All those 'It's over' threads........ PLUS

[Poppy]

chin up,,girl lots of nicer fish out there..

There's no fish in the sea, only sharks and spinless jellyfish!!!

and who wants to shag a fish anyway?

[Fally_Fox]

Exactly :lol:

[pupgreen]

sorry ill slope off back under my rock...

[Slugster]

Have you had grudge sex with him? That normally works for me.

[Fally_Fox]

Naah he's up in Scotland, and I aint payin to go all that way for grudge sex! That's precious beer money for NYE

[Snowflake]

Hi guys,

I broke up with my boyfriend over the weekend, he said that he doesn't love me and never has, and feels he can't love anyone, so he thinks it's better for him to be by himself and just focus on his job.

I'm so upset, I can't imagine being without him. He asked me to marry him and have his children, I don't understand why he wants to be alone. He says he cares about me deeply and I'm his best friend, I don't understand why he doesn't want me. I can't imagine choosing to be by yourself for the rest of your life.

He's confused me so much, he keeps calling to check up on how I'm doing, hes the only person that really makes me feel better. He's being so nice to me and says he feels terrible himself for breaking up with me and wants to see me again soon, as he misses me (We haven't seen each other for a month as he's been away on training). I just don't understand. Can you guys see what I'm missing? My friend's say he's a b*stard who's screwing with my head, but i don't agree, he seems to really care. I don't understand. I just want him back. I love him so much, why doesn't he love me? If I haven't done anything wrong what's my problem. I don't believe people exist who don't want love. I'm so confused. Help! Do you think he'll take me back? I don't know. I just feel terrible.

[mingmong]

Honestly?

In my experience, the "I'm a b.astard" routine comes from guilt.

Guilty because either he has met someone else or he is liking the look of sexual freedom and he doesn't want to look bad for hurting you.

Sorry, but it's usually true.

I'm (for once) not going to gob off and tell you to pull yourself together blah blah blah, because I do understand how you feel.

But I have to say I doubt he is coming back, so keep smiling and get yourself out as much as you can socially. Even if you really can't face it, do it. For a start, no-one wants to get back together with a snivelling wreck and it will also stop you moping.

Trust me, been there, done that and the only person who hurts the most in the end is yourself.

(I really must stop posting on here when I'm sober)

[choc-chip-cookie]

Blimey mingmong, whats up?
you seem to be quite nice when you're sober!

Snowflake, sorry to hear your news. I'm afraid I have to agree with the thought that he's probably being oh so nice out of guilt for hurting you.

If he's claiming to have never loved you (whether he means this or not) he doesn't deserve your time and emotions after saying that. I'd be seriously cautious about seeing him and continuing contact with him. You're hurting, you need time to grieve for the relationship and need space to pick yourself up and move on, having him 'checking up on you' is not going to help when you still have feelings for him.

Buy a fantastic sexy new outfit, arrange a good girly night out, flirt like mad and enjoy yourself. Hope you feel happier soon xxx

[blessed_baby_cakes]

I'm with the mong on this one, he's on a guilt trip and you're well rid of him.

As to wanting to be friends, that's code for keeping you in reserve for no strings sex should the shag he's lined up not put out.

Beebs

[smartcookie]

Cut ALL contact!!
Its tough but by making yourself available for his calls etc simply prolongs the hurt for you and eases his conscience.
It will be shite for a while but you WILL get through it.... I promise
I was binned by the love of my life back in Sept 2005 (totally out of the blue but am now almost certain he shagged some slag he worked with who had been making a play for him for months) and only last week actually found the diary I had been keeping at the time. I figured that writing down all my shit feelings each day would help me. Reading back on it I cannot believe I was that fecked by the break-up. All I wanted to do was curl up in a dark room with a bottle of vodka. But we lasses are made of sterner stuff so get your head down and plough through the crap. There is no escaping it but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger

ps. He actually sent me an email 6 months later telling me that he had made a big mistake and could we give it another go...oh how I laughed

[sushiwo]

Sorry to hear about your break up.

I'm sorry to say as well, that 'he thinks it's better for him to be by himself and just focus on his job' sounds alittle to me like he wants to be single so he can do what single soldiers do.

That's just a guess given that I don't know either of you. Assuming that your friends know you both quite well I would listen carefully to what they say because friends are often right about these things and they have your best interests at heart.

If he doesn't love you or wants his freedom to see other women then at least you know now. It's better to know and be able to move on than be strung along or cheated on. Try not to indulge him in his phone calls as it will only make it harder for you in the long run and I suspect he's mostly doing it to help relieve his guilt. I've seen guys do this to girls before because they think it makes it easier if they 'let them down gradually', but in reality the only person it makes it easy on it the guy, the girl just gets confused and starts hoping that it's not really over.

Go out and use your friends for support. Don't let on to him how upset you are. Tell him you are moving on... and actually do it.

[Gillylady]

I don't think that wearing a sexy outfit and flirting with men will help your self esteem at all. Do you want the men to want you for 'you' or your body?

Shut yourself away (with mates if needed), do your grieving and lick your wounds, get stronger and make a come back when you want to, talking to people will help you although you don't realise at the time.

That's my opinion.

[Tootsie_Le_Coq]

Hi

Sorry to hear about you and your OH.

I agree with Gillylady comments. You might feel fine all dolled up for a night out but you might end up morphing into a "Wine Woman" after one too many. You all know what I mean, its 0200hrs you are minging drunk with runny mascara and one tit fallen out of your bra. Crying hysterically and hugging complete strangers (who you are convinced are your new best friend) as you have lost all your friends, your bloke has dumped you and you lost a shoe coming out of the nightclub. Not a pretty sight.

I think a giant tub of posh icecream, chocolate, lots of wine is called for. Wade through the entire box set of Friends, Sex in the City (choice is yours). Repeat as many times as necessary on successive nights until you feel better.

HP
x

[choc-chip-cookie]

lol i don't mean dress like a tart, let your tits hang out, get drunk and copp off with every bloke who looks your way.

It is possible to dress up to feel good about yourself and enjoy a couple of drinks whilst having a good laugh with your girly mates.

Something, anything, to help make you feel better about yourself but have self control and dignity in whatever you do.

[Snowflake]

Thanks girls, I hadn't really thought about him being nice to me to make himself feel better. If that's the case then I don't want to talk to him, I want him to feel bad for what he's done to me.

And also if the 'I can't love anyone' bit is bullsh*t and he just want to cop off with other girls then he's not who I thought and I don't want to be with a looser who just wants to get laid.

One of my hobbies is pole dancing, I went last night even though i didn't feel like it and it made me feel loads better. I guess it kept my mind off things by trying to remember my next move, and also my class is in a mirrored dance studio, so I could see myself doing the moves and it made think that maybe I am sexy and have youth on my side, and maybe someone else will love me one day. As I've kind of been thinking that I've had it, and that I might as well die.

I guess I'll probably sway back and forth in my thoughts, but your comments have made me think clearer and dancing has cheered me up. I was thinking of having sex with one of his officers who I know likes me, just to p*ss him off, but I guess that will only cheapen myself. So I think dancing and exercising are the way forward.

[bossyboots]

Poppy wrote

and who wants to shag a fish anyway?

Er, plenty of blokes Poppy? :lol:

[sushiwo]

I guess I'll probably sway back and forth in my thoughts, but your comments have made me think clearer and dancing has cheered me up. I was thinking of having sex with one of his officers who I know likes me, just to p*ss him off, but I guess that will only cheapen myself. So I think dancing and exercising are the way forward.

Sleeping with one of his officers might make you feel good for alittle while but I doubt it will last, and you could end up making you feel worse in the long run. I know you are hurting and angry but is it really necessary to exact revenge to make yourself feel better?

Exercising and dancing (as you say) are totally the way forward. Forget about getting bitter and revengeful and do stuff that makes you feel good about yourself.

[HisLady]

I would NOT do the sleeping with the officer thing. It would make you look not only cheap but desperate too.
I agree with sushiwo, there are far sweeter ways to get even. And to be very blunt (if I may) acting like a slapper really isn't number one on the list!!

[sarahjng]

snowflake

sleeping with his officer is NOT the way to go. if you really want to stick the boot in it takes a little time but can be sooo worth it.
spend the next week cleaning yourself up, get your hair done, facials whatever it takes until YOU know you look like a million dollers, arrange a night out with your mates for dinner and dancing, preferably ones you can trust to
A) make sure you dont get sloppy drunk (see above)
B) dont get sloppy drunk themselves
C) arrange the night that the asshole either sees you having a great time or gets to hear about it from his mates
and
D) ensure that when you get whisked away by the gorgeous man with the flash car (make sure its a mate HE DOESNT KNOW!!!) at the end of the night everyone knows it.

you may end up sobbing on the way home but at least the asshole wont knbow it, all he will see is you looking killer and having a great time with your mates, probebly while hes sitting there with some girl with a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

the other alternative is to sneak into his room or car with 3 pints of shrimp, a funnel and a knife LOL

[Eye_of_Newt]

the other alternative is to sneak into his room or car with 3 pints of shrimp, a funnel and a knife LOL

Why do you need the knife? Can't you just ram the funnel up his jacksie with a bit of WD40?