Thread: Hi, I'm new & a bloody mess! NAVY

Hey there,

I'm blondiie, so glad I've found this site for a start!

My boyfriend left me on Monday to go to the Gulf for a 4 month deployment in the Royal Navy.

So basically I can't stop crying, I can't eat, I can't sleep.



We have been together almost 5 months and have fallen totally head over heels for each other, fell in love at the sea side and been pretty much inseprable since. When I first started to see him I knew he was going to be going away and I was fine cos we'd only been together so long and thought well i wont be that attached I'll be fine! It'l just be like him going on a holiday.

HOW WRONG WAS I?

We do like everything together and spend every minute hes back from Pommpey together, we both can't imagine doing anything without each other, like looking at cars we both look at our selves in them or houses or even just the rest of our lives.. You know when you just know hes the one?

He's told me I'm the one and even cried the morning he was going, hes never hugged me so tight it was just awful Sayin bye to all his family really made me angry in a way they are so used to it since hes been in 9 years now and pretty much had no sympathy for what I was feeling and I was so frustrated they were very like oh well itl be over soon!? It's only day 4 and I feel like I've lost a limb!!

Although his mam has been lovley and offered to meet up for lunch so I can sort of count down to that as pointer of doing something

He flew out to the middle east and I'm assuming they are all on there weeks leave out there as he was out the other night and text saying speak soon assuming his phone died out there? but since tuesday I'v not heard anything and would have thought that he would have called If he could have ? Insecurity a bit there I know Does anyone else know how long it takes for email ect to come through, as he did say while it was along side everything Is pretty much shut down so he wouldn't be able to access it? But he would as soon as he could.

I know It's only been 4 days and I probrably sound pathetic but I just needed to vent a bit.

Plus I keep trying to get into my house with his house keys, I went to work at 6am this morn to find I wasnt even ment to be there, I cant even look in the mirror with out blubbering, you know when you just feel so lost and like no one understands.

I feel like all I do is check my email to see if hes emailed and get angry when he hasnt, when I know hel be busy and will when he can, but you know when you just feel grr!

I love him so much and I just don't want to feel the way I'm feeling, I'm assuming It gets better when you can actually contact them on a reg basis, I just feel cut off as he can contact me but I can't just ring him you know?

Someone just tell me im being pathetic and need to get a grip!

Love Blondiie

:cry:

Oh go on then, I'll do it. Get a grip!

If it makes you feel any better I'm on the last day of what seems like a ridiculously long OH deployment and believe it or not I managed to come through it unscathed. Just like everybody else has and just like you will.

Give yourself a shake, put your sensible head on and just get on with stuff. The time will go by quicker if you've got a smile on your face and just crack on with life.

Welcome to RP by the way!

I wish I could come round and give you a hug! I clearly remember the first time my husband (long before he was my husband) was deployed after we met, and those first few weeks were tough. You don't know anybody in the same boat (excuse the pun!), you're not on a patch with the camaraderie that engenders, and it's all new to you.

All I can say is that it honestly does get easier and that the lack of comms is not uncommon. You'll hear from him as soon as he is able. Putting your head up, your shoulders back and saying 'right, I am going to make him proud of me!' is the way to start. It seems to me that the way to make a Servicemen who loves you, love you to the point where he could not contemplate life without you, is to prove that you can cope without him.

After numerous deployments my coping strategies are thus:

Write every night. Chatty, positive, cheerful letters. Get on with your life during the day, work or study hard, and when he creeps back into your mind think 'I'm going to focus on what I am doing now and I'll think about him when I am writing'.

Do something new. Whatever floats you boat. But something that you can talk to him about and a skill which will make you feel that you're not just surviving the deployment but making use of the time.

I keep a dictaphone in the kitchen and he takes one with him. When I get home from work, I turn it on and just chat as I am feeding our pets and preparing a meal, then I mail it on Fridays. My husband loves this. he hears the sounds of home and can listen to my voice (even though I am just rambling!) at will and I feel like I am talking to him.

Keep a shoe box on a table in the house and put something for him in it every day and then post it at the end of the week. Somehow that always makes me feel like I am doing something for him every day. I usually fill it with things like: pictures of the kids, socks (God alone knows what the do with socks in Theatre but they don't half go through them!) Immodium, wet wipes, sweets, books, magazines....

Be proud of yourself. You are holding the fort at home whilst your beloved does a job of which you can be proud. That makes you one of a select few in society and your role is worth doing well.

And...have that hug!

Thanks!

And lucky you I really cannot wait to see him off his ship at the jetty!

Writing this made me feel lots better feel i got stuff off my chest.

Just wrote him a letter, second one this week and he only went on Monday, what a loser.

But that also made me feel better Kept it light hearted and let him knew I'm trying my hardest & just to keep doing what hes doing and that I love and miss him and what I keep thinking about to get me through !

Thanks for the advice on what to do weekly to keep my mind occupied, hopefully once all the coms is sorted it will get easier, I'v decided I will write to him once a week probrably on my lowest day & send him a parcel once a month as this means the whole month I can be buying little tit bits to put in it! Also need to devolop some photos from out last weekend together! I'm sure he'd love to see them

Thanks very much and it means alot to know some other people are feeling the same way ! I know that may sound awful but no one really understands who I do talk to apart from my Mam who I'm sure really doesn't and is jsut trying ! Good old Mams eyy!

Thanks for hug, *big hugs back*

Originally Posted by Heli

I wish I could come round and give you a hug! I clearly remember the first time my husband (long before he was my husband) was deployed after we met, and those first few weeks were tough. You don't know anybody in the same boat (excuse the pun!), you're not on a patch with the camaraderie that engenders, and it's all new to you.

All I can say is that it honestly does get easier and that the lack of comms is not uncommon. You'll hear from him as soon as he is able. Putting your head up, your shoulders back and saying 'right, I am going to make him proud of me!' is the way to start. It seems to me that the way to make a Servicemen who loves you, love you to the point where he could not contemplate life without you, is to prove that you can cope without him.

After numerous deployments my coping strategies are thus:

Write every night. Chatty, positive, cheerful letters. Get on with your life during the day, work or study hard, and when he creeps back into your mind think 'I'm going to focus on what I am doing now and I'll think about him when I am writing'.

Do something new. Whatever floats you boat. But something that you can talk to him about and a skill which will make you feel that you're not just surviving the deployment but making use of the time.

I keep a dictaphone in the kitchen and he takes one with him. When I get home from work, I turn it on and just chat as I am feeding our pets and preparing a meal, then I mail it on Fridays. My husband loves this. he hears the sounds of home and can listen to my voice (even though I am just rambling!) at will and I feel like I am talking to him.

Keep a shoe box on a table in the house and put something for him in it every day and then post it at the end of the week. Somehow that always makes me feel like I am doing something for him every day. I usually fill it with things like: pictures of the kids, socks (God alone knows what the do with socks in Theatre but they don't half go through them!) Immodium, wet wipes, sweets, books, magazines....

Be proud of yourself. You are holding the fort at home whilst your beloved does a job of which you can be proud. That makes you one of a select few in society and your role is worth doing well.

And...have that hug!

Great post Heli.! This is pretty much everything I would of said!

Chin up Blondiie, it might not seem like it now but it does get easier.! First deployments are always the hardest.! If I had to reiterate one vital point from Heli's post it would be to keep busy and not put your life on hold....go out and enjoy yourself!! Also make sure that when he does contact you, you are happy and positive with plenty to talk about...he will appreciate it!!

If his mum has offered to meet up for lunch why not go and have a chat with her.! She may seem strong but she will understand most of what you are feeling!

He'll be back before you know it so keep smiling!! xxx

Yeah, thankyou

Wish I'd read this when he did ring cos I just sobbed the whole way through it, definatly not posetive, well I was but still, sobbing.

I think I will take her up on it, but also can't help feeling bad I text to say he'd rang and she still hadn't even heard If he even has a safe flight. Do they just forget about their mums? He will be getting told to get off phone early to me next time and phone her too !

Smiley smiley smiley, Really smiley. It really was just refreshing to hear his voice!

Thanks again ladies!

x

Glad to see you are smiley again!!

Oh I wouldnt worry about that too much! It is understandable that you will get a bit upset cause it is all new to you and its bloomin hard! We've all done it....god knows how many times in the beginning I used the phrase 'I hate the Navy' crying on the phone! :lol: But try not to cause he will look to you to keep morale up and wants to come off the phone to you feeling better not guilty! You'll probably only get one call a week so make the most of it...theres nothing worse than coming off the phone regretting that you cried through the whole conversation and then you have to wait a week to speak to them again!!

Umm phone calls depend on the individual.! My OH phones his mum about the same amount.! They only have a limited amount of time each week so sometimes he might call you and not her and there will be times when he calls her and not you or he might call you both!! It just depends really.. If he does call her and not you, try not to take it to heart.! Not only do they have a limited amount of minutes, sometimes it is more difficult to find time to call than others!!

Your mood will probably be up and down for the next few weeks but stick with it..you'll be ok!! I've learnt just how stong and independent I can be since the OH joined, which most civvy women never experience!! Plus when they come home it is so worth it... xxx

Hello and welcome Blondie. Mr Laws has been away for 2 months of a 12 monther. Am hoping he's back at the beginning of Oct for some r and r. I have good days and not so good days. I find that planning little treats for myself helps.

Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better xx

GAH unsmiley again! Today is a bad day & so was yesturday stood crying in the middle of a pub in town!

I keep saying toughen up ! Then bursting into bloody tears, I'm sure It will wear off after a few weeks when I come to terms with it ?

Originally Posted by blondiie

GAH unsmiley again! Today is a bad day & so was yesturday stood crying in the middle of a pub in town!

I keep saying toughen up ! Then bursting into bloody tears, I'm sure It will wear off after a few weeks when I come to terms with it ?

Hiya, Me again haha.

I have found it hasn't worn off yet, I'm just used to being a blubbering fool, and have soft blubbering friends who will cry with me!...BUT one day you look at the calendar and think 'WOW, we've already done however many weeks'

I found the very beginning hard, then I got used to it, then he got his R&R and it was hard when he went back, then it eased off and now we're on the home straight, its both exciting and torturous! But you do come to live with it in a strange way.

I am in the process of repainting the whole house for his return, God knows why I decided to do it, I think I started it one night after I'd missed a call and it was either that or eating the contents of the fridge, and my Mum said today 'I don't know why you're bothering...the only thing he'll be looking at when he's home is the ceiling' :lol:

She has a point! :wink:

hello you

my mam Is a pretty good blubberer, she keeps stroking my hair and saying "awh my bairn" which In turn makes me cry more cos she has tears In her eyes. I think when I need to cry i'm just going to cry or sob...yeah sob Is more like it !

Awwh hahah I'd of took the fridge option it took 5 coats in my bedroom to paint so sickend myself I'v decided he can be the manly DIY man Nd me the housey wife wife!

ps you mam is so right my mam has a habbit now of peaking In my ann summers bags and going ooooh Isn't he lucky which is really off putting! But only after a glass to many I told her I walked down stairs all underweared up and scared the poor lad to not even be able to perform ! Good or Bad I don't know now I have to show him the underwear before I put It on !

I don't know much about the RN because my hubby is Army. However, when he goes to theatre he is not allowed to take his mobile phone due to security risks. It is not unheard of for the bad people (I have to think of it A-Team stylee .. lol) to tap into private phone calls, well you can guess the rest (Can you tell we have just been briefed up?).

Your OH will be entitled to 30 minutes of phone time a week, and he will get a phone card to make these calls from a secure line. What he does with those minutes is up to him. Like your OH I have had to drill into him that he MUST call his mother every other week at least because otherwise I'm going to get an ear bashing when we eventually get posted back to UK.

My husband and I have children, so I don't have the time to mope. I have to keep them busy and in doing so that also pushes me into being busy. I want to do a photography course whilst here, and RSA, but because I have a baby it is going to be difficult to do whilst he is away.

As it's your first tour, and I am assuming that you have not been around the military before then your allowed to feel the way you do. When my husband did his first tour I was told to man-up by my dad!! But he was in the Army too!

Keep smiling, it will get easier. If you need a moan, we're here.

Oh, and welcome to RP.

Sam x

Thats ok any help is better than no help atall

What is theatre? and what is R & R ?

I know he's entitled to 20 mins but has access to email all the time I think as he said he could email everyday depending on work ect, he text saying he was on a 20 hour shift ?!?!! Crazy !

I will make him ring her, even If I have to just hang up so he has no choice! Although his mam has to accept she may no longer be the number 1 woman In his life.

My main focus Is also joining the royal navy (no not to be with him this was decided long before I met him & now It's just nice we have something in common) so basically spend all my free time In the gym or out on runs, so atleast I will be able to occupy my mind doing that, regardless whether all my runs are done while crying! YES I NEED TO GET A GRIP

Thanks again ladies, the support is apreciated greatly !

Originally Posted by blondiie

Thats ok any help is better than no help atall

What is theatre? and what is R & R ?

Theatre - theatre of operations, what the place the "tour" takes place in is actually called.

R&R - Rest and Recuperation. Leave in the middle of a tour

Blondiie,

http://www.rncom.mod.uk/Support_Serv...nications.aspx

Thanks again !