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Discuss Just got news of 6 month tour in Partners - Wives, Girlfriends, Boyfriends, Husbands on Rear Party; So hubby and I have been in our married quarter for just gone a year, and he just got told he'll be going away for 6 months as of August... I know it's a while ...
  
  1. #1
    Senior Member Bonfire's Avatar
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    Just got news of 6 month tour

    So hubby and I have been in our married quarter for just gone a year, and he just got told he'll be going away for 6 months as of August... I know it's a while away yet... But it's definitely weighing heavy on my mind...

    I moved away from my family and friends to be down here with him, it's a pretty quiet patch, it's fair to say everyone keeps themselves to themselves... And I'm definitely wondering how I will manage for 6 months on my own down here!!

    I know I'm lucky to have had an uninterrupted year with him, but I'm do not looking forward to this xx

  2. #2
    Moderator Gonzo's Avatar
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    Bonfire,

    Lots of people manage, as will you. Just have a search of all the threads on separation during deployment. You'll be fine.

    G x
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  3. #3
    Senior Member Bonfire's Avatar
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    Thanks, yes I'm sure I will... X

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    Senior Member Feisty one's Avatar
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    The good thing, is you have a fair few months to get into something new either with people around you, or off patch, take this time to set something up for once a week, that gets you out and meeting people, it will help when he goes.

    I won't say 6 months goes fast, but with things to focus on, it will go faster than you think.

    Basically, plan now, for when he's deployed and I don't mean go out every day, just plan things you can do by yourself and with others to help the time pass quicker.

    Plus, you'll have the support of this place, it's been a god send, even if it's just been reading some of the threads has helped me
    Miss M and Jessticles like this.
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  5. #5
    Senior Member lawlady's Avatar
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    Try not to spoil the next six months! Easy to say but it's a mistake I think that many of us have made. Plan a holiday/few treats for the two of you. From my experience the last couple of weeks before he goes aren't so good and it's almost a relief when he does go but enjoy all the time before that xxx


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    Sorry you have heard the dreaded news../

    Good advice above, and try not it weigh too heavy on your heart before he goes, thats what I did, and I'm one week down of a 4 month tour now. Hard to do I know, but just make some amazing memories for you both to remember whilst he is away. And you have all the time whilst your apart to miss him, make every moment count on the run up to his departure..

    Its my first time my OH has been on tour since we have been together and I must admit this last week has been a challenge on every level, I still get massive anxiety attacks when I think about how long he is away for, but I'm getting through it by taking one day at a time and thats working for me. I'm sure as time goes along I'll get stronger and stronger..
    xx

  7. #7
    Senior Member dizzy.chick's Avatar
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    Hey Bonfire,

    Sorry to hear about the news but I am sure you will do just fine. You have plenty of time to plan lots to keep you busy- I am hoping that whilst Mr D is away I can spend some time visiting the museums in London I know he wouldn't want to go to. I also like to set myself a challenge for whilst he is away- this time I am going to learn German.

    Oh and don't forget there will be RP meets whilst he is away
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    Senior Member Bonfire's Avatar
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    Thanks all.... Great advice! Yeah I know it'll all be fine... We already have a holiday and weddings planned for this summer (luckily before he's due to go!) so we'll have some great memories to make!

    This week is still the shock.... I will no doubt do my usual of refusing to even think about it until he actually goes and then be devastated when I finally face up to it!!! I already have a few hobbies and activities here to keep me busy... And dizz.... I will definitely need those RP meets!!
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  9. #9
    Senior Member Bonfire's Avatar
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    And dizzy, good luck with the German.... Let me know how that goes.... All I remember from school is ich bin einzelkind!! So useful!!! xx

  10. #10
    Senior Member Feisty one's Avatar
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    By the way, get pictures of those memories you create, or of things you use like, train tickets etc.

    I use e-blueys to send those pictures and write about the feelings and memories, because it's about sharing those things still when he's away.

    I send e-blueys about other things as well, but it's nice to share past memories because it's something you shared
    Nothing to see here, move on by....

  11. #11
    Senior Member Joey's Avatar
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    Hey

    I know what it's like - I had 18 months notice of the one that he's on now and I swear, those 18 months in some ways (not all) have been worse than the actual deployment.

    Try not to let the time before he goes be totally overshadowed by the fact that he is going - easier said than done, I know.

    Make lots of memories and use them to bolster his spirits while he's away.

    Most of all, remember, in some respects the countdown is the worst thing and as the date approaches, it's normal to think 'just fecking go already so that I can start counting down to when you come back, not when you leave'

    xx

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    Hello,

    Sorry to hear about the news. I remember getting the news about his tour and really dreading it. Fortunately (or not) it got brought forward so it was a manic 6 weeks rather than a 6 month countdown. I tried to plan it so there was something for me to look forward to each month (Sunday lunch, shoping trip), and something for him with a theme parcel box each month ( Halloween, Christmas, Valentines, afternoon tea)

    Enjoy your time together.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Josephine's Avatar
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    There is a social events company called 'spice', they run events from mundane knitting circles to extreme sports, all over the UK. I've been to a couple of events in my area and can highly recommend 'spice' as a social company. People use them to make friends, to get-out-and-about etc. You may well find other military wives/partners in the same boat. I know of 3 that attend spice events, when their fellas are away, might be worth looking into;

    Social clubs in Middlesex. Spice London has a range of Middlesex social groups. - Spice London
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  14. #14
    Senior Member Bonfire's Avatar
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    Thanks Josephine, thats really interesting... I'd heard of Spice, but to be honest thought it was more of a singles / dating type thing!! haha!! oops!!

    I will definitely look into that, sounds like a fun way of keeping busy and staying positive!!

    Thanks everyone for some great advice!! xx
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  15. #15
    Member Airbourne's Avatar
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    Maybe have a chat with your husband and look at booking a holiday for when he get's back. That way you can use the time to plan what you're going to do, where you want to go, things to see, places to eat, etc.

    One thing I would say is rather than doing it on the run up to his departure, do all your admin now. So silly things like making sure you're authorised to speak on his behalf to any companies he uses in case anything crops up while he's away, car insurance, roadside recovery etc.
    It's just one less thing to do before he leaves and a bit more time for you to spend together rather than doing that mundane crap!
    The key to getting over shit is to take action.

  16. #16
    Senior Member Medic_K's Avatar
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    Hey Bonfire,

    You've had some really good advice so far and I just wanted to add to what everyone else has said. Definitely use this time to plan for when he is away. Don't go mad, but do arrange a few weekends to see friends and family, think of a movie you'd like to see etc ...

    Mr K left this morning for His 6 month tour, he's now locked down in camp and flies out tonight. I can't say it was ok, it was horrendous and I crumbled like a cookie, but I honestly do think the build up and the long goodbye is the worst bit and that's done now, now I can now start the countdown to him coming home.

    We planned various things for before he left, I booked us a surprise few days in Bath with Spa pampering, took loads of photos and have some amazing memories to hold on to now while he is away (and we're planning to go back there while he's on R&R), we also had a photo shoot done and the pics will only be ready next week so I can email the, to him and surprise him and will email him pics of us in Bath and at the seaside last weekend when it was so nice and warm and just little things to keep him connected to home. I also bought little pressies, just small little things that made me think of him, over the months which I gave to him last night and he really loved!

    For me,and then I've planned visits with various friends around the country, days out with Little K etc, but my biggie is that I'm getting my tattoo worked on in stages month-to-month and every month I am adding a new bit to it to signify the month and getting through and that he is ok, and will get the last section finished when he is home safe ... A lot of planning gone/going into it, and it is keeping me sane, plus it's going to be great to reach those "milestones" and think "I did it!!" and plus I'll have something very personal which means a huge deal to me to show and remind me when it's all over...

    Also, do try not to let your emotions taint the last few weeks together. They really are the worst, and it's so hard not to let emotion get in the way. I was very aware of this and still did it! But do try to make the happiest memories that you can before he goes, it gives you something to hold onto with a smile.

    Phew, sorry for the essay!! I hope it helps though x

    K


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    Senior Member Bonfire's Avatar
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    Thanks medic.... Bless you I hope you're doing ok... I know how hard the first few days were...

    The time before last when hubby went away, I refused to even think about it, never mind discuss it, then the morning he actually left I completely broke down and was a blubbering wreck... It didn't make for a very nice 'goodbye' and did neither of us any good...

    I've now decided to try and face this one head on and just 'deal'... I've already started planning stuff... Extra gym and dance classes, ladies snowboarding sessions at my local snow slope, and I've looked into Spice meet ups to (thanks for that Josephine)... I'll inevitably be landing on all my friends on a regular basis too.... To the point where part of me is actually looking forward to it now (omg I must be a horrible person!!)

    I think I will actually start some of this before he leaves to get used to it, and to show hubby that I'll be fine... I know he's worrying about leaving me!

    Anyway, thanks everyone for your help and sound advice... It really is invaluable... And has helped me deal with this much better than I normally would!! Xxxx

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    I've also just had the dreaded news of a 6 month tour. Kind of knew it was coming but there was a tiny glimmer of hope there that they would say you're not going.
    This will be his 2nd Tour since we've been together, and whilst the first one was hard, we had only been together 3 months. 3 years and a baby down the line I am sad about the things he will miss, but will make sure he has lots of pics etc and will keep myself busy planning our wedding.

    Don't know if you saw another thread I posted on about things to give before they go, but I made him a bottle of "happy pills" which had a prescription on the bottle saying take one daily, will relieve sadness, loneliness etc, and inside were folded up pieces of paper with a shared memory, song lyrics, jokes, one with a red lipstick kiss, a cut out of my hand so he could put it in his pocket and carry it around with him, photos printed onto paper etc. I put in enough for one month supply, and then sent him one every month he was away. He absolutely loved it, and even had a little bottle that he would put in 7 days supply when he was out. I will definitely be doing this for him again as he said it gave him something to look forward to everyday. All his mates said they were jealous of them, and even got excited for him for "pill of the day".
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  19. #19
    Senior Member Medic_K's Avatar
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    I've done something very similar Siany Mr K just needs to get his parcel to get them!!


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  20. #20
    Senior Member Bonfire's Avatar
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    I know this is an old thread now... but my how time flies.... Hubby just got flight details.... his transport is picking up on Monday and his flight leave early hours of Tuesday morning.... (a good 5 days earlier than scheduled... typical!!)

    only a few more days till a boy-free house.... no more having to close the toilet lid for a whole 6 months!!
    Petal likes this.

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