Thread: Why is he being like this? Is it normal?

Ok so some of you might have read what ive put on here recently,
but my OH is away in Cyprus. The first time he's been away.

I'm 18 and at university. He's getting annoyed at me and finding arguments out of no where! I put that i'm going out on monday night on facebook, and he's seen it and he's just started a full on argument with me saying I never tell him anything anymore! It wasn't that I wasn't going to tell him, its just that I was talking to my friend on my wall about monday night, and he read it there first.

He's been picking arguments from really pathetic things but this time he even went as far as to say that he was fed up of the relationship! And he's said some really hurtful things, when all ive done is try to support him the best I can.

I think maybe its because he's bored and its driving him mad out there! But still, that doesnt mean he can take it out on me like this. Its really upset me :/ And it kind of makes me feel bad for having a life while he's away. But what he doesnt understand is that I'm 18 almost 19..and people my age go out! He's 23 and he's been going out since he was like 15 or something..but its still relatively new to me because ive only been able to go out for almost a year now.

Its just making me feel so bad, even for doing other things, like going shopping with my sister! Because he wanted to speak to me on skype at a certain time!

Its really getting me down that he's picking at everything, ive told him he cant be like this every time he's away..will he snap out of it?

Sorry for the massive rant, im just really fed up at the minute. Is it something I just have to get used to?

Sounds like a control freak of a bloke, get rid! Or tell him to get his arrse around a few bars and live a little.

Tell him that he chose his job and you chose yours. Dull tours are part of his job. Go out and enjoy yourself and advise him to like it or lump it.

And maybe if your in a conciliatory mood tell him what you're doing before you announce it on faceache!

He's got to get it into his head that we don't sit around pining waiting for our OHs to get in touch at their convenience! Life doesn't stop at home just because he's scuffing around in Cyprus, or anywhere else for that matter. If anyone has to start acting their age, it's him.

Sorry but when he disappears off on deployment for half a year, what does he expect you to do?

To survive as a military spouse, one has to be independent and look after onesself. If he doesn't get that, he's going to be single for a very long time.

FB is evil!

TBH if he is like this now, can you honestly see this relationship lasting? I'm a firm believer that distance can either make the heart grow fonder or end a relationship. Can guarantee he is sat there doing jack all, plenty for him to do in cyprus!

I think you both need a long stern talking to. If he doesn't like you having a life, then endex it and get on with being young and enjoying yourself. If he is misguiding his feelings into anger, as he misses you, then he needs a good old slapping.

How long have you both been together?

He's worried that you're out and about and meeting people (blokes) and having fun while he's stuck in the Arrse end of nowhere getting bored.

Tell him to 'man the f'uck up, cupcake' then go out and enjoy yourself. It's going to be a long 6 months if you sit at home waiting for the phone to ring.

We've been together just over a year now.
He's never been like this, hes only been gone 3 weeks! He was never like this through basic or any other time we didn't see each other for a while.
I don't know what his problem is! Even his friend has told him to man up.

Either that or he's going to Ayia Napa every weekend and wants out of the relationship.

Truth is, none of us on here know, so ask him.

Here's the cynics take on things.....

You posted on facebook and he ranted at you.....

He ranted at you and you rant on here.....

He rants so you rant, and we give you sympathy and tell you it's not you it's him.

Well here's a wake-up call.

It's not him it is you.

Grow-up, step-up and sort it out yourself.

I'm seriously getting fed up with people going on about the men they met and the changes they've made to accommodate them and the life they could have had and the things they could have, should have, would have done. (No not you. Yet.)

It's an easy choice, and one you should make sooner rather than later, can you handle this relationship cos it doesn't sound like he can.

Stop living your life in cyber space and facebook is evil if you have no trust, communication, forethought for the other person you claim to do so for.

Like I said, the cynic.

Beebs

I didnt mean for it to come across that way beebs, all the ranting stuff.
I just wanted to know if its normal for when they go away for them to be like this, picking arguments from no where. I don't know if its him or the situation he's in.
Obviously you lot have more experience with this than me, and I was wondering if its always like this when they go away, all lovey one minute, and an argument from no where the next. If not, then I'll know its him.

As for facebook, I know its not great, but its the best way to communicate because its costing loads for me to top up a phone to talk to him for just a short time. And I cant really do that because im a student.

Is it him? Yes. He sounds like a wee boy confused by the fact he can't control you when he's so far away and resenting the fact you have (obviously as the facebook ref was a conversation with a friend) a life.

Is he unique? No. Does that make it okay? Well that's down to you to decide.

Is he in a war-zone? No. He's in Cyprus. People go on holiday there. It's a holiday destination, with holiday destination things to do.

Why is he like this now? Pick any number of reasons and we'll pick five more.

Rari,

He's in Cyprus, not Afghan. He's not really able to get in a situation here unless he pisses off the Russians.

He is probably bored already because, like I have already said, there is sod all open here at the moment. Maybe a couple of clubs on the island. Everything is seasonal and nothing will really open up until April/May.

If I were you I would stop looking for excuses as to why he is getting this stroppy and be telling him he packs it in or you're off.

He can't go out in ayia napa, British forces are banned from the square area.

There is plenty to do out of season, if you're willing to travel around the island, especiall up into the mountains. Skiing, go go-karting (they are big on that as a sprot in cyp, decent place in nicosia to do it in). He just needs to get off his arse and get on with it.

Originally Posted by Rari

As for facebook, I know its not great, but its the best way to communicate because its costing loads for me to top up a phone to talk to him for just a short time. And I cant really do that because im a student.

He's earning money and there are cheap ways to call from Cyprus, it just takes him a little effort, but why are you doing the topping up of the phone?

Originally Posted by Josephine

He can'y go out in ayia napa, British forces are banned from the square area.

There is plenty to do out of season, if you're willing to travel around the island, especiall up into the mountains. Skiing, go go-karting (they are big on that as a sprot in cyp, decent place in nicosia to do it in). He just needs to get off his arse and get on with it.

Ah yes Ski-ing and Go Karting. I forgot about them. Probably because I have the kids issue on my own.

Gonzo, it's ok to leave the kids locked in a room for the day





Your OH can buy top up cards from a newsagents that allows him to basically make cheap calls abroad i.e instead of 14p per min, this allows say 2p per min or something. There are ways to do things out there, if he is being lazy, then sod him.

I am sorry hon, but I think you need to get rid! Control freak, yes, some of the advice might be harsh, but so true and fair!

Get a back bone and tell him to wind his neck in, you had a life before you met him, you have a life now and will continue to have one after him. Seriously, I think that you both need to man up!- you stop being a doormat and him being a tw@t....

Just my bit of advice....... and to your question, is it normal.... errrrrrm, I would say no, its not normal if a loving fair mature relationship..!

The last time Mr D was away he was in a bit of a sulk one day because I "seem so happy and upbeat" I pulled him up on it and asked would he want me to be a crying wreck on the floor or enjoying myself as an independant person, he realised he was being a bit self obsorbed thinking that just because I missed him (which I did A LOT) that I couldn't function.

Honestly this lad sounds a bit controlling to me. I don't really care where the OH is or what he is doing- if I want to go out and enjoy myself I will at the end of the day I am young (ish) and I plan to live a little!

Originally Posted by dizzy.chick

The last time Mr D was away he was in a bit of a sulk one day because I "seem so happy and upbeat" I pulled him up on it and asked would he want me to be a crying wreck on the floor or enjoying myself as an independant person, he realised he was being a bit self obsorbed thinking that just because I missed him (which I did A LOT) that I couldn't function.

Honestly this lad sounds a bit controlling to me. I don't really care where the OH is or what he is doing- if I want to go out and enjoy myself I will at the end of the day I am young (ish) and I plan to live a little!

Erm, D_C you are a baby compared to a lot of us, and we are all still young enough to go out and have fun and live a little!

Originally Posted by Gonzo

Erm, D_C you are a baby compared to a lot of us, and we are all still young enough to go out and have fun and live a little!

You lot might be, I on the other hand is an old git ... well when it comes to going out and that stuff I am!