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Discuss Awkward phone call :-| in Partners - Wives, Girlfriends, Boyfriends, Husbands on Rear Party; Just had an extremely awkward phone call with my OH from the sandpit, I coulnd't discuss something he wanted to talk about because I was at work. I like to keep my private life private ...
  
  1. #1
    Junior Member blue_arsed_fly's Avatar
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    Awkward phone call :-|

    Just had an extremely awkward phone call with my OH from the sandpit, I coulnd't discuss something he wanted to talk about because I was at work. I like to keep my private life private and don't like the fact he often rings when I'm at work anyway, so I got a bit arsey with him. Oh dear! Think I might have been a bit on the insensitive side, I seem to be telling him to MTFU rather than the other way around. Have fired off a nice ebluey with lots of kisses on, I hope he understands that I'm not being 'off', but I have to work too!

    Sometimes though, I just want to shout 'Your being a c0ck!!' down the phone. Not whilst at work obviously...

  2. #2
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    Does he get a choice over when he can call you? If not it seems a bit off to be arsey with him. Can you not go off somewhere private or outside?

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    Senior Member Josephine's Avatar
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    I agree with Kazzam, if it's the only time he can call in the day, then it seems a bit off that you treat him like that.
    Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?

  4. #4
    Senior Member WhiteRose's Avatar
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    Hmm, a bit of give and take sounds like it's needed.

    I understand the time zones play havoc, but you both have to be as flexible as possible. Tell your OH in a letter how awkward you feel taking a call a work, and ask whether he can call at a diffent time, but remember he can't just down tools to make a call. But I think you need to be flexible too and a bit more understanding.

    I know it's difficult when they're away, but you have to be tolerant.
    "Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws."

  5. #5
    Senior Member dizzyblonde's Avatar
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    I think most of us would drop anything when that no. flashes up!! It depends on your job as i guess some jobs are easier than others to dive out for a call, but unless you are in a job where that is just not possible then I think need to have a re-think to how you talk to your chappy while he's out there. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I think you need to be alot more understanding! But if it's a case of your job just doesn't accommodate spur of the moment calls, then don't get arsey with your fella, just explain your situation.
    blimey bet that was a real morale booster for him :-/

  6. #6
    Senior Member EnigmaRole's Avatar
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    When I got a phone call when my OH was out there for the limited time he could call, I would drop everything...many a time I left shopping on the conveyor belt or the tea burning in the oven.

    Does he call you on your mobile or the phones at work?, I understand the privacy bit- I am the same too to a certain extent.

    All you can do is apologise (like you say you have done in the ebluey) and maybe explain that although its obviously important to him that personal stuff might be better left until a time you're at home.

    But I was well aware that when my OH was out there that even though the calls meant the world to me, they mean't even more to him. So any awkward calls and I would bite my tongue and rant on at someone else once the phone was put down!

    Its not an easy time for either of you, just have a talk with him and explain your side of it and remember that while they're away the balance tends to shift slightly, I found my OH to be more needy than me- I already had my home comforts and friends on the end of the phone as and when I required it, and of course the lovely people here.

    Plus, I think you'll find people are alot less interested in our conversations than we tend to think! I know when I got calls and people were present, they understood the importance of the calls and made themselves scarce or occupied themselves until I'd done.

    Hope you're not feeling too bad!. Just kiss arrse for a bit whenever you can!!

  7. #7
    Senior Member Mrs_M's Avatar
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    I know how you feel about the privacy thing- my hubby used to call me at work cos it was via the military net so saved his minutes for calling later in the day and speaking to his daughter, or for phoning his mum. I couldn't really talk much cos of other people around but then we just exchanged soppy e-mails. I was just glad that he called me at all

  8. #8
    Senior Member RM_WAG_78's Avatar
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    I have left restaurants and walked out of meetings to talk to my OH when the phone calls come... (I've even had him on skype typing away while kids in my office got on with their work...I'm such a bad teacher at times!)...
    Although I know that those few minutes are the highlight of my day - I know they mean more to him....and we are getting quite used to talking in code as there is nearly always someone around on his end of the line!!
    I can stop counting from today as we finally get to be together!!

  9. #9
    Senior Member Josephine's Avatar
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    I remb in my Navy days, when deployed, I would call my parents at stupid hours. Mainly because the female mess's phone rota was every 4 or 5 days to use the phone and if you weren't literally there the minute the rota was put up, you had to take the 'silly o'clock' times. I've called my mum at work, at 11pm at 9am. Even called my dad on his mobile during a meeting (which i knew he had) because t was the only time I could call for 7 days. If mum hadn't heard anything for a few days, she would start to worry and they understood that the 15 min call once a week was important to me and to mum.

    What I am trying to say is that whilst a family member/OH is deployed, those few moments they get are precious to them. If you can't talk 'privately' aboout relationship things, then just talk like he's a best bud calling. It means the world to him, just to hear your voice
    Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?

  10. #10
    Junior Member blue_arsed_fly's Avatar
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    I've been really flexible as regards to taking his calls and going somewhere private when I'm at work, this is the first time and he's been deployed for 5 months. Unfortunately it's not always possible for me to talk at work, we've been lucky so far. I did apologise for being arsey with him, there was no need for it, I could have been more diplomatic. No one knows how to press my buttons like he does though! Sometimes I think he expects the whole world to revolve around him, which I get while he's on tour, however life goes on back home. Am I being an unreasonable witch? I just don't know...

  11. #11
    Senior Member Josephine's Avatar
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    what you have to understand is that you're his support network and yes it's not nice to have your buttons pushed but people handle things in different ways. He could be having an arse of a day and unfortunately the 'other half' is usually a venting key. I would ask him if he could book in a call for after work hours, best all round or explain to him that there is only so much you can discuss on a phone at work x
    Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?

  12. #12
    Junior Member blue_arsed_fly's Avatar
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    Thanks Josephine, I'll talk to him, at least it's not too long until he's home

  13. #13
    Moderator bodger's Avatar
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    Ah, don't beat yourself up about it. We all have off days and they don't stop when the OH is deployed!

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    Senior Member Josephine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bodger View Post
    Ah, don't beat yourself up about it. We all have off days and they don't stop when the OH is deployed!
    Unfortunately, that memo didn't get to my cousin today. She got a call from her OH, who's currently deployed and she's 4 months pregnant. He thought it was funny to ask her if 'she has a fat tummy yet?'...............his answer was her putting the phone down on him
    Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?

  15. #15
    Moderator bodger's Avatar
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    Hmm, a bit similar to when Mr B called the hospital whilst I was in full blown labour, insisted I was dragged off to the phone (being held up by two midwives), began chit chatting utter balls then said 'what's wrong with you? You sound a bit snippy'. He got the dialing tone too. And funnily enough I still don't feel guilty about it!

  16. #16
    Senior Member bootifull's Avatar
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    we've all had shitty calls, Mr Boots phoned when he had volunteered for a tour and I was proper pished orf about it the only word I could bring myself in reply to his cheery hiya was "cunt".
    Mimi: "I'm a fat f*ck. I'm a f*cking fat f*cker".

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    Unfortunately the whole world DOES revolve around them when they are on tour, I plan my whole weekends around trying not to be out at the times I think he may call and making sure I am online at the times when he might be too! I remember one tour when the only time he could call me was at 3am my time, and yep he did it every single time, and I could never get back to sleep afterwards! in the end I just accepted that twice a week i wouldn't get any sleep! x

  18. #18
    Moderator bodger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sandramc View Post
    Unfortunately the whole world DOES revolve around them when they are on tour,
    I honestly can't believe I read that!

    OK, so I think about himself a lot when he's away, do nice things for him, try to be in when he calls etc, etc. But there is NO WAY that mine and our children's lives revolve totally around him. Just the same as when I'm away their lives don't revolve around me. Mr B would be a bit disappointed if I spent 6 (or however many) months hanging around for phone calls!

  19. #19
    Junior Member blue_arsed_fly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sandramc View Post
    Unfortunately the whole world DOES revolve around them when they are on tour, I plan my whole weekends around trying not to be out at the times I think he may call and making sure I am online at the times when he might be too! I remember one tour when the only time he could call me was at 3am my time, and yep he did it every single time, and I could never get back to sleep afterwards! in the end I just accepted that twice a week i wouldn't get any sleep! x
    Sorry, but I'm not a 'surrendered wife' and this isn't the 1950s! My family, friends and career are important parts of my life too, and whilst my OH means the world to me I'm sure as hell not sitting by the phone for 6 months. I love it when he does call and I can talk, I would hope he's not so self-absorbed as to expect me to curtail my social life 'just in case' he rings and we get to have a brief conversation.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Mrs_M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sandramc View Post
    Unfortunately the whole world DOES revolve around them when they are on tour, I plan my whole weekends around trying not to be out at the times I think he may call and making sure I am online at the times when he might be too! I remember one tour when the only time he could call me was at 3am my time, and yep he did it every single time, and I could never get back to sleep afterwards! in the end I just accepted that twice a week i wouldn't get any sleep! x
    I really don't agree with this. we had alot of shit going on whilst my hubby was away that I had to deal with by myself but I certainly didn't sit around the house all day waiting for him to call. I never knew what time he was going to phone so if I missed it I missed it. Not to say that I wasn't gutted I'd missed his calls but I needed a routine and I needed to get the kids out of the house.

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