Thread: missing him!!

hi all.. my partners mum referred me to here because hes away at the moment and im finding it quite difficult, i know people say keep yourself busy but im worrying constantly anyone have any advice?

Hello and welcome to RP. Don't beat yourself up about feeling down, we all have good and bad days, but don't let yourself wallow for days on end, it doesn't make it easier. Try to be positive, easier said than done but if you tell yourself it's all horrible and you won't be happy till he's home, that's how it will be. I plan things for me, a girly weekend, manicure or a massage. I have a count down chart to so I can cross every day off, and Wednesday is chocolate night, I have one of my favourite chocolate bars in a bowl for every wednesday till r&r so I get a little treat every week. I also find writing my OH letters and sending parcels makes him feel closer. And this site is a great support.
Different things work for different people, you will find what works for you.

thankyou for your reply.. if im honest i feel guilty when i do things like meet up with friends or go out on a night out because i know hes out there! this is my first time doing doing all this maybe next time will be easier...

Leanne

I know this poem is about marriage, but I do think that it also encapsulates life within the forces. About being a couple without losing your independence. Bit slushy I know, but have a read, and think outside the box.

On Marriage
Kahlil Gibran
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.


Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.


Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Hugs

FPD

I don't think I am the only one that does this but it definitely works for me - turn your imagination back on itself. My OH is out there at the moment but I prefer to think of him as not being in that place, but he's actually in Egypt, living in the desert, patrolling the hills and the pyramids. He doesn't call some days because he's busy, like I am, and that he doesn't call that often because people are out there with little ones so he's nice so they can speak to them more often. When he goes out of area, he's playing football with some of the local kids. I tell myself that on a normal day, he's sat around with the locals in base, teaching them things and learning about them too. Yes, I do live in a bubble, and I may be slightly crazy but it has helped me immensely to keep a 'normal' life. If I think these things, all the worries are put way further back and take a lot to erupt. Even when I come back down to reality, what do I have to worry about? I cannot control anything. Nothing is wrong. He is fine. I have nothing to worry about. He's sh*t hot. I have no need to fear.

Everyone is different in how they deal with deployment. Keeping busy is a must. You may feel guilty about going out with friends and what not it's ok to feel like that. He would want you to have fun so have fun. Letters and parcels make me feel so much closer to him. I do sometimes feel like Chief Supplier rather than his GF but all he needs me for are these things and to be on the end of the phone when he calls with a smile in my voice. You'll find what works for you but there is lots of advice on here about dealing with deployment.

Welcome to RP though!
Hx

Welcome to RP.

Missing him is normal obviously, so don't beat yourself up about it. I found when I felt bad about missing my OH it into a vicious circle.

You have to have your own life, otherwise this will be a long miserable tour for the both of you.

When my OH was out there he wanted to know all about what I was doing, I know the odd times I'd moped about too worried or upset to do anything he was really annoyed with me and it did neither of us any good. He used to phone home to see I was OK and because he needed a pick me up.

It doesn't mean you love him any less by having fun without him

Keep coming here, you'll feel loads better x x x x

Have you heard of worry dolls? They are mexican i think!? but they are a little doll you can tell all your worries to and put in a match box. Then when you are sleeping the worry doll takes all your worries and goes and fixes them. I know it sounds a bit far fetched but I am trying to say if you need to worry ok but let it out. then get on with your life a bit more.

NEVER feel guilty for having your own time and enjoying yourself. He signed up to do this job and whilst it isnt the nicest place in the world he is doing something he obviously wants and has worked hard for. Do some things for yourself- be a postive person and enjoy yourself. It will give him one less thing to worry about.

if you feel bad going out/indulging still why not learn something- last deployment I learnt how to plaster!?! and the time before was knitting, the next one will probably be learning German and attempting to learn to run properly?!?!

oh and always feel you can come and have a moan/drink/giggle on RP.

Or you could be a bit drastic like scoobs and move around the corner from your alcoholic friend and plan to spend the whole time tasting ciders from around the globe *disclaimer this option will insure liver failure by the end of your man/woman's 22*

Have a drink on me. I don't have much to add to what the others have said. G xx

Hi Leanne, my OH is on tour at the moment too and this is also my first experience at anything like this. I can't add to what the others have already said but do keep coming on here Its amazing how quick the evenings go once you start reading all the different threads on here and more than likely, you'll come across advice that someone else has asked for but you can also use. If I am having a bad day I have a good cry, write down in my diary how i'm feeling then give myself a bit of a stern talking to - something along the lines of 'right thats it, mope over, time to get on!' Maybe start collecting some bits and pieces to send out to him in a parcel, I thought I'd send maybe 1 a month but I send one every Monday lol I know its easier said than done but it does get easier as the time passes and there is always someone on here who understands how you feel x