm quite happy to have my own space during the week and in a perverse way almost enjoy missing him as it reminds me how much I love him. There's no point measuring your relationship agaist anyone else's whether they're in the army or not. If you're both happy then that's all that matters and you'll last the distance. I know I'd rather have one day a year with Mr K than a whole year with anybody else and that keeps me going when he's away.

  10. #30
    Senior Member dizzyblonde's Avatar
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    Re: I'm new to all this and feel out of my depth!

    hiya, there is no easy answer, there never will be & if u find one - guarenteed it will change the next day.
    sorry to be of no help, my fella made a career choice soley for its location (meant he could commute home most days), then a month later they relocate the unit further away, making it too far to commute. they basically changed our next 12yrs just like that.
    i think unless u are going to do the full on forces wife (married patch, constant moving etc) then it is just the way it is. im finding it hard to get my head around it, we're getting married in Aug and we both thought that we had it made, with him being able to live the civvie life with me every eve but still do his job
    the tours i can deal with, they have a time period and an end they are not nice at all but i can deal with that (kind of )
    i don't know what else to say really, you love each other so you will just get on with it... some how. x

  11. #31
    Senior Member sushiwo's Avatar
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    Re: I'm new to all this and feel out of my depth!

    Quote Originally Posted by kazzam
    I know I'd rather have one day a year with Mr K than a whole year with anybody else and that keeps me going when he's away.
    That is really cool and made me smile.

    It puts into words why I know that I have to muddle through this despite knowing how much heartache and separation lies ahead. We talked about the scenario of splitting up and neither of us could ever imagine ever wanting anyone else but each other.

    I guess there is no easy answer.

    If I moved to London, we would only be 2 hours apart and I could still find work. Maybe a compromise is the best solution?

    Everyone's stories on this site have been an inspiration and reassurance to me. Some of you guys are strong as rock to have made a success of relationships through distance, separation, and uncertainty, and often for so many years.

  12. #32
    Member OnceAPadsBrat...'s Avatar
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    Re: I'm new to all this and feel out of my depth!

    You're absloutely right, there is no easy answer.
    Glad to hear you and you OH are talking about your decision/moves together. Only you can make the decision about what to/not to do.

    It is wonderful now living with my hubby, though I have fond memories of the anticipation and excitement of meeting each other again when our relationship was conducted at long distance.

    good luck with your plans/decision making, be happy !

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