Hello, I'll make no bones about it, what I mainly am posting for is reassurance! (and some info I suppose...)

So my OH passes out from his phase one training next Friday at HMS Raleigh. Very proud and very excited at the thought of seeing him again.

However, I have a bit of history with an anxiety disorder. It's mainly under my control now, so that a situation that would completely throw me (and thus I would avoid) now only makes me very nervous instead.

It probably sounds nuts to most people, but situations like exams, assemblies, big meetings etc set off my attacks, as I have a problem with being in a group where making my exit would be noticeable. I know the passing out parade is formal, and so am getting steadily more panicky at the though of hours of being crammed into full rooms and not being able to leave without a million people staring at me! If anyone has ever experienced a panic attack then you'll understand how awful they can be and how limiting they can make life sometimes!

OK so this is all becoming a bit of a 'woe-is-me' ramble... mainly I suppose I'd like a bit of info on the passing out parade day itself, and also if anyone has any tips for me...? x

I don't know what the Raleigh passing outs are like but my littlest sister in law passed out from Pirbright not so long ago. It wasn't as formal as you'd imagine and escaping was fairly easy.

People take small children who of course scream like bitches when they get bored or decide to do the stinkiest pant present ever mid ceremony so an escape route is always necessary.

Stay close to the back and there'll be that many people there no-one will even notice if you need to slip out to get yourself together

Originally Posted by Special_Tree

People take small children who of course scream like bitches when they get bored or decide to do the stinkiest pant present ever mid ceremony so an escape route is always necessary.

This is the main reason I want children... they're so convenient....

Thanks ST, it's mainly that I get myself worked up beforehand, when it'll be fine!

Most people struggle with the unknown more than the actual doing so you're not alone there.

You are more than welcome to borrow my monster. He very kindly threw the biscuits we were trying to keep him quiet with all over the poor people in front of us and screeched at every available opportunity. He also tried making a break for it by climbing his way under the seats and down each tier!

So yeah he's available for short or long term hire!

I feel your pain, I really do. Panic attacks are horrendous and as you know, they just tend to take over life and every time you give in to it and remove yourself from the situation you reinforce the scary factor.

This mightn't work for you, but I'll say it anyway. A panic attack can't last forever. Eventually your body becomes accustomed to the scary environment and it starts to abate, slowly but surely. Have you tried riding it out for 45 minutes? If you have then you'll probably find that the attack starts to fade and you'll get a euphoric feeling of "you didn't beat me this time!".

You might not want to try this on your OH's passing out though!

Also, if she doesn't pass this thread by, send Squirrel Pigeon a pm, her OH passed out recently and so she can probably give you details of the day so you can get used to what's going to happen.

Honestly, the focus will be on the lads and lasses passing out, I don't think anyone will notice you slip away if you have to, apart from maybe your OH and I'm sure he already knows about it, so just head there and have a great day

My OH passed out from Dartmouth last December, I have no idea how similar the days will be but I can empathise. I have a thing about being in large crowds, usually leading to panic and a need to leave or me totally zoning out (my brain just wanders on off, in a kind of scum bag, oh you can't leave? Well I can so catch you later body, type move) So I was almost literally sh*ting bricks in the run up but I was just fine on the day. I think it was the adrenaline, the excitement and chest bursting pride combined together, which meant I didn't even notice the true size of the crowd I was in until we watched the dvd back months later. The bracing cold and passive aggressive comments from the future MIL probably helped keep me distracted too :P

There were loads of people wandering around at Dartmouth and it would've been really easy for me to back off and get some space should I have needed it. Even inside, before and after the parade there were loads of people milling around and changing rooms constantly. The only point I saw closed doors was during the church/chapel ceremony, which the OH and I didn't attend.

The only time I did panic was when the future MIL declared she was going to take her boots off and walk from the college, through the grounds and back to her hotel bare foot....sigh

Originally Posted by Feisty one

Also, if she doesn't pass this thread by, send Squirrel Pigeon a pm, her OH passed out recently and so she can probably give you details of the day so you can get used to what's going to happen.

Honestly, the focus will be on the lads and lasses passing out, I don't think anyone will notice you slip away if you have to, apart from maybe your OH and I'm sure he already knows about it, so just head there and have a great day

My ears must have been burning...

You will have plenty of space to duck out and get yourself together if you need to. As others have said, people are taking kids out or nipping to the loo so you won't be noticed.

Not sure if it's changed much since last summer but we watched a video about the training in the auditorium, listen to all the instructors talk and then the recruits came up on stage one at a time to get their epaulettes - this will be the first time you see your OH so be prepared to cry! That takes you to about 11ish. There's then guided tours of the base which are optional but a good chance to be nosy.

Your OH can meet you at lunchtime but only for a bit cos he'll have to get ready for the parade. When you go down to the parade ground, once again there's plenty of scope for you to relax cos it's all open air and there's a lot of sitting around waiting. It was boiling when I was there so I spent almost the whole parade sitting under the trees at the side of the grandstand with DS to keep him out of the sun - you can still see everything perfectly well so that could be an option if you get overwhelmed.

After the parade there's drinks in the bar which are compulsary as you can't leave til the VIP has left but you can merrily cling to your OH for support then cos it's nothing that would be looked at strangely!

You'll be absolutely fine and it's a brilliant day. Feel free to PM me if you want anymore info xxx

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My RN OH passes out a week after yours Ruby so I feel your panic! His family are mostly military and they've assured me that there are always lots of kids running riot so there will always be a distraction for you to get some air

Thanks squirrel_pigeon! It's really good to hear a bit more detail about the day - the info they send out is very vauge!

Enjoy the day Ruby!

Thank you so much everyone : ) I really appreciate your kind words and tips: it sounds a lot less claustrophobic than I was imagining so that's a relief!


Foxy - I'll let you know what the day's like once I'm home on the Sunday night!

Will reply with more enthusiastic thanks but right now the study books are calling and I've been ignoring them all evening...

Hi ruby my man passed out in may and the day went as squirrel pigeon described apart from OH didn't get chance to meet at lunch as was getting ready, so didn't really see him proper until after the parade just saw him around a couple if times, there would be plenty of chances to nip out if u needed and if you get a dry day the parade is all outside with plenty of space, please don't worry easier said than done I'm sure, but if you needed to get some air no one would notice at any point really ! It's a fantastic day you'll be so proud enjoy it and have a great day !

Originally Posted by RubySlippers

Foxy - I'll let you know what the day's like once I'm home on the Sunday night!

Thank you!

Hello again,
Thanks again everyone, hate being a bit pathetic about it, but so nice to have a bit of insight into the day - let's just keep our fingers crossed for a dry day so it's outside!
I shall report back after the day - silver lining of anxiety, I usually have interesting stories to tell! x

Hi Ruby, I see I'm a little bit late to the party here, but have you ever tried a distraction activity such as knitting? It sounds a little bizarre (and sometimes the knitting needles don't make it past security) but having something to do in my handbag means I have an outlet for my anxiety. I've had panic attacks on the tube in London before so I started knitting as a distraction and I've never had an attack since. It's really very soothing, and you have the added bonus of having booties/hats/scarfs for unique christmas pressies etc.

I did take up knitting about a year or so ago, it might be worth trying again (I was rubbish!)

Me again...
Does the majority of the day take place outside, does anyone know?? x

Hey only the parade if it's dry and then walking from the seminar room to go on the tours around. The lunch is inside in the bar hope this helps

Originally Posted by squirrel_pigeon

Not sure if it's changed much since last summer but we watched a video about the training in the auditorium, listen to all the instructors talk and then the recruits came up on stage one at a time to get their epaulettes - this will be the first time you see your OH so be prepared to cry! That takes you to about 11ish. There's then guided tours of the base which are optional but a good chance to be nosy.

What's the auditorium like? Not too obvious if I do need to leave for a few minutes? Sorry, realise I'm beginning obssessive but knowing as much as possible usually helps... God, hate this, should be excited and not worrying about leaving. f'sake.

It's a very large room with plenty of room and tiered seating with a stage at the front, if you sit near the back there is plenty of opportunity to sneak out the back no one would notice, im happy to answer any questions I can help with so you can be prepared and enjoy the day