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Discuss new comer in Partners - Wives, Girlfriends, Boyfriends, Husbands on Rear Party; hi every one my partener is going to afgan next saturday , he`s had two week off an has to go back this sunday can anyone tell me if befor you fella (or son/ wife ...
  
  1. #1
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    new comer

    hi every one my partener is going to afgan next saturday , he`s had two week off an has to go back this sunday can anyone tell me if befor you fella (or son/ wife ) left did they become very moody an argumentiv my bf has been so snappy the last week its like he wants me to leave him befor he go`s ?? he keeps sayin you just dont understand an i dont realy know him? we not been talkin for two days as i dont want to argue with him, is his behaveur normal of someone in his position??/ he`s wearing me down im feelin lost at the min

  2. #2
    Schuh
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    Re: new comer

    Hi Kitty, welcome to RP.

    Going on tour affects different people differently. It could depend on whether it's his first and he's apprehensive and doesn't know what to expect, or he's been before and had a rough time of it. Whatever the reason then it's best to let him get on with it. Reassure him that you are there to listen if he wants to talk, but don't be pffended if he doesn't. He has a fair bit to deal with at the moment so bear with him.

    Follow his lead and let him decide what he wants to do for the next two weeks. If you want a sounding board or platform to have a good whinge then the majority of us have been, are, or are about to go through the same as you.

    Have a trawl through the threads because many a person has come on with exactly the same question as you, so you're not on your own.

    Oh and I almost forgot, this lot are a bunch of lushes so I hope you have glass in hand

  3. #3
    Senior Member spiderhater's Avatar
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    Re: new comer

    Eugh. I hate that old chestnut 'I'll push you away so you don't miss me as much', I've had this (and heard this) from a lot of people who have friends and family going away, they don't want you to feel all angsty and miss them so they try and make you angry instead. Doesn't work, we just end up feel confused and unloved but can you tell them that? Can you 'eck as like. Stick with it, don't crowd him and look forward to the make up sex when he's on leave!
    Not quite a newby but not quite there yet either, just settling in to my first patch in Germany.



  4. #4
    Moderator bodger's Avatar
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    Re: new comer

    Hi Kitty and welcome. I know it's very confusing but generally there's a time when they mentally leave before they physically do. I can just about guarantee that he'll feel a bit guilty later on, but that doesn't help you now! Grit your teeth, hold your head high and let it all wash over you.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Sancerre's Avatar
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    Re: new comer

    Hi Kitty and Welcome. Echo all the advice of the above posters. My OH has done two tours and we have another looming in a while. Is this his first tour? As someone else said, mentally, he is probably already out there. Take a look at this link, it might help explain his behaviour. I remember reading about the 'Emotional Cycle of Deployment' when my OH went to sandy place last year. A lot of it is geared towards married couples with children, but not all.

    http://www.hooah4health.com/deployme...ionalcycle.htm

    What you're experiencing is very normal and it will change. You're doing the best thing by giving him his space at the moment.

    Do you know anyone in a similar scenario? If not, (as I didn't), then RP is a great source of support.

    Good luck

  6. #6
    Moderator Gonzo's Avatar
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    Re: new comer

    Kitty, Welcome to RP. What your partner is doing is quite normal. In fact I find myself doing it when my hubby is being deployed too, it's a coping mechanism.

    Sancerre, that link is interesting. The deployment part is not so accurate for me because I prefer not to hear from hubby until he is coming home, but it is qute accurate on most of the other things.

    Sam x
    viros non paenitet


    "Wit is educated insolence."

  7. #7
    Junior Member justme's Avatar
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    Re: new comer

    Hi Kitty,

    What is your other half in? Am a the better-half of an RM deploying in a few weeks, am arranging a get together of some of the wives/girlfriends (via facebook), as some of us have never met, but know of each other and they are all deploying as of next week until aprli, and we all felt that we wanted to know someone else in exactly the same situ!

    The mood started few weeks back, so best advice, leave him to it, and I'm sure it will be fine, just be there if he needs to talk and don't take it too personally!

    I don't tend to write much but reading alot on here from others who have posted about their experiences ring so true.

    Justme

  8. #8
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    Re: new comer

    hi just me an ll that replyed to my post
    im feeling much better about thing knowing hes acting like most ,my oh is in RA , He leaves tonight to go back to catric an think he will be off to fgan next saturday this is his second tour ,he went to iraq 5 years ago but he was not behaveing like this ? i dont know anyone in the same boat so would be great to meet up with you`s all.

  9. #9
    Moderator blessed_baby_cakes's Avatar
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    Re: new comer

    MOD HEAD ON:

    I'm watching this thread for OPSEC/PERSEC.

    Please think before you post information that may ID your other half and or his unit/reg movements.

    Welcome to RP Kitty.

    Beebs x
    Site cynic...... say what you like, I'll translate it for you.


  10. #10
    Senior Member gentlesoul's Avatar
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    Re: new comer

    http://www.rncom.mod.uk/Family_Wellb...eparation.aspx

    From the RN Community Site but the advice is still applicable.
    Silk has a stronger tensile strength than steel but is not rigid.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Sancerre's Avatar
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    Re: new comer

    Quote Originally Posted by samm1551
    Kitty, Welcome to RP. What your partner is doing is quite normal. In fact I find myself doing it when my hubby is being deployed too, it's a coping mechanism.

    Sancerre, that link is interesting. The deployment part is not so accurate for me because I prefer not to hear from hubby until he is coming home, but it is qute accurate on most of the other things.

    Sam x
    Hi Sam
    Yes I know what you mean, some of it I thought didn't apply to me personally, but I think overall it does give a good general overview. I found it useful just as a sort of explanation really.

    Kitty, he may not have known what to expect when he went to Iraq, but remember Afghanistan is constantly in the news and he probably knows people who've been out already, let alone the training they do beforehand - so he will have a pretty good idea of what goes on out there. Hence maybe why he is behaving differently this time. Its a difficult one, but just bear with it. You will probably hear from him in a few weeks once he has found his feet.

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