Thread: Newbie - First tour - rollercoaster of emotions and SO many questions!!!

Hi everyone!!

Boy am I glad I've found you lot (well, actually, thank you to a lovely friend for sending me your way ... I think her ears are bent completely out of shape by now, bless her!)

My partner is deploying for Afghan next month, and I'm in tatters! It's his 4th tour, but his first since being with me (thought we'd got away with it, but unfortunately not!) and my world has now officially started spinning a little bit wonky...

I've been really good the last few months. Bit worried, bit apprehensive, bit tearful sometimes, but it's really started to hit home now. Less than 5 weeks and he's off ...

I just have no idea what to expect when he goes and when he's out there, how I "should" be feeling right now, and have a million and one questions like how do we keep in touch, how do I send parcels, what am I not allowed to send, how often will I hear from him, what happens "if something happens" etc ...

I've asked him so many questions, and he is just cool as a cucumber.
"How do we keep in contact?"
"We write to eachother, or email..." (like, d'oh!)

"What if something happens to you?"
"Dad is NOK and he will contact you. But nothing is going to happen to me"

"When will you be back? Or back for R&R?"
"We don't know until we're there, and even then, it can change all the time"

I'm afraid I might need a little more than that, but I certainly don't want to bombard him with any more questions. He's stressing enough about it, he's sleeping so badly at the moment, and he's going to miss his two little boys so much (they live with their mum, but are very close to their daddy), not to mention me and my little boy who also adores him ...so I need to now get my head right and start to be strong for him.

I can fall to bits once he's gone, but right now, I need to be strong ...

HELP!!!!!

K x

Unfortunately for you he's already given you all the hard facts he can. Comms are at the will and restriction of the events in theatre but email, phone and writing letters/eblueys is pretty much it.

He may be able to put you down as an emergency contact - not sure of the specifics of that but my idiot male has me down as one as we live together while his mum is obviously still NOK since we're unmarried. But he's looking at it the right way, none of the NOK/EC stuff matters when he won't be getting hurt and will be coming home to annoy you just as soon as he's able.

RnR and the end of tour dates are, umm, fluid, he'll find out his RnR dates when he gets there, but they can be moved around at the behest of in theatre events which often they don't find out until fairly last minute.

In the meantime me thinks it must be your round so I'll have a large bottle of rose, and a double vodka chaser.

Cheers for that, Scuba! I know he's answered everything he can, and I have stopped asking him stupid questions now (like ... err ... what the heck is a bluey?!?)

I just need the support and help from a group like this to get me through it now ... it's going to be the longest 6 months of my life!!

Voddies are up, and here's the bottle of Rose ... cheers!!

Blueys are the letters they write - a 'paper' bluey is basically light blue airmail paper which go through the regular post but there are also 'eblueys' which you write like an email but get printed either in the uk or in theatre and then delivered with the post.

Don't worry about the stupid questions, several years in I'm still asking mine stupid questions (although mainly its things like why do you never change the loo roll when you finish it...).

Blueys are mail items you can get electronic and hand written....

So hand written - you get these from your local post office, it's a 3 fold sheet of paper, you fill it out, address it and if he's in Afghan, it's free to post.

E-blueys are here.... https://www.ebluey.com you register just before he goes out, it's like an e-mail but... it gets printed out locally and is handed out like mail, no one see's it and you can add pictures to it and it's again, free for you to use.

What have I been doing....

1 - E-mailsI do (pretty much) daily knowing that he can't always reply to them, but these are my day to day spam, what's going on etc so that he feels part of my life still good news/bad news
2 - E blueys - less chatty than the e-mails, a bit more personal stuff never bad news
3 - Letters - old fashioned love letters, I don't put anything in them than love letter stuff

Parcels - Ministry of Defence | Defence For... | The Service Community | BFPO | Enduring Free Mail Service all the rules and regs of what you can and cannot send.

Always make sure your parcel is under 2kg, if it's over, you can send it, but it will cost you, there is no problem with splitting parcels into 2.... sending things that melt = bad idea!

My parcels include food/magazines/memory card with Christmas messages/stupid item to entertain...

keep yourself busy and the time does go faster, I'm in the last few weeks of a 6.5 month deployment with no R&R and cannot wait

So welcome to the family, mines a G&T

Has he already had his families day briefing? Welfare gave out quite a handy pack at ours with things like a guide to signing up to eblueys and other bits and bobs

The most important thing to remember is to wrap all his packages in pink wrapping paper- the ones with princesses are the best He will thank you for it when he gets back- I promise

*disclaimer- I had sugar in my tea this morning so might be in a slightly comical mood and all advice should be taken with a pinch of sherbet*

Welcome!!! so much good advice here!!! suck it all up!!!

As for Dizzy and her suggestion of pink wrapping paper, it is a MUST, seriously! oh and i also recommend to write little messages on the envelopes on the back, ha ha ha! and always have SWALK on them! ha ha ha

Trust me, it will fly by, make the most of it, mine is home in 2wks after 7months and 2 days... and kind of panicing that i will have to share the remote/bed/wine/ice cream/his socks etc etc with him again!- only joking!

mmm it is early, so i will have an Irish coffee, please, as that isn't really a REAL drink is it...?????

Miss P xxx

Oh and don't forget to send tons of eblueys/blueys and parcels all at the same time so he gets crated! He will love you forever!!

Seriously though, there's always something new that comes along and confuses the hell out of you and there's usually someone on RP who can help out with the answer. And the build up is always worse than once they're gone. it's easier to handle the reality than it is all the what if's so don't panic this lead up period is one of the hardest bits.

Mine's a black sambucca and redbull with ice please. And no I don't care that it's only 9.54am!!

Originally Posted by dizzy.chick

The most important thing to remember is to wrap all his packages in pink wrapping paper- the ones with princesses are the best He will thank you for it when he gets back- I promise

*disclaimer- I had sugar in my tea this morning so might be in a slightly comical mood and all advice should be taken with a pinch of sherbet*

I am so going to do that for the next parcel, it's all packaged up, just not wrapped up, oh yes, I can see the sniggers in the mess now!

Thanks Dizzy, was trying to find a way to make it "different"

Hello and welcome to RP. This place has saved my sanity while my OH has been in the sandpit.

Can't really add much more to what the other girls have said but I'm 10 weeks from the end of a 6.5 month tour now and I'm surprised how quick it has gone. Keeping busy helps and I enrolled on a yoga course to give me something else to look forward to from week to week.

I send a mix of eblueys, normal blueys and emails/fb messages. But dont expect the same volume back!! And lots of parcels, my OH loves sweets and crisps.

Dont worry about stupid questions, I must have been having a really blonde moment when I asked my OH if the guards guns on the gate at camp were actually loaded on my first trip there. Even as I said it I realised it was a stupid question. He didnt even bother to answer me.

Hello! Welcome along!

Count down is the worst time. When he's actually gone, you might actually surprise yourself with how well you cope. Folk are always around here and someone always has the answer to any questions that you've got. As the countdown moves on, don't worry if you are secretly wishing that he'd just go already so he can hurry up and come back, he'll most likely be thinking the same.

Enjoy your time together and on low days just think about what you can do for his first box. Keep busy when he is gone - this will be your saviour but once in a while allow yourself duvet time if you need it, don't run yourself into the ground. Before you know it, time will have gone surprisingly quick.

Hx

oh yes, mines a pitcher of white wine please!

Everyone has already said what I would. So as the bar is open I'll have a very large Brandy Sour please!

Thank you all SO much for your replies!! It so good to speak to other people who have been through, and are going through, this. It's horrendous!!

But you are right, the countdown is the worst! Once he's there I know it's going to go quickly, and then it will be R&R and before I know it, he'll be back here with us ... and yes, in some ways I do wish it would just hurry up and happen so it can be over already, I'm so glad that's normal, I was feeling so guilty about those thoughts!!

The most frustrating thing for me is that, in this short time that we have left together, he's away for 3/4 of it on exercise! He's known he was going for months, yet they cram it all in at the last minute when we should be spending some quality time together before he goes away... grrr. But hey, that's the Army for you, used to it by now

I'm hoping to see him tonight, but if not then it will only be the 22nd, and then he's away up North with his kiddies for a week, and then I will *hopefully* see him the week before he goes, and *hopefully* get a good long weekend or week away out of that ...

I need to sit down and register for the eblueys with him ... but I don't think he knows the BFPO number of where he is going to be yet ... on account of he doesn't know where he is going to be yet! So might have to be a last minute thing ... but I'm on it!!

You are all superstars! Thank you again for your replies ... cheers *raises glass* xx

Originally Posted by Ames

Dont worry about stupid questions, I must have been having a really blonde moment when I asked my OH if the guards guns on the gate at camp were actually loaded on my first trip there. Even as I said it I realised it was a stupid question. He didnt even bother to answer me.

Ames!! I did EXACTLY the same thing!! Hahahahaha!! I just got this sideways look with this absolutely horrified look on his face, like "what the hell did you just say??" before he just crumpled with laughter. And I've never, ever lived it down!!

Originally Posted by Medic_K

I need to sit down and register for the eblueys with him ... but I don't think he knows the BFPO number of where he is going to be yet ... on account of he doesn't know where he is going to be yet! So might have to be a last minute thing ... but I'm on it!!

Mr D didn't know last time and he sent me an ebluey with the details on and I just had to wait for that to come through- just to be aware of that. Normally though if its got his number etc on it they will find their way to him

Thanks, Dizzy. It's that step that I'm getting stuck on, though ... I can't continue with the ebluey registration because it wants me to add a BFPO number from the list before I can go to the next step, which is entering the mister's details ... unless I just pick one at random, but then it puts it in to his details on the next page ... :/

Hello and welcome Medic_K. You'll probably have noticed a bit of a trend here . . . most things you want to do are going to have to wait until he gets where he's going!

Just forget about all the tour preparation stuff. You'll have lots and lots of time when he's gone to sort all that out (I had 2 weeks of thumb twiddling before he made contact). Wait until then so you've got something constructive to do and something to occupy your mind.

Hello and welcome ..... go buy plenty of pencils and erasers :-)

www.ebluey.com will be your best friend

As said above, he has answered what he can. The best thing you can do is sit back and relax for him, last thing he'll need is his misses having an anxiety attack as the weeks lead up.

Use this forum as an outlet, possibly start a blog (?). When you do write to him, tell him about your days/weeks, make it as normal as possible, it will help him more than you know it. You can also send care packages out there, keep them under 2kg, as they are free.

Keep your life as normal as possible and the time will go quicker than you'd imagined it to.