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Discuss Not living in married quarters? in Partners - Wives, Girlfriends, Boyfriends, Husbands on Rear Party; Hi all, Am newish to this site but have found it absolutely brilliant to meet and hear other forces wives. Just a bit of a moan really, I myself do not live in married quarters, ...
  
  1. #1
    Senior Member hammyswife's Avatar
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    Not living in married quarters?

    Hi all,

    Am newish to this site but have found it absolutely brilliant to meet and hear other forces wives. Just a bit of a moan really, I myself do not live in married quarters, my OH travels home at weekends and we are settled in N Devon around all my family. I sometimes feel a little left out because i chose not to move there, I am from a close knit family and would have found it difficult to uproot as we don't have any children yet. I would love to know if there are other wives who choose not to live in mq? i'm sure there are loads but i sometimes do feel so isolated as my 'normal' friends don't really understand my situation.

    thanks

  2. #2
    Senior Member WhiteRose's Avatar
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    Re: Not living in married quarters?

    Hello HW and welcome to the mad house!!

    Me and OH live out, so to speak, and I do get VERY annoyed sometimes that the RN seems to think we all live on an estate round the corner from the dockyard. Organising family events on a weeknight, get togethers and discounts to local establishments, that sort of thing.

    And even this year's Christmas ball is on a MONDAY night in the home port. Well, that's half the wives unable to attend for a start!

    My neighbours aren't too bad and always stop for a chat in the street, but none of them really 'get' military spouse life.

    However.... this site is invaluable. You're never alone on here!
    "Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws."

  3. #3
    Senior Member hammyswife's Avatar
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    Re: Not living in married quarters?

    thanks for the reply, so glad to know i'm not the only one! i know what you mean about the RN thinking that everyone lives on quarters. Weekend duties i find can be the hardest, as he stays there all week and then has to do the weekend, its then nearly 2 weeks that I don't get to see him. Boo

    Oh well, i suppose its all part of the job, but at least I can have a good moan here...

    xx

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    Senior Member tixylicks's Avatar
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    Re: Not living in married quarters?

    We too dont live in MQ's, and OH travels home at weekends (about 50 miles which is better than the 200 miles that it used to be). I have missed out on all the coffee mornings and meets whilst my OH has been out on OPs tour, but I make the effort to go any evening do's that OH wants/has to attend.

    Being in this house has given my OH some stability when she gets moved from post to post, and our friends here are a huge support to us both! They do their best to understand what its like to be alone most of the week, but I don't think you really can until its your life.... thats why the guys on this site are brilliant!
    An education is the gift given to those who think they know it all, by those who actually do!


  5. #5
    Senior Member WhiteRose's Avatar
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    Re: Not living in married quarters?

    Quote Originally Posted by hammyswife
    but at least I can have a good moan here...
    Oh yes! And we all do from time to time

    (My OH works with a Hammy!)
    "Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws."

  6. #6
    Senior Member becsj's Avatar
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    Re: Not living in married quarters?

    We're nt married (yet) so obviously don't live on base - don't know whether we will or not, I suppose it depends on his future postings etc as at the mo he can commute at weekends. I'm god friends with one of his (base located) friend's wife, and she keeps me up to date with any dependants lunches etc. I suppose she shouldn't have to, but it works for me.

    I suppose you have to weigh up what is important. To be honest, at the mo while OH is on tour, I'm glad to have my solid friendship base around me and be nearish my family. It's also nice to not have it in my face all the time when I don't have to. Also, this place has filled the void there might have been quite pleasantly thank you very much.

    I suppose it's all about what is important, convenient and what works for you - this is obv different from anyone else too. I'm happy as I am, but can see the advantages and wouldn't be against living on base sometime in the future (if it's on Cyprus I suppose I'd struggle through ).

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    Moderator Heli's Avatar
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    Re: Not living in married quarters?

    Hello HW. Really glad you have joined us

    We have done both - lived in and out - and are currently living on a small patch. I think there are real pluses and minuses to both.

    I like the anonimity of living off base and I much prefer living in a more diverse community. I hate being herded into housing according to rank and therefore being surrounded by people of a similar age and profile. It's all a bit unnatural and incestuous. Having said that, as I work full time, have my own civvy friends and live on a tri Service patch, I don't see a lot of the other wives anyway.
    The big advantage is of course, that when your beloved is deployed you have an automatic support network of people who 'get' it. I do however, find it much easier to be myself here on RP. It's really lovely to be able to express yourself to other Service wives and to hear some really diverse opinions without the ever tricky and nonsensical 'who your husband is' hanging over it. So I think you have the best of both Worlds. A home in the real World near your family and RP for the support!

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    Senior Member hammyswife's Avatar
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    Re: Not living in married quarters?

    To Whiterose - where abouts is your oh posting? mines in plymouth on a ship that has just come out of refit (not sure if thats all i am allowed to say lol?) He does say though that there are a load of hammys in the RN... :P

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    Senior Member WhiteRose's Avatar
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    Re: Not living in married quarters?

    Quote Originally Posted by hammyswife
    To Whiterose - where abouts is your oh posting? mines in plymouth on a ship that has just come out of refit (not sure if thats all i am allowed to say lol?) He does say though that there are a load of hammys in the RN... :P
    Ah, it's a different Hammy then
    "Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws."

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    Moderator Gonzo's Avatar
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    Re: Not living in married quarters?

    Hi HW,

    My husband is in the army and we do a treadmill of three different locations in a 6 year period so have no choice but to live in qtrs. All I can say is thank god he only has 6 years left - if he doesn't get made redundant first!!! If he was based in one place I think we'd buy and commute because like someone else has said it is quite nice to flit in and out of military life, and sometimes it is nice for someone not to know what your husband does and where he is in the food chain.

    My Dad was based in one place for the last 6 years of his career so they settled where they are and lived off of base.

    Anyway, how rude of me, welcome to RP. Mine is currently a Brandy Sour.

    Me xx
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    Senior Member WhiteRose's Avatar
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    Re: Not living in married quarters?

    I should add - it's great to be able to decorate to whatever colour and style you want, have repairs done same day, have a garden we can do anything we like to, not have reminders of work everywhere we go...

    We work around the weekly commute OK, it's the weekend duties that are the nause like you say. But otherwise, I wouldn't live on the patch if you paid me
    "Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws."

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    Re: Not living in married quarters?

    I don't live in quarters either. Mr K gets posted every couple of years (when they get round to it) but we live wherever I'm working and he commutes home at weekends. It would be nice to see a bit more of each other but apart from that it works fine for us. I don't mind being out of the army loop at all but then I've never been in it. I have my support network in real life and on here and that's enough for me.

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    Junior Member Willowlady's Avatar
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    Re: Not living in married quarters?

    Hi HW,
    I haven't lived in MQ's for nearly 20 years now but still remember how left out of the loop I felt; if it hadn't been for the fact I worked for the MOD myself then God knows what I would have been like. Can't say we've been blessed with happy neighbours very much of the time but they do all speak to us which is a bonus. Husband is RN too and ironically we live as far away from the sea as you can get in England.

    Fully understand how you feel. Stick with us and we will get you through the rough stuff!!!

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    Senior Member hammyswife's Avatar
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    Re: Not living in married quarters?

    Thanks for everyones replys, i feel sooo much better now!

    Maybe one day if I have children then I might consider moving if the kids were really missing their dad. The main reason that puts me off is uprooting to live in quarters and then him having to go away for 6 months... then I would feel rather isolated lol.
    Nah, him working away all week and then commuting home at weekends really works for us, and I think it does make us stronger as a couple, plus I have my support and friends here if I need them. Also, having control over my home such as the decorating etc is a plus!

    xx

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    Member Angel523's Avatar
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    Hi, I live out. I posted rather gloomily in a Patch thread about how much I miss Patch life, just because when OH was in Iraq, my neighbours were inappropriate in some of their behaviour. The great thing is, forums like this can stem the feeling of utter isolation. Wish I'd known about you guys earlier.
    Tell me, is it just me or do you find that when OH is away, the Camp/Base forget you exist?
    There are three kinds of people in this world; those who watch what's happening, those who make things happen and those who wonder what the ** just happened?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Angel523 View Post
    Tell me, is it just me or do you find that when OH is away, the Camp/Base forget you exist?
    Yes, but I do my best to forget they exist so the arrangement suits us all really

  17. #17
    Moderator bodger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WhiteRose View Post
    Me and OH live out, so to speak, and I do get VERY annoyed sometimes that the RN seems to think we all live on an estate round the corner from the dockyard. Organising family events on a weeknight, get togethers and discounts to local establishments, that sort of thing.

    And even this year's Christmas ball is on a MONDAY night in the home port. Well, that's half the wives unable to attend for a start!
    Mr B is Army, so things might be slightly different, but in the olden days (about 10 years ago!) most functions happened at the weekend with the odd dinner night during the week to accommodate visiting big wigs etc. Now most do's are during the week. The reason for the change is because of the increased number of people living out/unaccompanied. If a function was arranged at the weekend it was found that pretty much none of the livers out would attend so they shifted it to the week so they would.

    It's a catch 22 situation and one of those 'you can't please everyone all of the time' moments!

  18. #18
    Senior Member Josephine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hammyswife View Post
    To Whiterose - where abouts is your oh posting? mines in plymouth on a ship that has just come out of refit (not sure if thats all i am allowed to say lol?) He does say though that there are a load of hammys in the RN... :P
    RN patches aren't so bad and the support in Plymouth is fab. I know a fair few service personnel and civvy partners, living on the plympton and crownhill patches, although the plympton one seems a lot friendlier out of the two. Banrstaples not that far from plymouth, would you give it a try at some point? I know it wouldn't happen asap, waiting lists etc but the partners aren't that bad in the area.

    I'm not attached to anyone serving but during my naval time, I lived in MQ's (more to do with luck and a long story lol) and the wives were pretty friendly and not shy to invite you over etc (the majority of the same wives are still there lol)

    If you did decide to move, drop me a PM and I can put you in touch with some of the wives down there x
    Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?

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    Senior Member Josephine's Avatar
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    didn't mean to cause any offence with my post, just thought I would say that one bit
    Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?

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    Senior Member Special_Tree's Avatar
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    Our functions (also army) used to be on a Friday night and they have just moved them to Saturday's.
    I live in quarters but I have to say we manage to avoid all that everyone knowing your business thing. In fact we have now been married coming up on 2 years and there are people who still don't know my husband has a wife! Hubs was out of the army for a year then signed back on. When he left we were dating but i wasn't known to anyone as i had been nowhere near his camp. He always came up North to me as i had a place for him to sleep and a child in tow. He returned married with a 3 yr old! The amount of people who had no idea he had left and just thought he had been away was madness. Those that did realise he had come back married didn't even realise that there was no way on earth the 3 yr old could be his and just assumed he had always had a child tucked away that no-one knew about lol.
    even now 2 years on, on the few occasions he has had child related time off (his own biological child) the senior he has spoken to hasn't realised he had a child and one even had the audacity to check his personnel records to make sure he wasn't lying!!
    It could just be that my hubby's regt are thick or just that he keeps himself to himself a lot (not many of the wives know who he is which is bliss!) so it is entirely possible to be 'out of the loop' when you are still very much in the middle of it.
    "Never say never, because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion"

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