Thread: It's not all Doom and Gloom.

Originally Posted by Special_Tree

Can you not tell him together?

If you tell him together it'll feel like two grown-ups giving him a 'talking to' rather than a talking with him, and a three way conversation is harder to follow.

One to one you control the pace and the questions that are indicated by body language are easier to read.

I've never told anyone bad news or things that have serious implications other than on my own, it seems more like a chat and less like a lecture.

Fair enough.

But even when you've got yourself back together, don't write about it. You, your children and soon to be ex husband are now 'known'. Your kids will read about it at some point, and they could end up 'blaming' you.

This is private stuff, that in the long term will have the biggest impact on the children. It's not something for the public, it's between you, your bloke, the other woman and your friends who will turn up with wine and a shoulder/ear.

I don't like your blog, I think your opinion of yourself is a little OTT. I do however feel a lot of sympathy for your children and their future relationship with you and their dad, if you do decide to use this in your future work.

I hope your talk goes as well as it can.

G_S

Originally Posted by golden_showers

Fair enough.

But even when you've got yourself back together, don't write about it. You, your children and soon to be ex husband are now 'known'. Your kids will read about it at some point, and they could end up 'blaming' you.

This is private stuff, that in the long term will have the biggest impact on the children. It's not something for the public, it's between you, your bloke, the other woman and your friends who will turn up with wine and a shoulder/ear.

I don't like your blog, I think your opinion of yourself is a little OTT. I do however feel a lot of sympathy for your children and their future relationship with you and their dad, if you do decide to use this in your future work.

I hope your talk goes as well as it can.

G_S

Thanks...am dreading it.

I've been there. It's not a barrel of laughs. But as beebs said, keep it simple, be as honest as is suitable, and reassure them it's nothing to do with them.

It happens a lot, only difference really is you ended up in court & the papers. Children are tough, they'll cope.

Originally Posted by blessed_baby_cakes

If you tell him together it'll feel like two grown-ups giving him a 'talking to' rather than a talking with him, and a three way conversation is harder to follow.

One to one you control the pace and the questions that are indicated by body language are easier to read.

I've never told anyone bad news or things that have serious implications other than on my own, it seems more like a chat and less like a lecture.

I know what you're saying but I disagree. If it's handled in the right way both of them telling him could be much more beneficial. For a start they've been seperated for a year obviously I don't know how much contact hagar has had with the kids in this time but even before the split he was away a fair amount of I assume that Claire has been the primary caregiver.

That means that she will be able to relate to the child better and her presence will make him feel secure. There may be questions that the boy has for both mummy and daddy and it's easier if he can ask them at the same time so the topic doesn't keep being rehashed. Also both being present means both parties know exactly what was said so when the inevitable questions come at stupid o'clock in the morning after his brain has mulled it over for a while or is that just my son that does that?) and he says 'daddy said that' mummy knows exactly what daddy said so will know immediately if the child is confusing what was actually said.

I'm not suggesting a 3 way conversation, more a conversation initially led by Hagar until the child is ready to ask his own questions. if anything Claire's presence would be a silent one unless her son had something he wanted her to answer rather than his father. I guess she would be the childs security blanket for want of a better term.

I don't quite 'get' why you brought the question of how to explain this mess to your son here.

You have had a whole year to think about it and in which to seek advice from professionals, from the excellent staff at your son's school, and from those who know and love your children - or were you too busy blogging tat and killing various animals to recognise that soliciting last minute advice from a bunch of internet strangers with whom you have never so much as shared a shred of empathy through their own tribulations, might not be all that wise or appropriate?

Originally Posted by Heli

I don't quite 'get' why you brought the question of how to explain this mess to your son here.

You have had a whole year to think about it and in which to seek advice from professionals, from the excellent staff at your son's school, and from those who know and love your children - or were you too busy blogging tat and killing various animals to recognise that soliciting last minute advice from a bunch of internet strangers with whom you have never so much as shared a shred of empathy through their own tribulations, might not be all that wise or appropriate?

please ,please, please tell me , you're a bloke and i can marry you

Originally Posted by Tootsie_Le_Coq

But seriously, are we not supposed to be a supportive forum? We can't be posting on one thread "we are here for you" to a complete newbie, and then within half hour be in I&B bitching about a member/contributor who has clearly be to hell and back over the last 12 months.

When AMMM mentioned in one of her blogs that her and Hagar had separated, a lot of us made supportive comments regardless of her blog postings. The reality is that none of us knew what was going on behind the scenes. I have re-read some of those blogs and I feel totally awful that I did not pick up the fact that something was not right. Am I really the only one who feels that way?

Yep, you are.

Originally Posted by amodernmilitarymother

The children don't know. I have shielded them wholly. We are getting a divorce. Any advice on what to tell my 8 year old boy - would be welcome because I am at a loss! He's back at school on Monday.

Try telling him that when he grows up and gets married, not to let his dimwitted wife drink so much when heavily pregnant, whilst arrogantly portraying herself as the self-elected mouthpiece of Service wives - 99% of whom would not do something so bloody irresponsible.

Twat.

Originally Posted by amodernmilitarymother

This is really useful - thanks very much. Especially Beebs' - next problem - I think it should be Hagar not me or do you think I should do it?

why don't you just let The Sun tell him, like you do every other detail of your "private" lives?

Clown.

Originally Posted by Heli

I don't quite 'get' why you brought the question of how to explain this mess to your son here.

Allow me to outline her 'thought' process.

"I'm getting a pretty hard time here and not much sympathy. So I'll use my super-duper ninja PR skills to get their sympathy by talking about my children. They'll all go 'aaaaaahhhhhhh' and none of them will point out that if I gave a damn about my son's feelings I wouldn't mock and deride him on the internet as 'the grenade', nor would I be appearing in the Sun to try and make the story go on as long as possible rather than dying away."

You're welcome.

Originally Posted by amodernmilitarymother

The issue is do we tell him about the trial and what do we say?

Tell him that, even though you managed to keep it very quiet for a year and the trial is now thankfully over and you can go on with your lives... instead, you wish to drag him and his sister into the spotlight because of your shameless publicity-whore nature... putting your own unbelievable arrogance above the welfare of your children, touting your dullardry to such spotless publications as the Mail and Sun . That will undoubtedly help him understand the pointing, laughter and playground taunting he will doubtless endure for as long as you choose to prolong this sordid episode of your life... but hey, as long as everybody knows how hard this false accusation has been on their poor, egocentric mother.

Hope that helps.

Originally Posted by padme

please ,please, please tell me , you're a bloke and i can marry you

No, but I am and you may.*






* Subject to Terms & Conditions.

Sluggy or wonk mog? Can't be wonk mog because those posts were actually coherent and not bashed out through gnashing teeth.

Let's have a sweep stake!

I would like to request that if you can't stop the media spinning comments such as the pregnancy / drinking one you don't speak to them at all. Ever.

As an officer's wife, the general public and press consider you to be the pincacle of millitary socity, ie educated and intelligent; and if you, even inadvertently, cause the publication of comments like this it makes the rest of us look like complete dregs of society (especially in this instance).

Originally Posted by StuC

No, but I am and you may.*






* Subject to Terms & Conditions.

Have you forgotten something?

I'll give you a clue....

There was I, waiting at the church,
Waiting at the church,
Waiting at the church;
When I found he'd left me in the lurch,
Lor, how it did upset me!
All at once, he sent me round a note
Here's the very note,
This is what he wrote:
"Can't get away to marry you today,
My wife, won't let me!"

Originally Posted by Crafty

I would like to request that if you can't stop the media spinning comments such as the pregnancy / drinking one you don't speak to them at all.

I agree with the sentiment of your post, but it's not "media spin"; it's a direct quote from the dopey publicity-seeking halfwit:

"Mrs Macnaughton said she and her husband were good friends with the alleged victim, in her 40s, and her husband. ‘Kai had already become friends with her husband as he was involved in special forces operations in both Iraq and Afghanistan,’ she said. ‘I was heavily pregnant and I didn’t know anyone, so I needed her more than she needed me. We used to drink together – we drank a lot.’ "

Wife of RAF pilot Kai Macnaughton cleared of sex assault tells of family's 12-month ordeal | Mail Online

Please don't let AMMM hide behind any suggestion that her comments have somehow been taken out of context. She is clearly a fuckwit of the highest order, with no perception of real life away from her own little planet.

"Military Mother" my arse. If she had a shred of decency or vaguest sense of propriety, she would remove any mention of "military" from her wanky blog and cease trying to leverage her position as an ex-wife.

Fat fucking chance; in her head, it's all about her. :roll:

Originally Posted by Crafty

I would like to request that if you can't stop the media spinning comments such as the pregnancy / drinking one you don't speak to them at all. Ever.

As an officer's wife, the general public and press consider you to be the pincacle of millitary socity, ie educated and intelligent; and if you, even inadvertently, cause the publication of comments like this it makes the rest of us look like complete dregs of society (especially in this instance).

Its ok though, they are RAF so it only impacts on that bit of the forces .. honest it does!

Originally Posted by pixie

Its ok though, they are RAF so it only impacts on that bit of the forces .. honest it does!

If only!

When will the ten letter rule end?!

Originally Posted by blessed_baby_cakes

Have you forgotten something?

I'll give you a clue....

There was I, waiting at the church,
Waiting at the church,
Waiting at the church;
When I found he'd left me in the lurch,
Lor, how it did upset me!
All at once, he sent me round a note
Here's the very note,
This is what he wrote:
"Can't get away to marry you today,
My wife, won't let me!"

Oh bugger...