Thread: Partner at HMS Raleigh and our Son is only 11 days old :(

Well, the day we have been dreading for so long as come and gone. My partner went to HMS Raleigh yesterday leaving me here with our 2 year old daughter and 11 day old son! The departure went better than I expected, with me managing to pull myself together quite quickly after he got on the train, I dont think that it has quite sunk in yet though...i'm sure that when it does I will be a wreck. Our daughter keeps on saying that Daddy has gone on a pirate ship and is going to be Captain Hook
Does anyone here have a partner in this intake, or that has been there recently that can give me any ideas on how to cope when it finally dawns on me that life as I know it has changed forever??x

Never been involved with the Navy, but their are plenty here that have.

Being busy keeps you going and with a 2 yr old and an 11 day old I am sure you will have plenty of that!

Hi there Congratulations on your baby boy x

My OH went to Raleigh in May and left me with an 8 year old and a 2 year old. I'm not going to lie and say you'll find this easy but you will cope. The kids will keep you busy and honestly, once you get the first week out of the way and get used to sleeping by yourself (which was the worst bit for me personally although now I love being able to sleep diagonally) the 10 weeks goes surprisingly quickly.

Don't count the days - just tick off each week as you get past it. If at all possible, go down for passout as it's a brilliant day and they're good at making you realise that you've achieved something too.

Do you have family nearby who can help with the kids? That was what I found the hardest as my family don't live locally and I can imagine you're going to need the help with a newborn.

Stick around on here - the support is brilliant. You can do this and it'll all be worth it xxx

Once the first few weeks are out of the way you'll get into a routine, I found that kids occupy alot of your time then I turned to DIY and early nights with tv and chocs to fill the rest of time I wasn't working,
Now I dread him coming home taking over my bed leaving me dangling of the edge, spoiling my routine and leaving big mound of washing and cleaning to do,
Enjoy the time you get to spend talking on the phone as during basic it can be quick calls to moan about something just listen, know it can be hard and stressfully and you have lots to moan about but if he thinks your coping the easier it is for him to concentrate, I still do that in phase 2,
Enjoy time with kids and if your feeling down the guys on here will soon pick you back up good luck

Hiya and congratulations on your baby boy!!!

Well, I think anyone would be feeling emotional but with just having had a baby it is going to be hard. Lean on us and we will get you through it.

TLC x

Thankyou guys, I have coped pretty well so far. As I said I'm not sure it has really sunk in yet! Spoke to my OH yesterday and had a few texts today and that didnt make me cry so fingers crossed I will hold out! He did tell me that this forum would help so I can imagine I will be on here a fair bit.
I'm not worried about the days so much as I can find plenty to do and have taken to housework as a way to keep myself occupied, its the evenings that will be the hardest I'm sure. I tend to think about things when I'm not busy, and if the kids dont go down easily that will be tough.
I am definately going to go to his passing out parade, I wouldnt miss that for the world. Hoping to take the kids too, although not sure if there is a limit on how many people each man can have??xxx

There's not really a limit on guests - one of the lads at OHs parade must have had 20 people. The parade was great for our 2 year old he seemed to finally make the connection between "Daddy gone" and "Daddy work".

Well it hit me this afternoon, finally broke down in tears and it wasnt really triggered by anything please please tell me it will get easier???

Originally Posted by MissPrice87

Well it hit me this afternoon, finally broke down in tears and it wasnt really triggered by anything please please tell me it will get easier???

Your other half has just left you for basic training which is stressful enough, on top of that you have a 2 year old and a 11 day old baby, you are not a superhero, so you were bound to break down at some point. You are emotionally drained, exhausted and hormonal, a horrible combination of emotions. Allow yourself to have the down times, don't be scared of it, don't feel guilty, just give in to it. It could be that you are more exhausted then you are giving yourself credit for.

Without being rude, have you been eating properly since your OH left or are you getting by with snacks? How about sleep? Are you getting any rest between babies feeds or are you trying to establish breastfeeding?

Sending huge hugs your way ....

TLC xx

Originally Posted by Tootsie_Le_Coq

Will it get easier? Your other half has just left you for basic training which is stressful enough, on top of that you have a 2 year old and a 11 day old baby, you are not a superhero, so you were bound to break down at some point. You are emotionally drained, exhausted and hormonal, a horrible combination of emotions. Allow yourself to have the down times, don't be scared of it, don't feel guilty, just give in to it. It could be that you are more exhausted then you are giving yourself credit for.

Without being rude, have you been eating properly since your OH left or are you getting by with snacks? How about sleep? Are you getting any rest between babies feeds or are you trying to establish breastfeeding?

Sending huge hugs your way ....

TLC xx

Not really eaten and cant really sleep in the day so i think I am just very very tired and stressed on top of it all and trying to recover from the birth still to be honest. I have a feeling that this forum will help me a lot... xxx

You need to eat properly and look after yourself, get yourself self completely stocked up for the next few days as there is some cold weather coming in. You don't want to run out of essentials over the next week or so......

Seriously, you have to look after yourself so you can look after little ones, that is what my Health Visitor always told me. The other gem she told me is that babies and toddlers love Classical FM radio station and that classical music boosts theirIQ (so very, very true) and that once the kids were asleep my priorities HAD to be Eat Properly, Shower and have a Power Nap if at all possible. A fifteen minute power nap can really help, any longer than that will make you feel lousy.

Do you know that before I had kids I would never, ever would have eaten Beans on Toast for breakfast. Seriously this is power food that will keep you going for a few hours. Ditto porridge which is as cheap as chips as a huge bag lasts for ages. I used to live on the stuff and hearty soups. I used to have a lot of fish fingers sandwiches for lunch as well, with a slice of cheese it is quite nutritional and is really filling.Used to have those Youngs Ocean and Admirals pies a lot as well. Bung them in the oven and serve with some green stuff and then grab some yoghurts for dessert.

Sorry if that is patronising, but I had four children in four years and I know just how hard it is at the end of the day to think "I need to eat" when all you want to do is eat crap, drink wine and watch shit TV.

TLC x

You were probably told this with your eldest but when the kids nap, sod the housework and look after yourself. I know where you're coming from with the loss of appetite as I get that too. When you're exhausted you don't want to cook. The world won't end if you have ready meals or beans for a bit.. Can you get someone to take the kids for a bit to let you sleep or are you breastfeeding?x

I am very lucky as my parents live down the road so will have the kids if i need. I am joinin slimming world tomorrow as I know this will encourage me to eat proper meals rather than snack on crap!!
im lucky with sleep as the baby went from 9.30-5am last night then back down until I had to wake him for the school run x

hey, im new on here, my hubby went to raleigh 2 weeks ago, actually left on our daughters birthday! all i can say is i felt exactly like you are, was living in a bubble for over a week, didnt feel like eating and i cried at everything, especially when something sad came on the tv lol, but now its finally getting easier! ive got the kids that keep me very busy, loads of house work and ive been going to my mums and my dads for tea every few days which has got me out and some adult convo lol,

at 1st i only got 5 mins a night to talk or txt to him, but now hes got alot more free time and can talk longer which helps alot,

now im loving being able to starfish in bed lol, and not having to answer to anyone for anything i do, like not having to say when ill be home, or makeing sure ive left a key cos hes too lazy to take his etc...

we are travelling down to his parade in 8 weeks, and im excited with the planning for it, looking at dresses etc,,

so yeh things do get easier, i certainly didnt think they would a week ago but they are

so chin up, enjoy these times with your babies, dont get stressed and time will fly in xxx

Yesterday was a hard day, we only managed to exchange a text message at 6am and have a 4 minute phone call at night, of which he spent most of the time fighting back emotion. I remembered the previous posts on here and convinced him that I was fine and that me and the kids were coping amazingly (which we are to a degree but I didnt say that I was finding it hard!)
Whilst dropping my daughter off at nursery today she asked for her Daddy for the first time since he left which was hard, very hard but I dint cry and held it together. Luckily her Nursery are fab and there is a little boy that has a Daddy in the Navy too so they are prepared on how to deal with it. xx

You'll probably spend a lot of time being strong on the phone to him. My OH was massively homesick and really missed the kids. He never cries but was getting very upset on the phone in the first week and he's since told me that he's glad I kept it together or he would have possibly given up and PVR'd. First couple of weeks, first possible PVR date and first week back after Easter leave will probably be the hardest times for him so be prepared to cut a call short and cry afterwards if you need to x

I might be being a bit naive but whats a PVR date? Im not up to date with all the lingo yet lol
Yeh I held it together and had a few tears after the phone call but not too bad. Yes I am dreading the week he has to go back after Easter as he will have had 2 weeks with the kids. xx

PVR is Premature Voluntary Release. Basically, if he really can't stand it he can leave after 28 days - they have another chance to do it at 6 months. My OH was in back in 2002 and left after 6 months and 3 days and has regretted it ever since (although he was only 16 and I couldn't have hacked it at that age either), hence going back Some classes you will get a few people leaving and others you won't get any x

Oh I see, well I told him that I dont want to see him untill he finishes. (of course I do but you know what I mean!)
He text and said he was having a bit of a breakdown the night before last, and then with him being emotional on the phone I was really worried that he wasnt going to stick at it because he was going to find it too hard. But I had a tex today to say he was having a better day so fingers crossed he is getting used to the idea of being away from us. I really hope that he gets everything that he can out of this experience, he signed up before we got together and had the kids and I said that I dont want to hold him back and he should still go for it. I would feel awful if he hated every minute of it and I was the one that pushed him to continue with it even after we got together. Although I think I would probably feel a lot worse if I was the reason he threw his dreams of a Navy life away and was stuck in the boring 9-5 lifestyle that I know he really hates!

They're all finding it really tough this week and their DO will be keeping a close eye on them. The first 4 weeks are the worst apparently so if he can concentrate on getting through them he'll be ok. Raleigh is tough on purpose but it does get loads better in Phase 2 so do everything you can to get him to give it at least the 6 months and not jack it in at 4 weeks.

What branch will he be joining after Raleigh?