Advertising

Welcome to Rear Party

The friendly sister of the Army Rumour Service for forces friends and families.

Register now (free) to join in, remove this information/advert and see less advertising

Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 87
Discuss A bit of perspective please, ladies (and gents!) in Partners - Wives, Girlfriends, Boyfriends, Husbands on Rear Party; Right, OH is off building sandcastles later this year and despite my best efforts in giving myself a stern talking to (countdown is the worst thing, many more come back safe than not) I'm so ...
  
  1. #1
    Senior Member Joey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    About 3 countries along from where I want to be...
    Posts
    665

    A bit of perspective please, ladies (and gents!)

    Right, OH is off building sandcastles later this year and despite my best efforts in giving myself a stern talking to (countdown is the worst thing, many more come back safe than not) I'm so worried that it's colouring our time together before he goes.

    Can you please set me straight? It's easy to imagine that for 6 months he's going to be in contact after contact when common sense tells me that that can't be the case... my imagination is running away with me and I need a bit of help to keep it in check.

    Any ideas?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Mrs_M's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Cloud cuckoo land!
    Posts
    1,697
    It all depends on what job he does to be honest. I knew that when my husband went he was reasonably safe working in a little office in the middle of the camp. I knew he travelled around there occasionally to visit some of his soldiers but he didn't tell me when he was going so that I didn't worry.

    Its difficult not to worry when they're there but try not to dwell on it too much. If it makes you feel better ask him not to tell you anything about what he's doing whilst he's there. Mr M could tell me as much as he liked once he was back but I didn't want to know whilst he was there. He talked to his dad about stuff like that if he needed to.

  3. #3
    Senior Member lawlady's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    3,713
    You're right in thinking that the coundown is the worst bit!! Not knowing exactly what your OH does it's hard to say what he'll be doing out there. However, he's part of the British Army so therefore has been trained to be one of the best. Have faith in him to do what he's been trained for.
    Set yourself goals or treats every month he's away. And don't watch the bloody news!!!
    Rank: Biddy 1st Class

    When the going gets tough - drink wine!!

  4. #4
    Senior Member Joey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    About 3 countries along from where I want to be...
    Posts
    665
    He's a CSM and will be out and about visiting his guys and girls a lot, so that's not easy to come to terms with.

    lawlady... funny, isn't it? When Mr. Joey is on tour I watch the news religiously as I reassure (try to) myself with the fact that no news is good news!

  5. #5
    Senior Member lawlady's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    3,713
    He has experience behind him. I don't practice what I preach cos I watch the news all the time too!! Maybe him not telling you when he's out may help. Mr Laws is into his 8th month now. He always tells me when he's back safe .... but "forgets" to tell me he's out in the first place!! It works
    Rank: Biddy 1st Class

    When the going gets tough - drink wine!!

  6. #6
    Senior Member becsj's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    428
    Hi Joey,

    I feel for you, and like a lot of the others on here, know exactly how you feel. I know you can't imagine that it's true but the countdown is much worse than doing it. When he goes out you'll be counting down to having him back instead of counting down to him leaving, and that is the massive difference.

    My OH is out on the ground loads in his job, and different people are different. I actually don't mind knowing some of the details because it stops my imagination going rife. But only you will know how much you can listen to - I soon knew when OH was telling me too much!

    Keep on here with us and sound off when you need to, but before you know it, you'll be like me, only a little bit to go and actually a little bit proud with how well you've coped

    xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  7. #7
    Senior Member hammyswife's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Devon, United Kingdom
    Posts
    293
    Images
    1
    Well the main things I got used to was 1. if there was a notification of a soldiers death on the news then the phone lines are usually shut off for a few days so you won't hear anything (which can be awful not knowing what is going on) and although its awful to say this but they won't declare a soldiers death on the news until the next of kin and family are told so at least you know thankfully its not your partner that has sadly lost their life if you haven't heard anything from anyone mod wise (i really hope I don't offend anyone saying this but its how I coped).
    2. I actually preffered knowing that my OH was going on patrol, the first time he went out on a foot patrol and only told me 7 days later when he got back I went mental, I just needed to know even though it was awful knowing he was out there.
    The phones can go off all the time even without someone dying, it can also happen if there has been lots on injurys or an attack on a base by the Taliban etc.
    Trust me, once he's out there you'll find some coping mechanism that will get you through it, just look forward to the 3/4 am calls in the middle of the night telling you he's safe back from a patrol if hes anything like mine! lol

  8. #8
    Senior Member spanner's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    1,325
    What HW said.

    Even though I worry about everything, I managed to be quite rational with Mr S going away, (easier for me because of his role I guess) and at times when people would give me 'the look' when I said where he was, I played the act of not being over concerned, I mean I was quite lucky, always someone worse off.
    I only lost it once when I heard a story on the radio, something which I hadn't thought about.

    Here though kept me sane, especially chat.

  9. #9
    Senior Member EnigmaRole's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Yorkshire
    Posts
    917
    Hiya Joey,
    The others have pretty much covered it I think. Its the before they go part that's the hardest, its a strain emotionally and mentally...not wanting to kick off at them for leaving soggy towels on the bed or arguing about petty stuff.

    Once he was actually out there I coped better than I thought I would. I am with HammysWife in as much as I liked to know everything he was doing, so I could prepare myself for not getting any phone calls etc.

    The first couple of months flew by, R&R was way too early and made the 'last push' seem longer as he had more than 4 months left to do.

    You'll find the days are ridiculously slow- but the weeks fly by...if that even makes sense.

    This place kept me sane and chat was a blessing.

    Like Becs said, you'll find yourself secretly proud of what you've managed to get through and amazingly proud of your man.

    My PM box is always open

  10. #10
    Member lisas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    84
    Images
    6
    I know exactly how you feel, hubby is going out next month and it's my first time dealing with it. He'll be "safe" in camp but it won't stop me worrying. I have not been coping well but attending family day at the weekend helped and we have just found out he'll only be going for 3 months now and not the full 6 . This countdown is definitely the worse - once he's gone I can start the countdown to homecoming.
    Is it wine time yet?

  11. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    South of England
    Posts
    246
    thank you for all the wise words and comments, I am the same, July for me, and once again, you ladies have covered everything and slightly put my mind at rest (for a short time anyway) I do think that the countdown is getting to me, but I am a bit more relaxed now, and just going to enjoy all the time we have together before he deploys for 7mths.....

    I think what Becsj said about ' how proud you will be that you have coped' is so true, that will be the most amazing feeling, and will strengthen any relationship, plus, what is 7mths out of your lives if you are supposed to be together for ever..???!!!

  12. #12
    Moderator Gonzo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    With the lean green fighting machine
    Posts
    5,335
    Images
    1
    Joey,

    My old man is due to go away shortly too. If you need anyone to whinge or worry to you know where I am. You will get through it, promise!


    Me xx

  13. #13
    Senior Member RM_WAG_78's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    I'm a Grockle down south!
    Posts
    1,260
    I was awful just before my OH went the day of him leaving and while he wsa in transit I was a wreck.
    This place got me through!!
    Now I am counting down!! It is hard to not keep thinking how little time you have left - but the time, once they have gone, does go quick. Days can go slowly, but weeks and months seem to fly by!!
    You will appreciate even a few minutes of a phone call and letters etc. What I have found has helped is that I send an e greeting card every day and I get a read report. That way I know he's ok and can access them even if he has no time to reply (I have explained how easy it would be to hit reply but he's old fashioned like that and preferrs to talk instead later that same day!)
    You need oodles of patience...but then I'm guessing you have that anwyay if you have got yourself involved with a man in uniform!!!
    We are all here with open ears- some will be going through exactly what you are going through for the first time, others are old hands at it. All in all - you will be fine now that you have found 'us'!
    Don't count until he gets on that plane!! xxx
    I can stop counting from today as we finally get to be together!!

  14. #14
    Senior Member dizzy.chick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Surrey
    Posts
    2,062
    Quote Originally Posted by angharad78 View Post
    You need oodles of patience...but then I'm guessing you have that anwyay if you have got yourself involved with a man in uniform!!!
    Oooops I have made a mistake then! I am the most impatient person I know!!

  15. #15
    Senior Member RM_WAG_78's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    I'm a Grockle down south!
    Posts
    1,260
    Oh I am impatient as well dizzy..I spen all my patience with kids in work...and then want everything else now!! I'm learning though!
    I can stop counting from today as we finally get to be together!!

  16. #16
    Senior Member dizzy.chick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Surrey
    Posts
    2,062
    Angharad- please tell me how to learn this artform! Mr D is very patient, I am not. Which is why when we play operation it is always me who ends up stabing the board with the tweesers

    Joey, wish I could help but I haven't actually been in the countdown position- having met Mr D on RnR. So instead of useful advice I will send virtual cuddles and cookies.

  17. #17
    Senior Member hammyswife's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Devon, United Kingdom
    Posts
    293
    Images
    1
    My OH was orginally part of 3 commando (chivenor) the last time they went out in 2008 (i think it was Herrick 9) I'm literally 2 mins from the base and although my OH is now on a big grey ship, if any of you ladies want to talk feel free to pm etc as I know they are going on tour in the very near future again... I live only around the corner and know exactly what you are going through so please feel free to pm or add me on facebook xxx

  18. #18
    Senior Member RM_WAG_78's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    I'm a Grockle down south!
    Posts
    1,260
    Hammy - have PM'd you - my RM OH not on a ship but is in the middle of nowhere! x
    I can stop counting from today as we finally get to be together!!

  19. #19
    Moderator Gonzo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    With the lean green fighting machine
    Posts
    5,335
    Images
    1
    DC I was born into the armed forces and I still have no patience and want everything to happen NOW .. I will learn. when the hubby has retired probably!

  20. #20
    Senior Member Joey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    About 3 countries along from where I want to be...
    Posts
    665
    Thank you all for replying... as always.

    This is his 5th tour approaching since I've known him (although not since we've been together) so I know the drill. But this is the first time since we've been in an established relationship that he's been away so it puts a different spin on it.

    It's horrible... fate has finally brought us together (we were together years and years ago but only for a short time) and I can't shake the feeling that he's been 'lucky' four times before and sods law dictates that this time... We're talking about getting married when he gets back this time which just adds to that feeling. I'm can be superstious (sp?) and know I won't want to get into the swing of planning things 'just in case' which I know is absolutely ridiculous.

    Experience tells me that the countdown is the worst thing, but knowing he's going away makes it hard not to wonder what will have happened 'this time next year'...

    I think one of the hard things is I've known he's been going away for 6 months and he's not going away for another good few months. Am I absolutely horrible for (sometimes) thinking I wish he was there already so I could start ticking down the days and getting rid of this big black cloud that seems to have been hanging over me for half a year?

    Thanks again, all. xx

Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Ladies
    By spiderhater in forum Partners - Wives, Girlfriends, Boyfriends, Husbands
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 01-09-2010, 10:34
  2. Ladies Day
    By dizzybird in forum Sports
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 21-06-2007, 15:42
  3. Hello ladies!!
    By Smurfette in forum Welcome
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 26-07-2006, 22:19

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •