Thread: Postcard from a dog

OH yeah...i forgot about thems!!




not that we would EVER cover a dawg in cyalumes JUST so we could walk him in the dark...no siree...not us!!! 8O

Apparently I'm in the poo, or rather in trouble over poo.

I sort of had a massive dump in the house (again) this morning and step dad wasn't impressed. I overheard a conversation with words like 'shed' and 'dog flap' with 'piss stained mattress'. The other option involved 'lump hammer' and 'shallow grave'.

I don't think I've helped my cause by farting all evening.

Originally Posted by Pip_the_dog_wonder

Apparently I'm in the poo, or rather in trouble over poo.

I sort of had a massive dump in the house (again) this morning and step dad wasn't impressed. I overheard a conversation with words like 'shed' and 'dog flap' with 'piss stained mattress'. The other option involved 'lump hammer' and 'shallow grave'.

I don't think I've helped my cause by farting all evening.

You don't fart, a bit like me, too scared.

Anyhoo, I am home from my sojourn daaahn saaarf and we love nothing more than cuddles.

Fart no, snore yes.

Originally Posted by bigbird67

Originally Posted by Slugster

Dear Truffles, I have seen the photos of you in the bath. What you have to remember is that you are in Yorkshire now and not in Wiltshire, so do me a favour and lose the conehead.

I shall endeavour to come and scare the living daylights out of you by taking Guinness away from you and swiping your bed and putting it in the back of my car. I bet you can't find us!!!

I would be there right now, but I was beaten up by some very very big men at the weekend and they nearly broke my ankle, but I survived, and will come and get you as soon as I can and we can live at home and you and Eddie can sniff each others wees and I can laugh as you run into lamposts again.

Any sign of my car tax yet?

Love to the Ward xxx

translated....i got pished up on pink wine and wife beater and fell over trying to get one leg out of my pants whilst hopping around on the other, but my foot got caught up in the overgrown jungle that is my pubes and i fell head first into the wastepaper bin.It tipped over and i rolled along the sloping floor of the death_star before finally coming to rest upside down with my head in the toilet! Could've happened to ANYONE!

You are mean, I don't like this yellow window xxx

Oh, and read it all girls, or I will bite my nails and kick the pirate.

You might need tissues for this.

Dear Pip,

The sexiest dog in NATO has got to have his eye removed, I have no idea how to tell you that it's going to happen in Ripon on Wednesday. You've been a Pirate for a while now, and the vet today said that it really has to go - just for your sake. I just want you to be happy and stop running into lamp posts and daft blokes. If I had a chimp on a lead they'd notice that wouldn't they?

Anyhoo, I will make sure that I am there when you wake up from the drugs (can't spell anasthetoc) or you have a blanky with my niff on so you are not too scared, but will do my best to be there, when you go to sleep and wake up.

If you kark it, I will be the unhappiest person in the world, and all hell will be released on ARRSE. They should be afraid, very afraid. I take no prisoners.

Yours aye, your mam xxxxx

Lots of good thoughts on the way to the Ginger one (((hugs)))

Originally Posted by pixie

Lots of good thoughts on the way to the Ginger one (((hugs)))

He gets a lot of hugs, big time, all the time, I am not nasty really.

I'm sure the ginger bath mat will come through the op perfectly well, after all he hasn't enjoyed the vocal stylings of the slug'n'scoobs duo for a few months. In the meantime give him a cuddle and kick from me.

PS. He couldn't run in to daft men if you didn't keep taking one home with you.

:lol: the hugs were for you m'dear :lol: I am sure the ginger one gets as many cuddles as my sable one :lol:

Hope he is doing ok

At least then he'll be a REAL pirate, not a plastic pirate!!!

Poor smelly ginger dog! I've only just caught up with this - awww Pip ...sending lots of cuddles your way. xxxx

Originally Posted by CocoaKid

Poor smelly ginger dog! I've only just caught up with this - awww Pip ...sending lots of cuddles your way. xxxx

Thank you dearest.

His eye has healed so well, he is back to being a fluffy bunny skippetty hoppetty dog again. You can hardly see the join. I was offered the option of a glass eye for him, but that's too freaky.

He had a massive dump outside Catterick Med Centre today and is looking after his mum because she is off for another week, and he really does do best cuddles. Hopefully he will see the Lord Ward soon and they can wee on each others heads and stuff.

That's all for now folks. Slug Hugs xxxxx

Dear Pirate,

Another brave week.

Your little tiny stitched up eye had healed a bit more and the eye man at Ripon says we don't have to go back until December.

The little drops that I have to do 3 times a day look milky, but I can handle that without vomiting, or crying. (ish)

I don't think you have any idea how much people love you, and if you kark it, I will be absolutely destroyed.

Love and big fat licks,

Your Mum.

P.S. That MMM couldn't take us.

8 months on, and I thought it about time for an update on the ginger stinker.

He's still alive (just) and smells even more potent than ever after a little (!) ear infection last week. The drugs seem to be working though, and he is especially partial to mini savoury eggs (with his drugs shoved in) at the moment, and is a tad annoyed that all the daffodils seems to have gone, less for the ones on next door's garden which he proudly watered this afternoon just as they (next door) were pulling into the drive. Daffodils can't drive......

The man of the match has lost a bit of weight over the last few weeks because he just hasn't been bothered to eat - he really is that lazy. He's been very good at cuddles and ginger pillows because he knows I've not been too well either, so we tend to look after each other. He's getting to be a right wizz with the new Actifry.

Errm, he's shat it for the Olympics next year because he's been on steroids, and I don't think there was a "100 metre half blind ginger stinking dog" race anyway, but don't tell him, he had his heart set on getting that medal.

He's raised a bit of money for Hols4Heroes with the sale of the t-shirts of him sunning himself at Redcar (having a pooh!) and I think we are down to the last one now, so if you want it, PM me.

Off to see his step dad and mum and other family the weekend after next - apparently someone is old, someone is young, and someone is even older (Toppers).

Thanks for all the messages and hugs you have sent him on FB. He's been trying to read them, but his glasses keep slipping off his head. I'll try and put some more photos of him on once the Gallery is all sorted.

Love and Slug Hugs from me and Pipsqueak, the stinking snoring rootingest tootingest gingerest pirate tap-dancing dog xxxxxxxx