Thread: A Modern Military Mother

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandsty...exism-misogyny

Interesting article, reminded me of some of your blogs.

Thanks Moomin - it's incredible isn't it. It's true as well - I have been guilty of it myself.

Here's my latest flawed offering - about what an obnoxious hoe I am who loves knob gags!

Warning - Obnoxious and vulgar like me

A bit of a whopper - got a bit on though! Families day - up your bum NOTW!!

Tying Up Loose Ends

Joyriding in a Chinook

A boozy night in a boutique hotel

Just read that you had your wedding breakfast in The HDuV in Winchester. So did we!

What a coincidence. I love the HduV Winchester!! It was the best night ever! They are doing a forces discount for £75 per night - carpe diem!!

Here's my latest:

Men need war

If you want book a Toyologist Tea Party pls email me - free toys no costs just giving a little back

Caterpillar Gratin

When is it about us? Bloody men!!

Gumboots and Pearls

The zipless fuck - feminist or floozy

The Grenade Goes To Boarding School

The Defence Social Media Hub. You'll find me at the bottom right hand corner with a little exclusion clause saying they have no control over me. I know many who know how they feel.

The Defence Social Media Hub

First week of school survived!

I am quietly wondering if I am missing something?

I live in a close which is 'mixed'. I haven't noticed enormous cultural differences. Occasional joshing, some pretty unattracttive Mess kit occasionally paraded by the boys in blue, but not what I would describe as Tribalism.

It might be of course, that as an ancient Army wife I have simply gone native, or maybe working 60 hours a week means I miss nuances, but it seems to me that we all burn our sausages at the street barbeques to the same level of crispness.

I must be missing it too Heli. I'm on a tri-service patch and well into my fourth year, on and off, of living here. There is no tribalism whatsoever between the Brits, perhaps a little with the international wives but if you're in a country where you can't speak the lingo then it's hardly surprising.

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Psychologists would have an absolute field day analysing military wives (I'm an Insights bright orange, BTW).

I think the dynamics are changing. In my mum's generation, the ship went away for 18months to 2 years at a time and 99.99% of the wives lived on one or two estates in the same city.

Now, fast forward 55 years and the ship can be away randomly from a working week or a weekend out to six or seven months, and I'd hazard a guess that only 30% of wives live in the same place. The weekly commute to far flung places is becoming the norm. Ships companies are much smaller too, so any sense of community or tribalism amongst spouses is on the wane.

Shame that the Navy hasn't grasped that fact yet and sorted out its on-line or virtual community - that's where RP has been a godsend!

If a psychology student wanted to do a doctorate on the psyschology of military wives, I'd be more than happy to help

Sorry MMM, it's not that I didn't 'get it' it's that I didn't agree with it, or recognise it. Army wives are no more a 'type' than Navy or RAF wives and I simply can't identify tribalism amongst the wives on this tri-service patch.

It seems a bit outdated to be working on the premise that modern women are identifying themselves collectively by their husband's jobs. As service wives we have a common bond dictated by the peripatetic and often single lives we lead - hence the usefulness of RP, but the women I live amongst are utterly diverse, as diverse as any neighbours in a civilian setting.

I have to contend with the idea that the Army iis more class ridden than the other services. One (Army) neighbour is Marlborough educated, my husband went to Grammar School and was brought up on a council estate...same rank, and they are chums.

It may be that we have got beyond the 'wives club' culture as we pretty much all have careers and almost grown kids, so our definition of ourselves is more likely to be; 'I work in publishing, I've got two kids, two dogs, I enjoy gardening and my old man is an Army Officer', rather than an excited 'I'm an Army/Navy/RAF wife!' and we don't forge relationships with other women based on whether our husband is in the same Service but based on whether or not we like them.

I am sure that I must still be missing your point but it appears to me to be more a culture that my Grandmother - an RAF wife of the 40's and 50's - would recognise, than one which I do, and if it still exists, who is perpetuating it because I have never spotted it?

I don't think you are missing the point heli i wholeheartedly agree with you. It's funny it seems to me that MMM is describing a more civvy attitude. I say this because on Friday I invited a soon to be army wife round to my house for a brew and a natter. The fact that she is due to marry someone who works with my husband was neither here not there to me it just happens to be something we have in common. A mutual civilian friend popped up on my facebook chat later with a bit of a chip on her shoulder and asked me what we'd talked aboiut. Well what she actually said was "so did you just talk about army stuff then?"
i felt like replying and saying yes because neither of us have a life of our own or any outside interests so the only thing we could sit and talk about was our husbands jobs aarrrgghhhhh!
I have yet to meet a military wife (or husband for that matter) who feels the need to define themselves by what their spouse does. I have met plenty of gf's whilst living in Colchester that will tell you their boyfriend is in the army before they even tell you their names but thats a totally different kettle of fish!
I read your blog regularly MMM but I have to say I dont know why because every time i do it winds me up a little bit more. By all means write a blog about your own life findings and even observations of other people you know but for gods sake stop trying to pigeon hole us all into these neat little groups of wives. Yes I am married but I am NOT an 'army wife' I am the wife of a husband who just happens to be in the army. Everybody is different and handles situations differently. It's down to personality not their husbands job description.

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