Thread: new navy girlfriend

My boyfriends joining the navy, he starts soon and im finding it hard to deal with. i feel like im competeing for 1st place with this career. and it can just feel so unfair with the compramises i have to make. i know i sound like a bitch but i dont know what to do. weve been together for 2 years and i feel that i will have to do everything i want to do around this and he isnt able to be flexible atall.

please help =[
xxx

Hello Aims and welcome to RP.

Being a Forces wife/girlfriend isn't always a bowl of cherries, of that you can be absolutely certain, but it's not all bad. Yes, there are some times when compromises have to be made, but that's the name of the game unfortunately. There are no rules which say you have to fit around your OH's career, it's a matter of choice.

Without wanting to sound too hard, don't compete for first place; if this is what he really wants to do then he's going to do it and it's drummed into the blokes from an early stage that work comes first. If you accept that then you'll find yourself a lot happier.

Keep smiling, you'll probably find it's not nearly bad as you think it's going to be!

Hi there Aims, welcome.

I'm a RN other half, and being in this position has its ups and downs.

As bodger said, never try and compete with the job. You'll lose every time. Particularly as you'll find very early once he's posted to a ship that the ship comes first (we call our ship our mistress). Weekends and downtime become a precious commodity.

Without wanting to disrespect my army and RAF sisters, being a RN other half is much more difficult. Whereas the other two services tend to take their partners with them, in the RN you're very often left behind on a weekly and monthly basis. You just get in to a routine of being together and you're apart again.

But that's not all bad. My civvy friends envy my position. How else, they say, can you be so close to someone yet still have a life of your own? And that's what any service partner does. You make the most of every minute you're together (the reunions can be rather intense!) and when you're apart, you get on with your life, what you want to do.

That's not selfish, either. Because believe me, the boys miss us as much as we miss them when they're away. It's just they tend to to busier and, being blokes, tend not to show it as much.

All in all, it's a great life. I wouldn't swap it for the world.

I understand that the hardest part is accepting it and that i need to let him do what he wants to do and stand by him. Thanks for all your help ive had noone else to speak to about it as nobody else i know is in the same position. i dont know how to deal or feel with loosing to it, or a job coming before me or being more important. i hate the fact that if they set him rules he has to stick to what they say ,and not be able to say no because ive asked him to =[

Yup, the Navy is the worst of all, being ex-navy, myself, I can say it's very frustrating not being able to see your partner too.

With duty watches onboard being 1 day in every 4 days, it's a pain. Especially if the ship has low man power.

I will say this now, though, you will never come first, so I would not even bother with making it a competition. Anyone who signs on that dotted line is signing their life over to Queen and Country, the job comes first.

Be supportive but also understand that your OH will be under a lot of pressure during basic and trade training. There will be times that he can not come home, purely because his course is so hectic but you can get around that. Make plans to go and see him for a weekend in plymouth/portsmouth etc, be pro-active and I can gaurantee he will be VERY grateful.

xx

i found it really hard being a navy girlfriend,sometimes i could be supportive and others,i would kick scream and throw tantrums because i coudnt get my own way.
i am now very happily married to my navy boyfriend and we just deal with it,its not as bad as i thought it would be and weve had a tough time lately and ive found the navy to be fantastically supportive,not the sort of treatment most men would get from their bosses x

Just got passed the one year mark with my RN boyfriend and sometimes it's not as bad as I thought, sometimes, I'll not lie, it's worse. But we're still together so I guess it's not so bad and I certainly haven't fitted my career plans (am slowly working towards qualifying as a solicitor) around him, though sometimes the weeks become a bit hectic to make sure the weekends are free (though once I qualify and end up on call that's going to become a luxury too...).
And yes the job will come first, but last thing at night, when he closes his eyes - it won't be the ship on his mind.

Thankyou so much im starting to feel so much better now, i think its just waiting for it to happen now, just want it to get started so i can stop dwelling on it and get through it!

thanks for all your help! xxx

Hi aims!

I got with my husband when he had been in for a year so straight off we were apart in the week and although its hard it used to be great that i saw all my friends in the week and him at the weekends! now we're married, have 2 kids and we're moving down south in the next couple of months to be together a little bit more in the week when hes home its great!!

Dont get me wrong it does take work and when i try to get him to do something he does tell me 9 out of 10 times he cant do it its frustrating but very very worth it!! So stick with him if you can its a great career for him!
x x

One warning - he will lose the ability to speak english, particularly when he's been away for any length of time. (sailor's idiom, known as jackspeak)

Awww i know how you feel i have just been landed in the same situation as you, and i am really upset but i havent let on to him. I just smile and tell him how happy i am that he is doing what he wants and its his life. But i do cry sometimes when i am alone. We have also been together the same amount of time so i can understand what you are feeling right now, i want to just hug him and tell him i dont want him to go and that this isnt fair and blah blah blah but that wouldnt be fair either. Plus im planning on turning the bedroom to pink and sparkly when he leaves lol since i cant now!

Welcome, everyones really nice on here; just ask, or rant!! enjoy xx

Hi

Me and my boyfriend have been together 2 years now and he's just doing his trade training as an aet at portsmouth. I really want to be a nurse and think that in this day and age the forces is the best place to do it.... but will joining the navy mean i'll never see him? I know you can't dictate where you are based but does anyone know the policies on couples in the navy?

Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated I dont want to lose him but really want to do this?!?

Thanks
Hannahb x

Originally Posted by LegallyShort

One warning - he will lose the ability to speak english, particularly when he's been away for any length of time. (sailor's idiom, known as jackspeak)

Warning - And it never leaves............. :wink:

Originally Posted by hannahb

Hi

Me and my boyfriend have been together 2 years now and he's just doing his trade training as an aet at portsmouth. I really want to be a nurse and think that in this day and age the forces is the best place to do it.... but will joining the navy mean i'll never see him? I know you can't dictate where you are based but does anyone know the policies on couples in the navy?

Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated I dont want to lose him but really want to do this?!?

Thanks
Hannahb x

There will be times, esp when deployed. I can't speak for the QARNNs but I think someone on here will be able to let you know. You could get a pref base down in Plymouth or pompie but the reality is, there will be time spent apart, you will see eachother.

Originally Posted by hannahb

Hi

Me and my boyfriend have been together 2 years now and he's just doing his trade training as an aet at portsmouth. I really want to be a nurse and think that in this day and age the forces is the best place to do it.... but will joining the navy mean i'll never see him? I know you can't dictate where you are based but does anyone know the policies on couples in the navy?

Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated I dont want to lose him but really want to do this?!?

Thanks
Hannahb x

Hannah

If you would like to train as a Nurse in the Royal Navy, all the details you need are here:

http://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers/...whats-the-job/

Some things I've learned over the last2/3 years as an RN girlfriend

You might think there are times when it's rubbish for you- there are times when it will be a zillion times worse for the person at sea/on training He will miss you heaps-even if he doesn't show it 8O I personally cannot imagine anything worse than being in the same confined space for weeks/months at a time/being told what to do-but because he hacks it, i respect him more for it.

He will have to compromise too-you can still have your career and your life but he should not expect you to drop everything every time he comes back ashore. Just because you don't have your next 12 years of your career mapped out on a piece of paper like he does doesn't mean you can't also have the career you want to have. Remember the Navy is his choice-and you are entitled to yours too.

I went through the full spectrum of emotions from anger/abandonment/fear/resentment/pain/questionning/rage/worthlessness when he joined up-and it's ok to feel all those things but now i LOVE what he does and am so proud of him and I have a career I might not have even contemplated if he was a civvy tied to a standard job. Our relationship means so much more now - before we'd probably take each other for granted a bit. But I always think that sometimes the best things in life are well worth the extra effort.

^^^^^^^ Take note of what is said above ^^^^^^^^

Your OH won't appreciate the moaning about his job and I can guarantee his mates won't like it either. And yes, you heard right...............they do talk about their relationship in-depth with their mess mates, believe me EVERYTHING :roll:

Hey
My boyfriend joined the Navy six months ago and I know he will be leaving soon to be drafted out. We've been together for 2 years and I'm dreading him going. I feel lonely already and he hasn't even gone yet!
I'm scared that when he does come back after months apart that he will be different or we won't feel the same way about each other. I don't want us to grow apart, I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it cause nobody understands. I'm trying to move to the South to be near him but all my family and friends are from the North, so will be alone there when he's drafted out. Any advice on coping with the months apart and preparing for it?

Laura X

Hiya, my partner is going through his basic training at the moment, he is just coming to the end of his second week. He is finding it hard as he's very homesick but he knows he needs to brave through it and be strong. It has been quite hard to get used to him not being here, we've gone from living together and spending all our spare time together to a few texts and 1 call a day. We are engaged and hope to get married in the next year so after his trad training we can try apply for marriage quarters. I live in Lincolnshire so its such a long way fromwhere he will be training for the next 8 months. Its hard to explain to my friends and family how hard this is as for once im having to be the strong one not show my emotions too much. Would be nice to talk to other people in the same situation, to help each other through this