Thread: Need a place to moan? Don't need a reply? Fill your boots!

Today i would like to have a gripe about blokes brains! what brains i hear you gasp...well, precisely!
Why is it..You are going for a night out, you buy something new, you spend hours in the bathroom plucking, preening, shaving, waxing and generally torturing yourself in the effort to look like a goddess. You then float down the stairs and present yourself to your other half ( who is sat glued to the football results, lottery, whatever) You wait for him to fall at your feet, dribbling with desire whilst gasping that you are indeed the most gorgeous creature he has ever clapped eyes on.
BUT
Instead he sits with his eyes still glued to the T.V with not so much as a 'very nice luv' Eventually when he is satisfied that he hasn't won the pools, lottery or a weekend with Kylie, he stands up and says 'are we fit then?' while you stand waiting for him to fall at your feet, dribbling with the aforementioned desire. Realising this isn't going to happen, you deflate faster than a punctured tyre while images of him laid in pools of blood flash through your mind ( usually with you battering him with that horrible ornament his mother bought you for your birthday)
After a while i got a tad fed up of asking 'do i look okay?' to the response of 'you'll do' So i came down the stairs wearing nothing but my underwear and asked 'do i look okay?' Naturally him being glued to the football results, lottery or whatever, gave the usual response of ' you'll do'...until he everntually stood up with an 'are we fit then?' followed by 'bloody hell woman, you've got no clothes on!!' 'Yes' i smiled sweetly 'and you said i looked ok'
Strangely enough after this, he still gave the stock answer, but at least he took his eyes off the bloody T.V for 2 seconds before he did.

Sunday drivers that emergency stop and then indicate :evil:

even worse Gilly bloody drivers that pull out in front of you then take the next turning grrrrrr!!! and they're usually men!

Sunday drivers who are usually of pensionable age, drive a sporty model car......at 10 miles per bloody hour!!!!

Little old ladies in the middle lane of the motorway doing 55mph in their Nissan Micras!!!!

Come to think of it....Nissan micra's..Grrrrrrrr.

Actually, and to my eternal shame, I did own a Nissan Micra ops:

Although, in my defence I have to add that I was living deep in the welsh valleys at the time. My previous car had gone to the big scrapyard in the sky, the old fella was wandering about in some distant country, playing soldiers, topping up his tan and gbetting drunk and I needed an urgent mode of transport to help me escape across the border a couple of times a week to keep my sanity. So I had a quick shufti round the little village I was buried alive in and the only car that was for sale (other than Jones the farm's rusy, poo covered tractor) was a red Nissan Micra 988cc (people in the know will tell you that the average lawnmower has a bigger engine than that) I handed over my 2 sheep with matching wellies as payment and off I drove into the sunset. All went well until I came to the hill outside my house...the car took one look at the 1:4 and politely growled "not on your f***ing nelly, boyo!" and promptly died

Anyway, after a lot of coaxing and promises of fresh sheep dung to adorn the tyres the car got going again. Some days later I was driving along quite happily (well, as happily as you can in a £150 rust bucket that belches and farts in protest at every gear change) when I saw another hill approaching. I had learned by that time that the only way to get up anything steeper than a gentle incline was to take a run up at it. So I put my foot to the floor, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Unfortunately, just as I closed my eyes a car coming towards me flashed me (say what you like about the welsh but they're very good early warning systems when it comes to speed cameras) I missed the flash, and next thing I knew there I was on the side of the road trying to explain 46 mph in a 30mph zone to the biggest, hairiest, ginger man that Abergavenny Police had ever employed. His nasal hair did the hokey cokey every time he breathed (fascinating to watch it go in and out as he was writing out my ticket) and although he listened politely to my explanation of "but officer, if I don't take a run up at the hill I'll never get over it" he gave me his autograph - and charged me £60 for it! 8O

So yes, I agree with Bossyboots - I HATE NISSAN MICRAS!

Just looked at my face in the mirror. 8O Many spots/pimples/evil angry looking things brewing....and tomorrow I am meant to be going to a party (my early birthday party!!) and am finally seeing OH (first time in 2 months) at the weekend, when you can guarantee they will have become fully fledged 'spot them from a mile away' type!! :cry:
I wouldn't be so bothered if it is was any other evening/weekend, but this always seems to happen to me, at the time when I want to be looking at least half decent. :?

I am terrible at goodbyes. Just done the first of my 'proper' goodbye evenings, 3 more to go. I'm in bits... :cry:

Im still in 'sad' mode from doing goodbyes for deployment. They NEVER get any easier. Sheesh with all the practice Ive had you would think it would be second nature!

Cheer up Minxy, my son creature loves you so it aint all bad 8O

My gripe today ladies ( and gents) is daytime t.v. Oh yes!
I decided to take a couple of weeks annual leave from work and i decided that monging it was going to be just the ticket to chill. So i got myself comfy on the sofa, coffee and fags at the ready and popped the t.v on and spend a while educating myself. WHAT? the first prog was a bloke called Jeremy who appears to be the male equivelent of Trisha, i couldn't believe it instead of Trisha does chavs, there was Jeremy does freaks!! overweight female freaks shouting at skinny freaks telling the world all about how he should love baby freak and she has not been unfaithful, even though fatty and skinny freak are both white, apart from fatty freak who is white with blue veins on her legs and baby freak is the colour of milky coffee!! Taking a gulp of my coffee i turned over..
Hmm BBC1 looked rather interesting 2 middle class 'ish interior designers standing in what appears to be rubble enthusing about colour schemes and making things from a piece of MDF. Quickly losing interest and the will to live, i tuned into BBC2 and found a programme apparently aimed at primary school children that consisted of 4 brightly coloured things with pot bellies dancing amongst a daisy while shouting 'ey oh'
But never fear, there is always sky..zillions of channels to choose from. Lighting up another fag, purely to settle the nerves you understand i zapped away with the remote control. Are you being served, steptoe and son, repeats of eastenders and yet more home renovation programmes. Aaaaargh. I can't believe the amount of drivel, its unreal, what is going on??By now i am nutting the telly while shouting Mlaaaaaaar and basically eating fags. I have lost the will to live and the sunny mood i awoke in has disappeared faster than my son creature when i ask him to wash the pots.
I'm going to lay down to recover from the shock. 8O

MEN GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! :evil: What is it about them eh? that is Sooooooooo Fecking frustrating, well i'm gonna tell you............they chase you, you let em , they tell you everything you want to hear but you don't really believe em, they keep telling you, and keep telling you so you think well maybe it is true that this person really is interested in me, wobbly bits, burping an' all then you kinda think you know what maybe I do lov...lov....lov... (No see I still can't say it) them too, but you know what I mean! then WHAM!!!! 8O like a lightening bolt We'll talk about it later, don't get too serious blah, blah, blah FFS :x GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! I'm going to go and have some chocolate now! :roll:

Have eaten me chocolate and calmed down now, and maybes I was over-reacting a tad allegedly 8O Sorry T but hey ho i'm a woman tis expected!!

..

Today ladies, i want to bend your ears with....car salesmen, yep those men who, upon you entering a garage with your other half to look around cars, leap on your other half, totally ignoring you, irrespective of who the car is for!.
Recently, my old banger decided it could no longer go the mile and so i decided it was high time i had a new one.
Knowing what i wanted sizewise etc ( no lower than a 1800cc engine) myself and my other half decided to go on a car hunt.
Salesmen materialised, seemingly from nowhere, elbowing each other out of the way, leaping over car bonnets starksy and hutch style...to get to hubby.
'Its for the missus' they were dutifully informed by my worst half.
'Oh, something small then?' smarms the salesman.
'Not as small as your brain' mutters me.
Suddenly instead of talking engines and the like, they turn on the 'i'm talking to a little woman' patter. You know the sort.
'Nice little car this, sexy red, economical but roomy enough for the kids and their gear, electric windows, girly button' etc.
GIRLY BUTTON? WTF?
'Its to help you with your parking modom, press it and more power steering kicks in' replies smarmy salesman, with enough oil in his smile to fry cod for a family of four in.
I see, and erm what exactly do you know about my parkin? i enquire whilst wanting to push his face into cabbage patch kid proportions.
Seething, i left the garage whilst having an explosive gripe to the other half about the possibilities of running the salesman over with the sexy red, economical, school run car. Then reversing it for effect over his now cabbage patched features.
Salesmen take note.
I do not want a car in a 'sexy' red
I do not want a car for school runs..my kids are adults!!
I do not want a car to clutter up with aforementioned kids clutter.
and...i DONT need a 'girly button'
So, next time you see a lady approach your forecourt, dont come rushing out sweeney style, dont patronise me, in fact..stay well away in the safety of you portacabin until I decide that i want to talk to YOU!!! :evil:

Went back to the UK for my birthday and Easter weekend. Was back there for about a week, had wonderful time with my OH and was great to see all my family as normally they are spread all over England, but we all got together for the Easter weekend. Now back in Italy and feeling a bit low, knew I would feel like this, just thought I would be over it by now. Miss my man so much, July (when I come home for good) seems like such a long way away. Sigh.

My OH has just started phase 2 training (nope hes not a spotty 17 yr old!!) at Deepcut (should i be wary...) after a lovely week and a half leave. Finding it hard with the 'will he call, wont he' (i feel like a kid again) and the fact that arrse makes me feel like all guys cheat and i shouldnt trust him. We're not married so cant live together *sigh* Its all fun

Originally Posted by Ms_Tich

My OH has just started phase 2 training (nope hes not a spotty 17 yr old!!) at Deepcut (should i be wary...) after a lovely week and a half leave. Finding it hard with the 'will he call, wont he' (i feel like a kid again) and the fact that arrse makes me feel like all guys cheat and i shouldnt trust him. We're not married so cant live together *sigh* Its all fun

I wouldn't pay too much attention to ARRSE if I were you - you'll probably find that the ones who shout the loudest are the ones who hide from their wives on the internet because they're so under the thumb

Good point and well presented Newt

ditto!