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Discuss Newbie.... and down :(:( in Partners - Wives, Girlfriends, Boyfriends, Husbands on Rear Party; Hi girls, Don't know what to do here husband is in the RAF and we've just been posted to Aldergrove NI, been here for a month now. I managed to get a part time job ...
  
  1. #1
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    Newbie.... and down :(:(

    Hi girls,

    Don't know what to do here husband is in the RAF and we've just been posted to Aldergrove NI, been here for a month now. I managed to get a part time job within a week (yay ) then found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago ... all is good right?!?! No, I absolutely HATE it here. All the wives around our housing estate are all much older than me and I smile at my neighbors and say good morning and what do i get?! Filthy looks!! I understand you get rude people wherever you live but it just seems on a completely different level here!! not just the wives but the locals as well, like when I go shopping or whatever!!

    To sum it up I have absolutely no friends here and my husband works ten days on (8 til 5) and 4 days off and because I'm only part time our hours clash and I'm often just sitting in the house alone! Just pining for my friends and family and my hometown I don't know whether to just move back for a bit :S we're only here for a min of 2 years which I realise is not a lot but I just don't know if I can stand it anymore!!!

    So sorry for the rant girls, any advice is welcome

  2. #2
    Senior Member WhiteRose's Avatar
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    Hi there Lauren and welcome to RP.

    I don't live on a patch, but I understand how lonely you can feel - my hubby's away a lot and sometimes feel like I'm the only person in the world who understands.

    However, that's where RP comes in! I'm sure one of the others had the same experience, don't worry.

    And congrats on your pregnancy! There's a few of us here expecting

    Not allowed any beer at the moment so a strong cup or tea would be lovely!
    "Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws."

  3. #3
    Senior Member Welsh66's Avatar
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    Hi welcome to RP, sorry to hear you are not enjoying aldergrove - I have been there twice and had a fab time (hubby RAF)! Keep smiling at the neighbours and keep saying hello! How do you get on with your work colleagues - can you socialise with them? Hope the pregnancy is going well, can hubby not introduce you to his colleagues and their spouses - there must be a social get together sometime?

    I seemed to have asked more questions than given advice, it does often take about 6 months to settle anywhere so give it a little longer.

  4. #4
    Senior Member spanner's Avatar
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    Hi lauren, weclome and mines a tea today

    Sorry to hear your not settling in, I had a similar experience myself, when I took a promotion at work and moved 80 miles away where I didn't know anyone. It was really difficult, and I ended up being really quite down and throwing myself into work as it was the only place I had contact with people. I wouldn't recommend that approach. How are your work mates? I found it hard to become friendly with mine, as I was the boss, however one of the girls did used to invite me round to hers for bbqs, etc. she was at RAF Marham she knew what it was like to be away from home friends and family. ( This was before my Mr S days, but ironically he was at Marham the same time i was in that area, we just didn't know each other!)
    I ended up coming back home, as I got a transfer closer to home.

    4 years later Mr S gets posted to cornwall and asks me to go, I was very worried as what happened before when I moved away. however I did know that I had at least 1 person there who I knew, and he would hopefully be able to introduce me to some people.

    How has your hubby settled in, is there anyone he has become friendly with, who might have a significant other you can meet for coffee etc? Its not always that you will get one with people.

    Mr S encouraged me to go to anything I had an invite too, whether I wanted to or not, I went to countless bodyshop, partylite, ann summers parties to get to know people, I don't have a massive group of friends, but have got 2 girls who are now close to here and as we joke are semi detached from, despite meeting through our partners, we would still see each other with out them!

    I don't live on patch, but not sure if there are things you can go and do, volunteer prehaps, as your pregnant, might be idea to see if a mother and baby group? or have you any hobbies or interests you do or would like to do.
    I learnt that sometimes you need to go out and look for things, sitting at home in my flat would not bring people to me.

    well I will stop waffling, hope that gives you some ideas, and remember always someone on here if you need it.

  5. #5
    Moderator Gonzo's Avatar
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    Bless you, it can be very hard but you will find that people will open up to you eventually.

    Whilst your at the bar (I know yours is a virgin cocktail) mine is a Brandy Sour please.

  6. #6
    Moderator Heli's Avatar
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    Hi Lauren

    I live on a patch and I'm really sorry to hear that no one has bothered to knock on your door. I hope that you won't feel so alone now you've found RP. I'll have a cuppa as I am still suffering from the weekend! x

  7. #7
    Senior Member dizzy.chick's Avatar
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    Hi Lauren and welcome to RP, congrats on the pregnancy.

    I'm not married to the oh so don't live on patch but after uni I moved back home to find all my friends had moved away. I have found RP to be really welcoming and it is nice to know there is always someone on here to have a natter with.

    Have you tried net mums (there is a section on there about coffee mornings with local expecting mums) or there is something called the IVC which is like a social club type thing might be worth seeing if there is one around near you?
    All the cool kids have a signature but I have nothing witty or profound to say.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Mrs_M's Avatar
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    Hi Lauren, welcome!
    This is my first time living on a patch and I was terrified at first and the first couple of months I did struggle not really knowing anyone. Then I started "pushing" myself out there, joining things and knocking on neighbours doors to say hello. Its really hard work but nearly a year on I've got a lovely group of friends.
    Its easier when you've got children joining mother and baby groups, and you'll meet people if you go to ante-natal classes.
    Perhaps ask your husband to invite a couple of his married workmates round 1 night for drinks or dinner or something?
    I would give it a bit longer, a month is a short period of time.
    Good Luck!

  9. #9
    Senior Member lawlady's Avatar
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    Hello Lauren. Welcome to RP. Sorry to hear that you're having a tough time. You'll be glas you found us though
    Mines a large white wine please.
    Oh and huge congrats on the baby xx
    Rank: Biddy 1st Class

    When the going gets tough - drink wine!!

  10. #10
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    Hi Lauren

    Hope you have found your feet by now here in Aldergrove. It is awkward making friends without kids as you tend to get to know people without trying once they start school. There is a bumps and babes group next to the thrift shop near the naffi - i think on a wednesday morning and this would be a good start. Remember every post will be different, some good, some bad, but it really is what you make of it. I have been here for two years and to be honest really enjoyed it. Although i do drive and i appreciate this can make a difference. I have found people here very friendly, maybe I have just been fortunate, but i do know how you feel.
    I lived in Germany and an area where everyone was really a bit miserable, so i decided to say hello and smile at everyone having moved from a friendly place in Wales. Well no one smiled back and instead thought i was mad. One day i'd had enough and decided i'd give up, i walked up an alley and said to my self who ever walks down i will not smile or say hello to, i was totally fed up with trying, and guess what, a woman walked down and said hello and smiled and i was left looking like the one who was miserable and fed up. i turned out to make friends with this lady and we made a pact to smile and say hello to everyone and when we left 2 years later it was a really nice place where everyone said hello to everyone. The friend also said she always asked people the time as a conversation starter. I guess the message is never let a posting get you down, if its not great remember the next one is always better, try to find something that makes you happy, start your own group like a book club or antenatal group, you will probably find out there are loads of people feeling just like you. Send me a message anytime for a chat & cup of tea I am here until July.

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