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Discuss I have just found out when he's depolying :( hufff! in Partners - Wives, Girlfriends, Boyfriends, Husbands on Rear Party; Ok, so I have just found out the date that my OH will be deploying. I feel sick. I knew this day would come when dates would be finalised, I just didn't think it would ...
  
  1. #1
    Junior Member princessalbert's Avatar
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    I have just found out when he's depolying :( hufff!

    Ok, so I have just found out the date that my OH will be deploying. I feel sick. I knew this day would come when dates would be finalised, I just didn't think it would be this soon.... I don't want him to leave, I am too terrified of what may happen, and how he will have changed when he gets home. This is the second tour he has done since we have been together, although, the last wasn't a full operational tour. But this time the feeling is far worse, at least last time I had the comfort of knowing that he wasn't actally in combat!

    I know it can't be easy on him, and he must be terrified, even if he won't admit it, or even know it yet, it must be terrifying! I am trying so hard to stay calm and collected. Be the supportive girlfriend that he must so desperately need, but I am finding it so tough! Part of me even feels angry that he is deploying, angry that because of him I am feeling so many warped emotions, angry that he won't be here for Christmas, New Year, my Birthday, our Anniversary! I mean, christ, all these milestones and I can't even celebrate them with the one person who will be on my mind the whole time! And angry, most of all, because the one person I want to, and will want to source comfort from the most, is the one person that I can't!!

    So many people keep saying to me "that's unfortunately what its going to be like when your in a relationship with the a soldier," but christ, have some compassion! If I wanted the hard facts of life as an "army wag" I would ask for it, but right now all I want is a hug, and to be told that everything will be alright, and that he is a fantastic soldier who has had an amazing amount of training, and so there is no need to worry about him! I am sure my lashings out are just a way of me grieving, but I just want the pain to go away.

    Is this normal behaviour? Or do I just need to get a grip and pull my socks up??!

    Please help!!

    xoxo

  2. #2
    Moderator bodger's Avatar
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    Re: I have just found out when he's depolying :( hufff!

    I think it can be fairly normal to have those feelings but I find that if I get angry about the situation it makes me feel much, much worse. I've given up being upset that himself can't be around to share Christmas with the kids, birthday parties etc etc. It's a wasted emotion and something we can't do anything about. That said, at every 3 month mark I have a truly pissed off shitty day. I think I'm allowed that!

    Don't be too hard on the people who say things which you don't want to hear. They're probably just trying to find something to say when really there isn't anything constructive to say. If you want to blow off steam, let them know and ask them not to dispense advice! Mr B gets this sentence "Right, I'm going to get angry and shout a lot. Just make it look like you're listening and say nothing." It works for me!

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    Re: I have just found out when he's depolying :( hufff!

    I know it's hard not to and I wish I could take my own advice but try not to keep going over the 'what if's' and the things he'll miss in your head. I find i have to make a conscious effort to stop myself if I start having those thoughts because it's not going to do me or him any good. Also if it's any consolation my husband is happier when he's off doing the job he's trained for than hanging around camp so yours may feel the same. It doesn't mean he loves me any less but it's his job and he enjoys it, unfortunately because of the nature of the job there's all that crap that comes with it.

    Mr K was away for my birthday this year and had already got me my presents and I'd told him not to bother with a card on the actual day. I got a call from reception at work and he'd sent me a huge bunch of flowers and some chocs. Cheesy I know but he had never got me flowers before and I was on top of the world for about a week afterwards. I don't think anything he could have done if he'd been at home could have topped that feeling. So sometimes being apart has its good bits .

    Let yourself have the shitty days like Bodger says. I find I feel better afterwards than if I've tried to bottle it up. And when people say unhelpful stuff smile sweetly at them and come on here for a rant!

  4. #4
    Junior Member lincs77's Avatar
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    Re: I have just found out when he's depolying :( hufff!

    well all i can say is at least your partner has told you the truth and you know he is definetely going. mine told me he was going to afghanistan and this was supposed to be in june, but as my suspiscions have confirmed due to lots of conflicting info from him (and my own research by speaking with people he doesn't know i know) i know he hasn't gone and is basically acting as a wannabe. i am mortified that anyone can do this to someone they are supposed to want to be with as well as to the guys and girls already out there. my friend rang his "old number" (thats another story) and managed to weedle out info which coincidentally was the same as it should be. hope to god there are not 2 of him. i have not confronted him yet as daft as it sounds i'm struggling to control my laughter at his stupidity. have that to look forard to later.

    good luck to you and your guy and everything will be just fine.

  5. #5
    Senior Member moomin's Avatar
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    Re: I have just found out when he's depolying :( hufff!

    Wow Lincs77 that's pretty special! Are you 'sending' stuff to him 'out there'? Is he even in the army!? Bad times!

    Princessalbert - we are all going to have moment like that. My mum has learnt to stop giving advice and just lets me rant and rave. She knows it is usually transcient. But as Bodger has said, it is completely counterproductive, so it's important to learn to try and curb it. I hate feeling that way sometimes.

    We are all here for those moments though, i bet most of us have been through something similar, or will face it at some point in the future. Lots of deep breaths, and try and make some fun plans for while he's away, so you have things to look forward to!

  6. #6
    Junior Member lincs77's Avatar
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    Re: I have just found out when he's depolying :( hufff!

    He used to be in the marines, said he came out just over 2 yrs ago, (strange as i have known him for over 3 yrs) and said he was called as a reserve to go out as a medic (he's a paramedic in civvy st), but according to the mod (who i would rather believe), reserves are not mobilised as a specific role, although their skills may be used over there. (i have their email response as proof). i did send an e bluey to him although i didn't know his numbers, i found out the bfpo and as he was "going as a marine reserve" addressed it to the marine unit out there. strange how it came back to me as person unknown not in 40 commando.

  7. #7
    Moderator bodger's Avatar
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    Re: I have just found out when he's depolying :( hufff!

    Quote Originally Posted by lincs77
    He used to be in the marines, said he came out just over 2 yrs ago, (strange as i have known him for over 3 yrs) and said he was called as a reserve to go out as a medic (he's a paramedic in civvy st), but according to the mod (who i would rather believe), reserves are not mobilised as a specific role, although their skills may be used over there. (i have their email response as proof). i did send an e bluey to him although i didn't know his numbers, i found out the bfpo and as he was "going as a marine reserve" addressed it to the marine unit out there. strange how it came back to me as person unknown not in 40 commando.
    I hope you've got shot of the walty tw*t!!

  8. #8
    Senior Member golden_showers's Avatar
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    Re: I have just found out when he's depolying :( hufff!

    Quote Originally Posted by lincs77
    He used to be in the marines, said he came out just over 2 yrs ago, (strange as i have known him for over 3 yrs) and said he was called as a reserve to go out as a medic (he's a paramedic in civvy st), but according to the mod (who i would rather believe), reserves are not mobilised as a specific role, although their skills may be used over there. (i have their email response as proof). i did send an e bluey to him although i didn't know his numbers, i found out the bfpo and as he was "going as a marine reserve" addressed it to the marine unit out there. strange how it came back to me as person unknown not in 40 commando.
    Sounds like he's calling it off, albeit in a cowardly manner, with you!

    Back on track to the original OP, the girls above have given you some sound advice.

    You'll be fine... Service spouses somehow tend to be!

  9. #9
    Member Lou77's Avatar
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    Re: I have just found out when he's depolying :( hufff!

    Princessalbert...im only going to echo what everyone else has already said. Its normal to have mixed emotions and as the date rolls closer they may get worse, they may ease!!! Make the most of the here and now and 'try' not to let the impending tour be the centre of everything (easier said than done).
    And you will be fine, i get a wobble on for the first couple of days and then I get into the swing of things and my routine is second to none, of course I am human and have my days where I just want him home but hey ho. I am in the same boat, my oh is also going on tour this year and will also miss both childrens birthdays, his own birthday, christmas, new yr, my birthday, he may just get r&r in time for Valentines YAY.... And thats what we are all here for...a moan and for you to just let it all out. You will be fine. xxx

  10. #10
    Senior Member lawlady's Avatar
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    Re: I have just found out when he's depolying :( hufff!

    The folks on here are giving you sound advice. Mr Laws has been away a month tomorrow. I have been really fine until this weekend, when I've been on a real downer. I'm putting it down to "ahem" hormones!!

    We do cope and cope well for most of the time. You'll get into a routine while he's away. I try to treat myself once a month so I've always got something to look forward to that's just for me.

    As I'm not sure when he will be back I've geared up to his missing every "event" this year, that way if I do get to see him it's a bonus.

    Chin up - we're all here and are or have been in the same boat so we do understand xxx
    Rank: Biddy 1st Class

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  11. #11
    Senior Member WhiteRose's Avatar
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    Re: I have just found out when he's depolying :( hufff!

    Keep smiling there princessalbert!

    We all get the hang of being without the OH and we all have our ups and downs - generally randomly!

    Get yourself into a routine and spoil yourself every now and again. Keep focused on the reunion and all the things you'll get up to - dropping the odd hint about that into the blueys!

    Meantime, we'll all be here, glass in hand!
    "Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws."

  12. #12
    Junior Member LilMissMouse's Avatar
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    Re: I have just found out when he's depolying :( hufff!

    OMG, I just got told my OH has a new ship draft... and they will be deploying 2 days later. He's been shore-based all the time we've been together, and now - when I'm in the middle of packing to move down to him - I'm told I'm on a countdown to 6+ months without him. My best mate will be going through the same thing at the same time funnily enough as her OH is off for 4 months in January too... so if there's anyone in the Plymouth area that fancies nights out in a few months time, let me know!!

  13. #13
    Junior Member princessalbert's Avatar
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    Re: I have just found out when he's depolying :( hufff!

    Thank you all so much for such supportive guidance! I am so pleased I stumbled accross this site!!

    You all seem so strong, and right now I am feeling anything but strong, but I guess that comes with time! I have enrolled on a college course that starts a couple of days after he goes, so at least I have something to focus on, and I will be finishing in time for his return home!

    We have decided that when he gets home we are going to look for a flat together near to where his camp is, as we are both getting sick and tired of not only the time away from eachother, but the long distance!!

    We have decided that on his leave we are going to celebrate all the events he will miss when he is not hear, because at least the we have had "our" time together, so wont be so hard on the day!!

    You all are such amazingly strong women (and men) and I am so grateful to all of your responses!

    Love and light to all of you and your OH's

    PA x


    P.S

    Lincs77

    He sounds like a prick......get rid!!!! You deserve so much better...not to be put through the hell it sounds like he's putting you through!!!

    x

  14. #14
    Senior Member Slugster's Avatar
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    Re: I have just found out when he's depolying :( hufff!

    You can't say huff, it's the law.


    Please sponsor my brother. It's for the RNLI, and they're nice people. https://www.justgiving.com/Lifeboat-Daves/

  15. #15
    Junior Member princessalbert's Avatar
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    Re: I have just found out when he's depolying :( hufff!

    why can I not say "hufff"?

  16. #16
    Moderator Gonzo's Avatar
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    Re: I have just found out when he's depolying :( hufff!

    PA I was going to say celebrate everything when he gets back - I even out the xmas tree up in May last time (and DH hates Xmas too - pmsl)
    viros non paenitet


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