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Discuss Sandhurst May 2012 in Partners - Wives, Girlfriends, Boyfriends, Husbands on Rear Party; Ladies, if you think a week without contact is strange and takes some getting used to, try no contact for 3 months at a time - no texts, no emails and no phone calls whatsoever. ...
  
  1. #241
    Senior Member gentlesoul's Avatar
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    Ladies, if you think a week without contact is strange and takes some getting used to, try no contact for 3 months at a time - no texts, no emails and no phone calls whatsoever. That's life married to a submariner and it's bliss, complete and utter freedom from my mobile.

    Bodger, myself and a number of other ladies on this forum are probably a bit older than you guys and remember as adults the days before mobiles and instant gratification. So you'll have to forgive us for not understanding the need to text someone knowing they aren't actually going to be able to read the message for days.

    <wobbles off on her zimmer frame to watch Fatal Attraction>
    Silk has a stronger tensile strength than steel but is not rigid.

  2. #242
    Moderator bodger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YellowRose View Post
    Everyone should just do whatever works them
    And did I say they shouldn't? The fact that you're all leaping up and down suggests that you're all just a little bit too sensitive.

    The reason I joined Rear Party is because once upon a time it was a huge giggle. It's not so much now, but some of the old and bold still lurk around. It's a good job we do because where would the weekly mong find out about where the HIVE is and how to get a job when they move in with their boyfriend. And about 25% of you will want to have a good old rant when you find yourselves single in 6 months time*.




    *statistics taken from a rough count of previous Sandhurst threads and intakes.
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  3. #243
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    Like others have said I think this very much depends on the couple. I know for a fact my OH would tell me if my texts were not appreciated. On the contrary he has said he likes them, and when he gets time he always responds. I know my relationship is new, and maybe if we were married, or had been together longer things would be different. But that isn't the case. As it is I text him to let him know I'm thinking about him, and I don't really see any harm in that.

    I agree that there will come a time when he can't keep in contact as regularly as he is now, and we will deal with that as and when it happens. But at the moment this works for us so what's the harm? I don't think it's indicative of not coping in any way.

    As for mothering over not getting a response within 20 minutes, I haven't seen that on this thread. I admit that sometimes I'd like a reply sooner but I understand where he is and what his priorities are, so I never expect him to be able to get back to me within any period of time and when he does it's a nice surprise.

    Anyway my view is each to their own. Whatever makes your relationship work, do it.
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  4. #244
    Senior Member squirrel_pigeon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gentlesoul View Post
    Ladies, if you think a week without contact is strange and takes some getting used to, try no contact for 3 months at a time - no texts, no emails and no phone calls whatsoever. That's life married to a submariner and it's bliss, complete and utter freedom from my mobile.

    Bodger, myself and a number of other ladies on this forum are probably a bit older than you guys and remember as adults the days before mobiles and instant gratification. So you'll have to forgive us for not understanding the need to text someone knowing they aren't actually going to be able to read the message for days.

    <wobbles off on her zimmer frame to watch Fatal Attraction>
    GS you're only 4 years older than me so put the zimmer frame down before you make me cry. Or pass it to Bodger :P

    As I've said before I'm dreading OHs first patrol as I'm so used to having him as a sounding board (and to be honest, I use him as a memory jogger too) but it's probably going to be a relief in a way to be able to get on with things and not have to fit in a phone call on a night when I really can't be arsed and neither can he. I am a chronic texter though and 3 months of silence from his end will be a bit like therapy for me.

    I wouldn't dream of sending him a load of texts when he's away that he could read on his return though - to me that's wasted effort and I know 100% that he wouldn't read them. It reminds me of Friends and the whole "18 pages, front AND back!" thing.

    Sent from my GT-S5830 using Tapatalk 2
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  5. #245
    Moderator bodger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WillowTree View Post
    Yet bodger 2749 posts are your still here......

    I'm not giving up but if he does thats his loss....get me a bottle of something strong and get my on that plane to Oz!
    Yep. That's right. Because I do actually still have a connection to the forces, experiences to share and help to offer when needed. I'm not here solely for my own benefit which I don't think is a bad thing. And someone has to get rid of the spammers in patch and pads.

  6. #246
    Senior Member bootifull's Avatar
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    If I were to send Mr Boots text messages. emails, letters any form of contact he'd wonder why.
    So long as I knew within reason where he was that was ok for me.

    I'm not a needy leech sort of woman and I'm more than secure in my marriage to Mr Boots


    I came across to RP because I was asked to by ARRSE.
    Mimi: "I'm a fat f*ck. I'm a f*cking fat f*cker".

  7. #247
    Moderator bodger's Avatar
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    I think there's just a big change in the new 'Army Wife'. I struggle to understand the need for constant contact but probably because when Mr B and I first got together all the Messes must have been lead lined or something and he could never get a signal. It was great. You'd see him at the weekend and actually have loads to talk about. I honestly don't know what I'd put in a text. Just let the dog out? The leccy bill's arrived? Missing you? (That last one would have himself sending round the WO to make sure I wasn't delirious).

    When I got home from work I asked Mr B, whilst he was packing for a little trip away somewhere warmer than here, whether he'd like me to send him messages whilst he's away. Actually, what I said was "Oi, bastardo, shall I text and email you while you're gone?" His response went along the lines of "what for? You've got the welfare card, ring them if you need to or talk to your coven".

    I still don't get it though.
    Feisty one likes this.

  8. #248
    Senior Member moomin's Avatar
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    It's interesting indeed. My parents aren't forces but often spend weeks apart as my dad works abroad. They probably call each other once or twice a week, they like to check in, but that's it. My grandmother think's that excessive and then talks at length about how she went 18months with only a few letters while he was in Burma during WW2.

    A combination of different personalities and changing times me thinks.

  9. #249
    Senior Member squirrel_pigeon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WillowTree View Post
    Agreed! Guess its just the differences between old and young.
    Old?

    How are you defining old...?

    Sent from my GT-S5830 using Tapatalk 2
    "You don't think there's anything amiss? I'm sitting here wearing a red and white checked gingham dress and army boots and you think that's un-amiss?"

  10. #250
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    [QUOTE=squirrel_pigeon;153965]Old?

    How are you defining old...?



    ...please don't answer that!

  11. #251
    Moderator bodger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WillowTree View Post
    Agreed! Guess its just the differences between old and young.
    Warning! Danger!

  12. #252
    Senior Member gentlesoul's Avatar
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    Seems to me that the only bitch here WillowTree is you.
    Silk has a stronger tensile strength than steel but is not rigid.

  13. #253
    Senior Member lawlady's Avatar
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    I also take exception to your remarks WT. True I haven't got an OH at Sandhurst. True I'm old and bold. However, I didn't realise that "this forum" was exclusive to the few who have. My husband served 27 years only just leaving in March so please do excuse me if I feel that I can explore different forums on RP with some degree of knowledge in what it's like to be the OH of a member of HMF.

    And as I have never been to a coffee morning please do tell what goes on.

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  14. #254
    Senior Member gentlesoul's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WillowTree View Post
    And I didn't call anyone a bitch actually I said this is becoming a forum to bitch on. but thank you for calling me one
    If the shoe fits and all that......

    Thank god Afghanistan won't be a viable option for your other halves otherwise Welfare would have their hands full.
    Silk has a stronger tensile strength than steel but is not rigid.

  15. #255
    Senior Member lawlady's Avatar
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    Don't be sorry for having a view or an opinion. However there's no bullying going on just folk giving their opinions. Some are harsh but that's their opinion. I've found that the harshest views are usually correct!! We say what what we think on here - that's the beauty of it.



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  16. #256
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    I think there's been a misunderstanding: WT it was a typo...you did in fact say 'bitch' but missed out the 'to' so it reads differently to the way I think you intended.

    *ducks head back below the parapet*

  17. #257
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    Quote Originally Posted by lawlady View Post
    I also take exception to your remarks WT. True I haven't got an OH at Sandhurst. True I'm old and bold. However, I didn't realise that "this forum" was exclusive to the few who have. My husband served 27 years only just leaving in March so please do excuse me if I feel that I can explore different forums on RP with some degree of knowledge in what it's like to be the OH of a member of HMF.

    And as I have never been to a coffee morning please do tell what goes on.

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    My friends and I have a coffee morning after the school run every Wednesday morning and to be perfectly honest for about an hour and a half all we do is shamelessly bitch! We then leave and resume our normal non controversial lives for another week...that 1.5 hours per week makes us all able to be better people!

  18. #258
    Senior Member lawlady's Avatar
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    As I said I've never been to one so I wouldn't know!!
    Then again I've been in RP for a few years and what you've described sounds like being on here at times - so may be folk shouldn't take offence?


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  19. #259
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    Heyyy...

    Woaaa... I haven't logged in for a day and have missed two whole pages of posts! I've just about managed to digest all of them so thought I'd add my spin

    My OH is also at Sandhurst and so far I've managed to send him a parcel of sweets and a letter each week. He has struggled lots and isn't enjoying it at all (pretty natural) so reads the letter on Sundays and looks forward to it. As long as that is the case then I'll continue to send him goodies whenever I can.

    Re the contact: I too sent him texts when on Long Reach knowing that he wouldn't be able to read them. They weren't mithering him, whinging or being needy.. and were simply messages like 'You should be almost half way there by now, thinking of you, xx', ones like that. I actually haven't spoken to him today as I had to work late so he just text saying that he had read all the messages and that they had cheered him up massively as he has spent a few hours in the med centre with a twisted knee and bruised feet. Essentially I know him and know what will make him better when he is down, which is why I'm really supportive. I've never been one to demand a response and don't expect them, if anything texting him makes me feel better and closer to him.

    However.... my Dad is in the RAF and has been for 38 years (joined at 17, leaving at 55 this August) and has been married to my Mum for 31 of those years. She has spent months alone over the years when he has been on tour - Falklands, Afgan etc.. and often with three young children. They didn't email, text and relied on their one hour a week phone call using the phone card to catch up. However when they were courting they didn't have mobile phones, facebook etc.. and so just chatted whenever they could. If my Mum text my Dad now with a 'Miss you' then he would think it was my little brother for a joke...! I'm not suggesting that anyone is as 'old' as my parents but I'm just saying that couples have their own routine and ways of coping.

    I'm used to texting my OH every night, we always send a message before bed and so he doesn't view it as needy, just the norm and it is what works for us. If he went away for months at a time then I wouldn't be on the phone to Welfare - I'd just deal with it and continue with my job, friends, gym etc..

    Everyone clearly has very different relationships with their OHs. I love RP because everyone deals with it in their own way, but it is almost a mini family (sorry if that sounds cringe!) who support each other and actually care...!

    So let's continue that and on that note I'm off to text my OH goodnight xxxx

  20. #260
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    Peaches 12...my OH ended up in the medic centre yesterday...but apparently got told he had to go back today to see a doctor as there were so many people in. Sounds like Long Reach has caused a good few casualties! Hope your OH is ok.

    But they were ordering in Dominoes last night so he seemed pretty happy.

    Thankfully its nearly the weekend! Bring on 4pm today!

    Xx

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