Thread: I just need help!

Well, this is my first post but its urgent.

You see, my boyfriend is going to the Navy, and has asked me to move to Dartmouth with him and travel to the different bases with him. But I'm concerned about where I would live. Because I'm a 'girlfriend' am I eligible to get accommodation with the navy? Or would I have to rent places near the base?
Hope there's someone that can help me.

Don't think the Navy will accommodate you, so you will have to get married, get a dog and have a couple of kids. Then you will be all set to be accommodated by the Navy.

Now, if you don't get married, you could always be smuggled onto camp and room hop to avoid the MPs....but there is no way you could tell who you would be room mates with and you may end up in all sorts of bondage situations.

Haha, thanks. I don't fancy the room hopping and I don't think he wants to get married, so I guess renting it is. Thanks

Is he intending on renting places with you or are you expected to fork out for a place on your own? Is your job one that can move easily? If he were to be posted every 3 years that could seriously damage your career progression if you're not in the sort of job that adapts well to change. (I don't know how the navy works if he doesn't move then that isn't really an issue)

It's easy to get caught up in the romance of him wanting you to move around with him but make sure you think of all the harsh realities and how it could affect you before you sign any rental agreements.

Yea, I'm just coming out of school and have no plans for work, obviously I'm going to get work but I don't have any ambitions in that area.
And I'm not sure whether he's going to be living on base or not. I would assume so which is awkward 'cause I can't afford to rent on my own. But I really wanna go with him because even though it is romantic I do want to be with him, not just the romance.

Be aware as well that the job market in and around Dartmouth isn't exactly jumping and it's incredibly seasonal. Unless you're looking for waitress/barmaid jobs, you'll have to travel to work elsewhere.

Private rents down there are also astronomical. My OHs best mate is a chef in Dartmouth and even though he's working for a TV chef and is on a fair wage, he's having to house share to stand a chance of surviving.

Good luck!

I'm guessing your OH will be going in as an officer since you're talking about Dartmouth rather than Raleigh? I would presume that there will still be a minimum time that he has to live with the other candidates for before being able to live elsewhere.

I didn't mean to suggest you were just running with it cos it seems romantic I just meant that it's easy to get carried away and think 'i want to be with him so much i would move heaven and earth' when the horrible reality might be that it's just not possible. Get yourself on rightmove.com and get an idea of prices in the area you would be moving to so you can have a good idea whether or not it would be in your price range.

When you say just out of school are you 16/17? if you are then without any formal training in anything then you're looking at minimum wage which is this:
National Minimum Wage (NMW)
The National Minimum Wage is £4.92 an hour for 18 to 20 year olds and £5.93 an hour for 21 year olds and over. Employees aged 16 or 17 (who are older than Mandatory School Leaving Age) are entitled to £3.64 an hour. Those who are of compulsory school age are not entitled to the NMW.
Apprentices under the age of 19 are entitled to £2.50 an hour. Apprentices who are 19 or over during the first 12 months of their apprenticeship are entitled to the same amount.

So after having a quick look on rightmove there cheapest one bed place is £425 pcm, thats not including council tax, gas, electricity, water rates, food, tv license, phone, internet connection. You would probably be looking at £700/800 pcm That means working 220 hours a month just to pay your living expenses. That's 55 hours a week. Its a lot of work and the odds are you'd either be working or too damn knackered to spend any time with your partner.

I'm not trying to rain on your parade more try and help make sure you don't get yourself into something you really can't afford and end up in debt that you'll spend the best years of your life trying to claw yourself back out of. oh my god how old did that make me feel!!

Yea, I think if needs be ill stay here, I get money and stuff, then go down once I've got a little to help, and I'm planning on going down whem I'm 18 but I've also thought an option might be moving in with family down there, they live a little further away but ten ill be with people I know and someone I can stay. But would that limit my chances of meeting more people in my position?
And yea he's training to be an officer.

Dont rush into anything, I dont know when your OH is moving but it doesnt mean you have to move at the same time as him. I assume he will be busy anyway so if you do move at the same time, how often would you get to see him?
And what about when he is sent on tour? Would you be happy being left living near the base on your own?
Sit down and work out the finances, as ST said you dont want to get into difficulties. Are you renting on your own or if you waited till he was allowed to live off base would you live together?
How will you pay the bills? Have you looked at jobs? If you are planning to move soon, start applying for jobs now.

Living apart isnt such a bad thing, I love living on my own and then I get really excited when he comes home.

Stay at home, until he sorts himself out, it is new to him too, he will want to 'spread his wings', it could put more pressure on your relationship if you go down too early......

There is no rush and wknds down there will be fun, and remember he is going to be so busy!! I would wait until he gets through, then worry about where you are going to live, you have years ahead of you!

Good luck

Miss P xxxx

Hi LozzyGee, welcome to RP and the complicated world of living with someone in the forces

Where do you live now? would it be possible for you both to visit each other as and when you can?.

I nodded a nod of agreement with Special Trees first reply. In the beginning of our relationship I would have moved heaven on earth to be with my other half- at the time he was down south and I was in Yorkshire. Its a bit different because I have 2 kids and a place of my own so he'd drive the 3hr plus drive back every Friday to spend a couple of days with us.

As time has gone on as much as I love him and want to BE with him I've realised its just not realistic at the moment, financially or emotionally for the kids.

We've discussed this many times and as you'll find out, nothing can be known for certain with the forces, plans change at the drop of a hat multiple times and we figured me and the kids would spend a lot of time somewhere strange on our own anyway because of exercises, courses and deployments etc etc

The chances are, even if you can afford it, find a job and a house etc you'll be on your own a lot anyway.

We are battling through the hard times we spend apart and making the most of the time we do get together and its working pretty well to be honest.

Plus I like the fact that I have a little bit of life for myself when he's not here. Its great that we don't NEED each other, we WANT each other and being apart or not I can't see that changing anytime soon.

I don't mean to p!ss on your strawberries and sound negative- thats not my intention. I was just telling you my situation and how it works for us

I was thinking about waiting till he's done his year of training and stuff then going down. And we would be living 12 hours drive away from each other so I was thinking even if I lived a little closer with family and friends then see him as much as possible cause 12 hours takes a long time to plan stuff. If I went and lived with my family I might be able to start my own life in England, and he starts his and we see each other as much as possible with out depending on each other. Thank you everyone, you've given me lots to think about and more options!!! I feel a bit better

Just remember anything is possible you seem to have options available to you, so you can think things through and see how they go.

Good Luck!! x

thank you!!!

I hope it all works out for you, sometimes the long distance thing is a pain but if you both want to make it work, it will. (This is what I have to keep telling my OH as he is panicking about his posting to Germany when he comes back from the sandpit as I can't move with him, making him 2 plane rides away instead of 1 as it is now)

Oh and welcome to RP! x

Thank you and stories like yours make mine look like nothing, you're very inspirational!

Originally Posted by LozzyGee

I was thinking about waiting till he's done his year of training and stuff then going down. And we would be living 12 hours drive away from each other so I was thinking even if I lived a little closer with family and friends then see him as much as possible cause 12 hours takes a long time to plan stuff. If I went and lived with my family I might be able to start my own life in England, and he starts his and we see each other as much as possible with out depending on each other. Thank you everyone, you've given me lots to think about and more options!!! I feel a bit better

I like this plan

Really hope it all works out for you and that you stick around here!
x

I'm with the advice that's already been given.

Also, after his training, it's a little different for the Navy than others (I assume officers are the same).

He gets to choose either a base of choice or a ship, if he chooses a Type X ship as his preference, he may well be moved between bases and therefore you have to follow.

If he chooses a base, he will get assigned to any ship assigned to that base.

So moving down now, to Dartmouth, where he won't get a quarter as he's in training and you know no one, when he won't have masses of free time anyway is a really bad idea.

The simple truth (although harsh so I apologise) if you can't survive his training and being apart, how will you both cope with his deployments.

Wait till he's chosen his draft before moving, and the separation will either make you stronger as a couple, in which case then is the time to decide, or you will drift apart and you haven't given up your circle of friends/support network for nothing.

It's not necessarily easy, but a long distance relationship can and does work (although I only live 3.5 hours away from my OH when he's in the UK), basically use this time to grow, work out what you want from life (as you will need this to survive the deployments) and make the most of the weekends you have together.

Good luck

Hi Lozzy
I am with some of the others on this one. I am 19 months into a relationship and I live overseas and we make it work, a ER said it's because we want it to and want to be with each other. It is difficult (you make plans, the Marines then decide he has to go on a little overseas trip etc!) and you have to get used to being independent and not kick off when plans change because of the job. You will at times feel like a mistress as they are married to their ships!! Lots of the time they are posted away (if he is Navy he could be on a ship for 6-9 months!)and you may well end up somewhere new with no-one there for you. He may well only be based in Dartmouth for a year - his first draft may well be Plymouth or Portsmouth but it can just as easily be way up north in the depths of scotland! I would sit tight where you are while he is in training (he is going to have to live in for that bit anyway!) support him from a distance - make the most of weekends and leave periods and see how you both adjust to RN life! x