Thread: First Tour Blues

Hello,

I'm new to the forum and so pleased to have found you all for a bit of moral support! My boyfriend is due to deploy to Afghanistan early next year and I'm feeling anxious already. We've been together for over four years and I'm totally supportive of his career in the army. We got through Sandhurst together and survived limited contact and long distance affection!

I just wanted to know from others here how worried are you day to day when your partners are away? Are you constantly concerned for their safety?

I don't have any friends with partners in the army so it's great to have found you all here for advice. Thank you!

Hi and welcome to RP. Don't have any advice for you cos my OH is still in training but didn't want to read and not reply!

Someone will be along soon with a bit of advice xxx

Welcome to RP!

someone will be along shortly with some advice !

Same as above, couldn't read and not reply,

Blondz!

Welcome to RP bowbie.

My OH is currently on tour, in the build up to him going away I had mixed emotions and ways of dealing with it. At first I wanted to know all I could about the sand pit, watched all the tv programmes, read all the articles etc. Then a few weeks before he went, I didnt want to even hear the name of the place, I avoided anything about it and I was really worried all the time.
He's been there 7 weeks now and I've settled into a routine. I dont worry about him all the time as I would drive myself mad. I try not to think about what he is doing and just concentrate on keeping busy. Sometimes I cant help it and I get a bit upset but this is normal.
Before my OH went, he introduced me to the wives and GFs of some of the lads so I had someone to talk to about him and this really helps me, we are even meeting for a girly weekend next week.
Everyone is different and copes in different ways, but you will find your way of doing it and RP is always here for support.

Everyone deals with their OH being on tour in a different way I expect and i would be lying if I said I didn't worry about my hubby! All I can advise you to do is to try to keep yourself as busy as possible, you will worry about him but that is just par for the course. I busy myself with friends, work and thinking of stuff to send him that will put a smile on his face! It seems like such a long time at the start but believe me when i say; one day you will wake up and there will be a week to go until you see him and you will wonder where the time went

You have come to the right place for support XXXXX

Hi bowbie and welcome to RP

I am pretty lucky in that Mr D is locked away in an office whenever he goes away so I don't really worry too much. My biggest fear is him coming home early to see I have scoffed his "secret" stash of strawberry laces.

I also try and keep myself busy enough that I don't think about it too much until he is home. and RP is great for keeping you distracted. In fact (and I am not sure I should admit to this!?) I was reading through our old blueys from the tour before this one! Yikes! and it was when I read but didnt post on RP and I was telling him about some of the threads and he thought I had gone crazy.

This year before he went he said "well at least you have the RP girls to keep you company" (I think he is a bit relived to be in the sandpit instead of home when we have an RP night out!) hehe

Hey bowbie! You've come to the right place. My OH is in the sandpit now like ames's, he's been there since beginning of Oct. At first when we found out when he was going at the beginning of the year, I was awful!! I was so worried and I'd just get upset about it from time to time but over th months in the lead up to him going away to do his training in Germany for a few months, as much as I still worried and had horrible day dreams and whatnot, I'd also grown a massive pair and pretty much developed a shield. It does get better but only because you get used to it. When others talk about what's going on or you catch the news by accident, instead of getting all upset you just take it and stand strong. You will have bad days when he is gone but because you expect them, your ready to deal with it when it arises. Like he has to train, this time for you is training too and you will come out the other end so much stronger and ready for everything else the army has to throw at you.
Hx

Hello and welcome to RP.

Personally I find the pre deployment tour the worst part. Mr S is going feb and the bloody kit checking has started already. Bits of MTP keep appearing in piles.
As a born worrier I oddly don't worry about him being away. His trade and role means he is normally in the wire. If he goes out I don't know or want to.
I don't have a tv so find it easily not to watch news. I just know its a worry I can't control, so can let go of it. I worry more about him on his motorbike.

Here is a good place and hope you find it useful.

Brandy Sours are the answer to deployment!

Welcome to the mad house

what are brandy sours? they sound lovely ?

Hi and welcome...

I'm lucky, my OH is on a ship, so I consider that safer than a lot of other's on here, but he also boards other vessels... so there's always a risk.

Before he went, we spoke about communication (not always possible) about concerns and "stuff" that was on our minds, he had some concerns over me as I had a lot of "bad things" happening at the time, I guess this helped because he's done it before and we could allay each other on the concerns, plus it got it out in the open

So what do I do:

I watch the news, but don't tend to watch the documentary's they can be one sided and not always in the best way for someone who's OH is out there, my family check up on me,
I keep in touch with his family and pass on information that I think they will be interested in because I get most of the calls from him.
I keep busy <--- this is your life saver, you choose how to do it, but it's what helps to pass the time, sitting at home all the time will only make it all worse and it doesn't have to cost anything/much (take up walking/running/learn to knit and send him a scarf for comic value... etc).

Keep writing to him by what ever means works for you (so that you feel he is part of your life still), and accept there will be bad days, there will be good days but each one brings you closer to seeing him again.

And since it's your first post - mines a Strawberry gin please, I'm celebrating completing the house sale today, just got to find us a home to buy (no pressure there!)

Well, not my OH, but my 18 year old son. He finished his training in August, had the usual 2 weeks off, then went to Germany, but as the rest of the battallion was away on pre-deployment R&R, he ended up doing the paper shredding jobs etc. Then they all came back ready to deploy........but he was told he wasn't going (He was gutted)

Then he was going

Then he wasn't

Then he was going for a couple of weeks training out in the sandpit.

So he got out to the tented city, and because he hadn't been issued with his prescribed safety glasses, he couldn't do muh, other than more paper shredding jobs. (He has been messed about a lot)

Anyway.........he was then told he needed US to send him his contact lenses, and he would be staying out there for the duration, but he couldn't do much until his contacts arrived................so off we trotted to the post office.

He got his lenses and the day after he was away to some PB in a place I'm not sure if I can say on here????????

So the bottom twitching has started for us............and try as I may, I cannot shake it off. Allsorts have gone on in my head, from he'll be fine..............to worse. He managed to phone us the day before he went to his PB, and it was like Christmas eve to him........he couldn't wait..............try as I might, I still think, HE thinks its like a Playstation game.

My nerves are in bits, but thats something I have to get used to. Everytime the front door goes.........I cack it. When I lay in bed at night, i cack it

I really should stop watching the news as well............as that doesn't help.

Think it has helped typing all this out now...............but roll on his homecoming.

In fact............I think I'll just get pissed...............and stay that way until he comes home. Salute.gif

Originally Posted by Regan21

He managed to phone us the day before he went to his PB, and it was like Christmas eve to him........he couldn't wait..............try as I might, I still think, HE thinks its like a Playstation game.

It's fairly normal for him to be excited. He's a soldier who has been training to do this, and now he is able to do it for real. Don't think that him being excited will make him reckless, that isn't the case. I know he's young but in time he'll learn that there is a better way to tell Mum/GF/Wife about some of the stuff he is up to.

I still get excited about going on Ops. I'm nipping over to HERRICK for a couple of weeks soon, and trying to pretend to my wife that I'm not excited is tricky.

It's more difficult for those of you left at home; when soldiers are out there doing their thing they know exactly what risks they are taking/dangers they are in. Other soldiers can relate to that, which is shown in their apparent disregard and black humour. Mums and wives and girlfriends and kids only have their imaginations as to what exactly happens, and invariably you'll be constantly thinking the worst will happen.

my OH is due to go play sandcastles next year and he isn't even PRETENDING he's not excited! But I'd rather it that way, adrenaline firing than him dreading going

Hi and welcome! Suppose everyone deals with it differently, Mr P is a bit older and has deployed countless times, he gets excited, I get nervous and tearful and then you cope. suppose I am lucky as he is more experienced in deploying that I am (done countless tours before i met him!) so, that helps me cope, obviously you worry and just keep busy and just get used to the rollercoaster of emotions!

Think of the positives, not the negatives and you will be fine and it does go quickly, comms are pretty good too and do find it bizarre that I can be sitting at work and have a 20min conversation with him whilst he is out there.

Only you can make the most of the time whilst he is away and just remember that you aren't alone in it!

I'm so overwhelmed to have heard from so many of you, and it truly is reassuring to hear from others who've experienced what I'm going through. Ames, I can really relate to wanting to know everything about the tour one minute, and then not wanting to even hear it mentioned the next! Regan, I know what you mean about it helping typing everything out, I felt better immediately after typing out my original post.

Thank you so much, I really value all of your thoughts and advice.

Thanks goodness for RP!

P.S Congratulations on the house sale, Feisty One. And good luck with the house hunt!

Hello and welcome I'd just like to add that if you an emotional bunny, like myself, don't beat yourself up if you have a bad day occasionally. We are currently 11 weeks in to my OH's tour and have 9 weeks to go. At the beginning it felt like such a long time but, I have survived lol and now we are counting down the weeks. I have sat and felt sorry for myself at times but you dust yourself down and carry on regardless - you have to!! I don't live on a base or have friends in the same situation either and they really don't understand what its like but you can rely on someone on here to come forward with a great listening ear and lots of advice. Good luck xx

Hi Bowbie,

Realise this thread is quite old but I just wanted to say a big hello : ) my OH goes off on training (Navy) in May, so I'm finally in the year where it happens now, and it's all a bit scary. I realised looking at your post that I'm a selfish beeatch; although I am worried about his safety when he starts (although safer than the Army I imagine) I'm mainly feeling sorry for myself! Bit worried about filling my time in the evenings and weekends (and hate to admit that too!)
I haven't been a regular poster on here, but the ladies and lads have been lovely in welcoming me, so I'm sure you'll get loads of support when he does deploy! xxx

I am always available to help you lasses out of feeling sorry for yourselves.....so long as you aren't a fat hefalump with a facial and muff beard.