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9LikesDiscuss Not sure what to do, need some help! in The Lounge on Rear Party; I am coming on here to get this off my chest, as it is late and I really want to talk to my OH about this but he is on ex, and its too late ...
- 04-07-2012, 22:58 #1
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
Not sure what to do, need some help!
I am coming on here to get this off my chest, as it is late and I really want to talk to my OH about this but he is on ex, and its too late to ring anyone else to discuss it.
Bit of a family drama - I'll give you a bit of background, My mums next door neighbours, who she was friends with for 20 odd years until it all went Pete Tong about 4 years ago when the husband tried it on with my mum - she declined and told him where to go. He fessed up to his wife after he got worried that my mum would tell her and it went a bit nuts for a while, the wife accusing my mum of flirting with him and encouraging him, and said that my mum was always making eyes at him etc. This is a load of bollocks. Anyway, they stopped speaking and that was that. So today, out of the blue my neighbour rang my mum and told her that she wanted her to go round, my mum thought she was going to apologise so went round, only to be attacked verbally by this woman saying that my mum had ruined their lives and in not so many words that my mum is a home wrecker!! My mum didnt rise to the occasion, and said that she wasn't going to stay and be abused and left. The neighbour was screaming up the drive after her. The husband was conveniently at the library when all this happened but about half an hour after mum got back in the house there was banging on the front door.....the husband yelling at her saying that she's made things a hundred times worse and don't ever speak to us again!!! She hasn't spoken to them in 4 years!
The Jeremy Kyle gene in me wants to go down there and give them a piece of my mind, how dare they do that to my mum, she is completely innocent in all this and they are trying to blame her for the husband being a lecherous prick! My mum could do without all this, she's got loads going on health wise at the moment
The other half of me thinks my mum has dealt with it with dignity and pride and to leave it at that.
I'm probably going to stew on this all night, I want to punch their faces in at the moment. What would you do? I wish I could speak to OH, but sorry ladies/gents, I've dumped it on you!
- 04-07-2012, 23:19 #2
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
- Dare I say somewhere that feels a little bit like home already
If I'm honest back in the days when I was close to my mum I'd be ready to commit murder if someone treated my mum like that.
However nowadays I am a much calmer person and I would say that you need to handle this however your mum wants you to. I would make sure you are a more regular presence at your mums house if you can be so they know your mum isn't alone.
Essentially they are bullies. Clearly their marriage is up the shitter and they are looking for someone other than themselves to blame and your mum is their victim. The best way to deal with bullies is to ignore them where you can but I would also advise your mum to report the incident to the police just so that if it happens again they are aware that it isn't an isolated incident.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk"Never say never, because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion"
- 04-07-2012, 23:31 #3
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
I said to my mum shall I go round there, and she said well I don't think they know you know about what happened (my mum didn't tell me for ages after it happened so I was saying hi to them when I saw them for ages). She said she wanted to tell them that when I was younger I didn't like going out in the garden in my bikini because of him watching through the upstairs window, but she didn't stoop that low. I think she might like me to say something so she feels looked after and a little bit protected but perhaps she would say not to so there isn't any more drama. It kind of feels like I want to take that decision out of her hands. What a pair of twats.
I thought 2 kids had calmed me down, but I can feel the anger rising in me. I am very close to my mum and hate the fact that they are making her feel like this.
Reporting it to the police might be a good idea, thanks for the reply.
- 05-07-2012, 00:37 #4
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
If you have a Police Community Support Officer then it might be a good idea to get in contact. Repeated intimidation and/or harrassment could lead to ASBO being threatened which would certainly shut them up!
As for your feelings, if anything I'd feel sorry for the next door neighbours. Your Mum is very lucky to have a caring daughter who can support her in this. It sounds like next door have some marital issues which is deeply sad. I expect (as mentioned above) they are taking their anger out on your Mum when it is not her fault at all. If you did find yourself needing to confront them I certainly wouldn't do it in person, a letter might be a calmer way of telling them how dissapointed you are that they could not show your mother the decency and respect she deserves as their neighbour. Take the moral high ground - you are better than their slanging matches!
- 05-07-2012, 05:28 #5
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- With the lean green fighting machine
I am clearly not as calm as these two because I would be knocking on their door and telling them that if they ever pull a stunt like that again my mother would be seeking legal advice.viros non paenitet
"Wit is educated insolence."
- 05-07-2012, 08:17 #6
Police seems like a good idea, what ever you do you need to remember that your mum has to live next door to these mentally insane people and she really doesnt need anymore hassle from them so going round to talk to them may not be the best idea
- 05-07-2012, 09:28 #7
I'd go with the police option, let them know that other people are aware and she is not prepared to deal with being intimidated.
(But if I'm totally honest, if someone did that to my mum I'd be borrowing a dog from work, kicking down their door and warning them if they ever even looked at her again I'd set the dog on them - but I have management issues )
- 05-07-2012, 10:40 #8
While I would love to go round and give them a piece of my mind (if I was in your position) I think the reality is, she's already proved that talking to her will not evoke the reasonable discussion approach and you could been seen to be inciting her more.
I'd a) inform the local community bobby that you want it recorded and b) if you want to take it further with them, write it down (it's not a slanging match then) and get someone else to read it, who isn't involved, to remove the emotion so that you are essentially stating the facts and that she should stop harassing your mum etc.
As long as it's calmly written and factual it has 2 benefits, 1 - you/your mum can re-iterate the situation that was 2- you put it in writing so that you can take a copy for future reference if needed (i.e. police) 3 - written words generally sink in more and finally 4, you don't put yourself or your mum in the direct line of her anger and abuse, if she comes out afterwards you can choose to keep away, whereas if you knock at her door, it's more confrontational.
However, make sure someone reads it who can be calm about the contents.... as much as you will have a copy of the letter, so will she.Shit happens.... and in the forces, shit happens faster!
- 05-07-2012, 11:46 #9
- Join Date
- Sep 2011
It's a bit strange to leave it 4 years then suddenly decided to have it out with your mum. Do they still live next door? I'm guessing she's found out about something else her hubby has done and it's brought it to a head again. I definitely wouldn't stand for it though, even I'm intelligent enough to see when it's all my hubby doing the chasing or whether a woman is actually something to worry about. In that situation, the only thing I could be upset with your mum about was that she didn't tell me herself.
The letter might be a good idea, keep a record/copy of it though in case it does escalate to a police case.
- 05-07-2012, 13:50 #10
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
A letter is a good idea I think. I am still spitting about it and I think a confrontation at the door will only make things worse, I can lose my temper pretty quickly and given what she is doing I am likely to say something I regret. I am also guessing that something else has come up with him for the wife to have another go and yes they still live next door. She also said she had told all the other neighbours that my mum is a home wrecker. The street still has all the people I grew up with on it and where my mum is out working most days, the wife is running around everyone's houses spreading gossip. I really am having to stop myself from going down there. Luckily my mum is going away tonight for a long weekend so if the arguments continue next door she wont be there if they decide to go round again.
I am going to draft a letter, and speak to the police. Thanks for responses ladies.
- 05-07-2012, 14:35 #11
- 05-07-2012, 16:53 #12
Definately go with the letter idea from Feisty One, i often wonder what that girl does in work! Anyways, i digress, letter, inform the police so the incident is logged and then tell your mum that she has still 'got it', that may or my not cheer her up, i guess it would cheer me up if i was a woman and could stop playing with my ti.......ooops there i go again!Join the Army and feel a new man...Join the Navy and feel a new man EVERYDAY!!
- 05-07-2012, 17:56 #13
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
Just be careful with getting stuff logged with the police if she's thinking of selling the house any time soon - she would have to declare anything like that to a buyer.
- 05-07-2012, 18:09 #14
I'm with Ginge (not with Ginge, obviously, Feisty's with Ginge) but if I were your Mum I'd be trotting around with a bit of a "I'm still a babe" look on my face.
On a more serious note if I were your Mum I'd just ignore the daft wench. Wife of neighbour has enough on her plate with her very own Casanova. The lucky, lucky lady.