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Discuss The countdown begins! in Partners - Wives, Girlfriends, Boyfriends, Husbands on Rear Party; Hi everybody Haven't posted on here since OH was called up for the sandy place in October (he's RMR). Anyhoo, we got engaged the day before his call up started and got married a week ...
  
  1. #1
    Member lisas's Avatar
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    Red face The countdown begins!

    Hi everybody

    Haven't posted on here since OH was called up for the sandy place in October (he's RMR). Anyhoo, we got engaged the day before his call up started and got married a week ago today! Not the wedding I'd dreamed of but we really wanted to be married before he leaves. We now have 2 months until he goes and I'm dreading it already. We'll get some time together away beforehand but I really don't know how I'm going to cope with the 6 months he's away. Obviously I will but I am so dreading it. At 48 he's going to be the oldest RMR out there and although not frontline I will worry every day.

    Anway, thanks for reading. I visit every day but am usually just a voyeur

  2. #2
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    Hi Lisa

    you've had a very busy few months haven't you? congrats on wedding x

    Take every day as it comes, I counted weeks hes been gone until R&R and then have been counting down since then. R&R happened at 16wks, and then after that I had only 8wks to count down... 6 and a bit weeks to go now.

    In the weeks leading up to going though time went very fast although OH said that I should realise that it just bring the end of tour round quicker too.

    Try and join any weekly events - I joined the wags choir up here for a bit of fun and time has gone quicker!
    good luck
    K x

  3. #3
    Senior Member EnigmaRole's Avatar
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    Hello
    The truth is you won't know how you're going to cope until the time comes, even then you will be up and down like a yo-yo. I think its common to find the countdown harder than having to actually cope once the time comes.

    I got to the point nearer the time when I was actually getting where I WANTED the time to just come and get it over and done with.

    Worrying for me was part and parcel of it and was what kept me going in some bizarre way.

    You will be fine and just know whatever phase you go through, its all 'normal'.

    Its a pleasure for me to say if you need to talk I am here (as are all the other wonderful people on here) feel free to PM me, I am more than happy to try and give back some of the support I've received myself on here.

    Don't be a voyeur too long...jump in and join the madness XXX

    You will have days where you miss him like you wouldn't believe, then days where you've had a really good day and haven't worried as much as usual.

    I kept myself busy and unfortunately only found this place with only a couple of months of his tour left, but this place was a God send.

  4. #4
    Member lisas's Avatar
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    Thanks for the replies. I know it's important to keep busy but getting out and about alot (aside from going to work) will always be a problem for me as I have two dogs that I can't leave for too long as it's just not fair on them.

    I am most definitely wishing this year away quickly which at my age isn't a good idea lol! x

  5. #5
    Moderator Heli's Avatar
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    Hi Lisa

    Your wedding photograph is gorgeous. Congratulations!

    Please take it from an old hand at deployment that what you are going through now is for many of us the hardest part. I always end up wishing the time until he leaves away, so that he can hurry up and come back! but for me, I have learned a lot about myself coping on my own and without wanting to sound too obnoxious - been proud of myself.

    I'm an older wife who works full time. We have two dogs and two kids at Uni so they are not around much. I find that routine is the key. When Mr. H is away as soon as I get home from work I turn on a dictaphone and whilst I am feeding the animals, and myself, ramble into it about what has happened during the day. It feels like I have 'downloaded' just as we would if he were home. The tape then goes into a shoebox to which I add bits and pieces - the usual: socks/wet wipes/ photographs - and is posted on Friday. My husband loves the tapes as he can hear all the sounds of home -pity I am droning on as well!

    I would like to say something profound about the worry but for me it never goes away. There is a short relief when he calls and then it's back to the worrying!

    I really know what you mean about the dogs and in my case the idea of trudging back out at night to socialise doesn't appeal when I am usually flattened after work, so I take up hobbies. During deployments I have learned to knit (really badly), got heavily into my family history, and learned to play the piano (even worse than my knitting). It makes me feel as though I have done something useful with the time.

    I hope that you will spend some time with us on RP too. It really does help to be surrounded by other people who really do understand what you are going through.

    xx

  6. #6
    Senior Member Kayleigh's Avatar
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    Hi Lisa,

    Congrats on your wedding, the photo you have uploaded is lovely!

    I know exactly how it feels to be on countdown, my husband left yesterday morning to get down south rteady to leave Monday for 7 and a half months. This will be his first tour, so I am new to this whole being away thing. I am already on countdown til July and he hasn't already (technically) left yet!

    I can't really give much advice as I haven't been there yet myself, but the only advice I can give is listen to these loverly ladies (and gents) on here as they have been through it and know what they're talking about!

    Good luck, and I will be right there with ya!

  7. #7
    Member lisas's Avatar
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    Thanks Heli, I am so glad I found this site because everyone here understands what it's like. Roll on September is all I can say .
    Lisa xx

  8. #8
    Member lisas's Avatar
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    Hi Kaleigh,

    I see you're married to a marine too! On the plus side for me, this should be the one and only deployment I've got to worry about. I don't know how everyone here copies with their loved ones being away every couple of years.

    I guess you're feeling pretty bad today. Good luck and keep in touch.
    Lisa x

  9. #9
    Senior Member RM_WAG_78's Avatar
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    Hello all.
    That is a lovely story - very happy for you!
    My other half leaves for the dessert on Thursday of this week and I'm at the stage now I want him to go as he can then come back. To me communication in some ways will be easier on deployment as he has Skype etc and far better internet connection than at camp! We said out goobyes last week (I currently work abroad as well but that will change next year thankfully) and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I thought I would be ok - but clearly I wasn't!! This is my first tour, but he has had many! I have to literally stop myself from bursting into tears as I can't just pop on a plane to visit now or text when I want (his email box is going to be so full!).
    My work will keep me busy most days I know - but the weekends and the evenings...that I am worried about. I can't wait to hear about R&R dates!
    All of you keep positive! x

  10. #10
    Member lisas's Avatar
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    Everyone is saying this is the hardest part - the lead up to deployment - and I am beginning to believe you! I just feel there is a big black cloud on the horizon that I can't stop moving towards me. I am looking forward to our two weeks together before he goes so we have a bit of a honeymoon but I am also dreading it because it means he will be gone in such a short time. I know I will ruin some of our time together by crying - blimey I'm already crying everytime I think about it. Definitely gonna have to practice the old stiff upper lip x

  11. #11
    Senior Member RM_WAG_78's Avatar
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    Stiff upper lip is easier said than done. I got back to Poland on Thursday night after a very emotional goodbye at Lympstone - really didn't want to be back here and fell on the black ice on the way to work on Friday morning. That set me off!
    I only have him until Thursday morning now in regular contact before he heads up to Brize to head to the sand (at least it's the quieter sandpit). It's hard to not pack as much things as you can into the short space of time - we keep telling eachother 4 months (max 6) is nothing in the grand scheme of things when you have the rest of your life to enjoy together!! Lisa - where's your OH being deployed to? x

  12. #12
    Senior Member Welsh66's Avatar
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    It is the worse time, the waiting for them to deploy. I hate it, he hates it, mentally he has already left and I just want to start the countdown to RnR! Try to be as positive as you can - I try smiling which can be scary! No matter how many times you go through it is still an awful time... only to be coupled with the week before he comes home! (Mind you defuzzing, hairdresser visits can break up the time ).

  13. #13
    Senior Member EnigmaRole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lisas View Post
    Everyone is saying this is the hardest part - the lead up to deployment - and I am beginning to believe you!
    Seriously, its the truth.

    You won't ruin your time together by crying, Pants said although it was awful to see me upset, even though he acted all macho and together it made him feel there was something worth coming back to. In fact ANYTHING I did made him feel that way, nearer the date he left we had stupid foolish rows and little things he did got right on my t*ts but he knew that was me being defensive and mentally preparing myself for him not being here.

    Nothing made sense at the time but makes perfect sense now!

    Anything that seems irrational- air it here, someone here, I guarantee will have felt it.

  14. #14
    Member lisas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by angharad78 View Post
    It's hard to not pack as much things as you can into the short space of time - we keep telling eachother 4 months (max 6) is nothing in the grand scheme of things when you have the rest of your life to enjoy together!! Lisa - where's your OH being deployed to? x
    He's going to Afghan. He's the oldest RMR going out! He's got a pretty safe job out there so I really shouldn't have to worry about the worst but let's face it we all worry regardless. 6 months if nothing in the grand scheme of things I guess but still it's half a year out of our time together and nobody knows how much time we have so I think we have to grab every minute we can. x

  15. #15
    Senior Member RM_WAG_78's Avatar
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    My OH was the same - said he prefers in a way to see me upset - that I shouldn't hide itto cry if I need to - he doesn't like seeing me sad , but at least he can see I care and that there is something to come back for. He has 3 kids so also don't want to be another burden on him - he has enough on his plate to reassure them let alone a 32yr old!! x

  16. #16
    Senior Member lawlady's Avatar
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    Hello Lisa and welcome. Am 7 months onto a 12 monther with the silly old sod (OK my soulmate too) I'm married to. The ladies here have spoken with authority. I hate the last few days before he first goes away and wish him gone!! Then the routine begins for both of us and the countdown begins.
    Whether he is doing a "safe" job or not you have the right to worry about him. We'll be here for your good or bad days. I'm finally feeling better and almost rid of this bloody flu so I think I'll have a small white wine
    Rank: Biddy 1st Class

    When the going gets tough - drink wine!!

  17. #17
    Senior Member Kayleigh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lisas View Post
    Hi Kaleigh,

    I see you're married to a marine too! On the plus side for me, this should be the one and only deployment I've got to worry about. I don't know how everyone here copies with their loved ones being away every couple of years.

    I guess you're feeling pretty bad today. Good luck and keep in touch.
    Lisa x
    Hey, yeah - married to a marine I am

    Yeah, since I waved him off at the station (he had to go down south a few days before getting on ship) I was wondering round like a weirdo! I was walking round boots at one point and I looked down and I had all these random items in my hand and I was like eh?! I don't need this! Ha. Quite funny now, but since he's gone I feel different. Hasnt quite sunk in yet I don't think! Im sure I'll have my bad days, but I shall deal with them when they come. I was devastated the night before he left and that morning he left, but I haven't cried yet. He called me a heartless bitch ha. Just my way of dealing with it though, the floodgates will open one day and I can imagine it will knock me for 10 when they do!

    Keep your chin up, you'll be absolutely fine x

  18. #18
    Senior Member becsj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lisas View Post
    I know I will ruin some of our time together by crying - blimey I'm already crying everytime I think about it. Definitely gonna have to practice the old stiff upper lip x
    Hiya - I'm 4 months into a 6 monther and I cried more in the week or so leading up to tour than I have done put together since he's gone. I've never been good with anticipation anyway but I think it's just the inevitability of it. Once they've gone your not waiting for them to go any more, you're waiting for them to come back )

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