Thread: Opinions please

Hi all,

As most of you know my husband has recently been posted to Sunny Cyprus. The dilemma is that he is on call-up for the sandy holiday and I have a son (9) who is subject to a contact order with his biological father. At Christmas I am to "make said child available for contact with his biological father".

Mr Samm1551 and I now have a child between us, and I do not want to leave the country knowing that he might be called up whilst I am away.

I am not sure how my said 9 year old would cope with a 4 hour flight back to UK unaccompanied, although I know it can be done.

Obviously I am not saying that I don't want him to see his biological father because they should have a good relationship.

But what would you do?

I'm not sure I'd be too comfortable with letting him take the flight on his own either he's still only young but maybe it is worth asking him how he feels about it.
If not would his dad be amenable to flying over to Cyrps and getting him? If you were to volunteer to pay whatever you would usually pay to get him there and back but for him to do the flight instead of you i personally would consider this a decent compromise (but then i am not a man so therefore not an awkward gitbag). Even if he were to say that was not good enough for him does it still satify the contact order in that you have 'made the child available'?

Just by saying that said son is available for contact in the country that we live in is suitable apparently. My ex would be working, so I suspect that he would not have the time, nor the inclination to collect him. I am not sure that I would want him to have son's passport either.

S_T unfortunately my ex sounds very much like yours without the military attachment.

which means that nothing you can do will ever be good enough
My personal choice here would be to say sometimes your family has to come 1st. As long as you are satifying the contact order just this once it wouldnt kill him to have his access in Cyprus. if he's not willnig to accept that well its his loss. I'm sure your 9 yr old is attached to his step dad too and would be gutted if he didnt get to say goodbye before he went. But that aside you also have a responsibiltiy to your other little one (a daughter isnt it?) and she has a right to spend time with her daddy too especially if hes possibly going to be away for a while. If you usually go out of your way to help contact just this once i think it would be totally acceptable in the circumstances to say he needs to have him in Cyprus. It's only August he's got plenty of time to book a holiday and work things out if he doesn't that is really down to his lack of effort not yours.

I am thinking that Cyprus is about a four hour flight? Then no one would really expect you to send a child of nine on their own if you do not wish to.

Slightly off topic, am I the only who feels really upset when I see Unchaperoned Children on a flight being chaperoned by the opposite sex? Once saw two little girls being chaperoned on a Air Berlin flight (Padders to London STN) by a Male Steward who then took them to the Gents to use the toilet when they arrived at Stansted. Icky Icky Icky.

Back on topic, can you not negotiate with your ex to see your son January half-term? Or am I completely missing the point?

HP
x

My boys used to do the unchaperoned flights, they loved it...loads of attention and family sized bag of Haribo and enough pop to make you sick.

Hey Sam

I think you should, on this occasion, go with the wording of the agreement, i.e. 'making the child available'. If I remember rightly, your boy already has something of a 'tricky' relationship with his biological father (cos your ex is a total throbber) so him going back to the UK on his own would only serve to traumatise him further (in my humble opinion). This time your ex should have to make the decision about whether he sees him or not, as ST said he's got plenty of time to sort something out and it's not like there's nowhere for him to stay close to here.

I totally understand your stance about making sure your boy has a relationship with his father until he is old enough to decide for himself (my mum did exactly the same); this time your ex has to man up and do the right thing. Or not.

Stay cool chuck!

x

Originally Posted by bootifull

My boys used to do the unchaperoned flights, they loved it...loads of attention and family sized bag of Haribo and enough pop to make you sick.

Oh yes, you are right I know some kids adore flying unchaperoned, but it just seemed odd that the little girls had a Male Chaperone.

sorry - did not mean to hijack the thread Sam

hp
x

No apology required. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being totally unreasonable by insisting the ex came to Cyprus.

Interesting about the male stewardess though, although I think my son would welcome the attention from female staff!

I think the best thing would be to see how he copes with the flight out and go from there.

Originally Posted by samm1551

No apology required. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being totally unreasonable by insisting the ex came to Cyprus.

Interesting about the male stewardess though, although I think my son would welcome the attention from female staff!

I think the best thing would be to see how he copes with the flight out and go from there.

Have you asked your solicitor what the legal standing would be if you don't present your son when you're supposed to do so?

Your ex could say that you're trying to obstruct him. You've been ordered to make the child available, what EXACTLY does that mean, you don't seem clear. Do you have to have him in the country? In the county? Within the jurisdiction of the court issuing the instruction?

You need to talk to someone who knows the legal history.

We'll all sit here and type that you're in the right, but I'm sorry, without proper legal instruction you could end up in a lot of trouble.

Beebs

B_B_C the court order says nothing other than "The applicant mother shall make the child available for contact with the respondent father as follows:"

Hmm, maybe I should email my solicitor. It does not seem to me in the best interests of a 9 year old to have to travel 4 hours on an aeroplane to stay with his fathers mother because his father is working.

Ok have emailed solicitor. I shall let you know what they say.

This is the response I had from the solicitor:

I have considered the file and I am afraid that I cannot identify the specific intention of the Contact Order in terms of where contact is to be facilitated. I am inclined to agree with you that this was a deliberate step to avoid a rigid arrangement which insists on either *** returning to the UK or Mr ****** having contact at the place where you are living.

If there is no specific requirement as to which country you have to make your son available in I'd go with what works best for yourself. In saying that your son is 9, is he expressing an opinion as to what he wants to do? I guess if he is that needs to be taken into consideration. Good luck with the conundrum x x x

I know what I'm doing now. The ex has made no effort so far, time he did me thinks

Agreed, for me, if there was no stipulation about which Country your son should be in etc, then the line I would take is taking into account your sons interests, which in this case means you wouldn't be comfortable with having your son take a chaperoned flight.

From what I can gather the reply from the solicitor basically says the contact order is vague at best and doesn't really suit anyone but your Ex.

Loving that solution Sammi

Originally Posted by samm1551

I know what I'm doing now. The ex has made no effort so far, time he did me thinks

Don't forget about the accommodation recommendations!

Oh believe me I have paved the way for that already I have to say that I am sooooooooooo relieved that I don't have to force my son to do something he doesn't want to do.

Originally Posted by samm1551

I know what I'm doing now. The ex has made no effort so far, time he did me thinks

Yep, sounds good to me.... why should everything be handed to him on a plate?