Thread: It's not all Doom and Gloom.

and because of what Heli said , i just can't feel sorry for that woman

Her advertising 'tab' has been removed over on the dark side! Given they're divorcing, so she's no longer going to be a mil wife.............?

Speaking personally, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It's a very strange state of affairs if what the papers have been reporting is accurate (and with my experience of court reporting, they're not usually wrong when it comes to direct quotes from court proceedings). I feel for the children, I'd really do.

Speaking professionally, continuing the MMM blog in its current guise would be folly - its reputation and credibility has been shot out of the water quite spectacularly.

Now we know why the prices where so high, legal defense costs.

Oh my bad.

Erm, maybe it's just me - but does anyone else have a problem with this statement:

"I was heavily pregnant and I didn’t know anyone, so I needed her more than she needed me. We used to drink together – we drank a lot."

How many of us 'modern millitary mothers' are into heavy drinking whilst pregant.....? Cos honestly I can't help feeling that this statement is highly detrimental to us as a comunity and shows us in a very bad light (ie if she's doing it then obviously the rest of them are). The media and general public already think little enough of us as it is without comments like that.....

To be fair to her I'm thinking that she may have been slightly mis-quoted. AMMM can't have been pregnant throughout the entire friendship! That's not saying that the great British public will look at it that way mind.

Originally Posted by bodger

To be fair to her I'm thinking that she may have been slightly mis-quoted. AMMM can't have been pregnant throughout the entire friendship! That's not saying that the great British public will look at it that way mind.

The children don't know. I have shielded them wholly. We are getting a divorce. Any advice on what to tell my 8 year old boy - would be welcome because I am at a loss! He's back at school on Monday.

I'd tell him edited highlights. He doesn't need to know all the sordid details. Sadly once something is on the internet it's there forever so he will probably find out at some point in the future but for now I'm sure something along the lines of 'Mummy and Daddy don't get along much (maybe use an example of when he falls out with a friend) so we're going to live seperatly. We both love you very much but we just don't love each other anymore.' will suffice

Try and have it clear in your own head some sort of basic form of access (i assume Kai will still be seeing the kids?) then you can give him some reassurance and stability by letting him know that he will still spend time with his dad. Don't give him false hope, so if there is no way back for your marriage, don't give the kids any ifs buts or maybes. They don't need to know any details of your marital problems just what the future will hold for them.

How about:

Mummy's friend thought daddy had hurt her. Daddy didn't think he did so they went to see a professional sorter outer and he thought daddy was right all along.

Alternatively:

If anyone gives you grief at school son just knock em on their arse.

There's a reason I'm not a counsellor.

We have been separated for a year. We already live in different houses. Thanks though - we are having an adults pow wow tonight to think it through. The issue is do we tell him about the trial and what do we say?

Whether or not you tell him would depend on how great you think the risk of him finding out from other quarters is. If you think there is a good chance he will hear things at school then you need to tell him something.

Again edited highlights. something along the lines of what Bodger said. Make sure you finish off however you tell him by reassuring him that even if he hears anything different, daddy is not a bad man and the professional sorter outer agreed with that and let everybody know so if anyone else says he is then they are liars (and like Bodger said should be drop-kicked).

Kids have a natural instict to adapt and you'll probably find that he gets his head around the situation quicker and easier than you have. Don't let it be a big deal around him and he won't consider it to be one either.

Originally Posted by amodernmilitarymother

We have been separated for a year. We already live in different houses. Thanks though - we are having an adults pow wow tonight to think it through. The issue is do we tell him about the trial and what do we say?

If you don't, other kids will. You have to find a way to explain in his terms that someone accused Dad of being naughty, but that the police (because he'll understand that more easily than the courts) said that Dad hadn't been naughty and it was a mistake. You have to prepare him though, the older kids will be telling him his dad is a rapist and a pervert because kids are generally speaking, nasty little fuckers!

Whatever you tell him, you also need to speak to the house matron (do they still exist?). He needs to be reassured that if any of the kids do say anything that he can discuss it with an adult. That adult can then decide whether to take it further.

Do you have half term over the next few weeks? Hopefully by the time they return to school it will be old news.

TLC x

It's never old news, it's always there waiting int he back ground to jump up and bit you on the arse.

Only you can judge the level of understanding, professionally, I'd say tell him the truth in a language he'll understand. All of the truth.

A long time ago Mummy and Daddy had a hard time being together, Daddy wanted to live here, he also felt he loved another lady, then he didn't (that covers the previous affair)

Recently Mummy and Daddy were again having a hard time and Daddy thought he had met a lady who wanted to be with him, but daddy was drunk and he got it wrong, the other lady felt that Daddy should be punished so she spoke to the police. Now the police are our friends, but they're also fair and have to listen to both sides of the story. After they did they didn't know who'd got it right, so they asked some other people and they said Daddy had been silly, he'd drunk to much and made a very silly and serious mistake for which he's very sorry. (that covers the incident, the aftermath and the alcohol involved)

People who don't know what happened will make things up, say things you don't like or understand and will think they're better than you. You can talk to me or Daddy at any time and we'll try to help you understand no matter how many times you ask we'll be honest with you and no matter what you say we won't get annoyed if it's what another person has said to you. (that covers the approach and re-approach and language issues)

And remember to remind him there are three sides to every story (that covers the life lesson of learning not to take things at face value.)

And you're still over charging in the cyber slave shop.

Beebs

This is really useful - thanks very much. Especially Beebs' - next problem - I think it should be Hagar not me or do you think I should do it?

Beebs - the prices are set by Spreadshirt not me. There is no margin in it to lose. I wish I could make it cheaper.

I think you should do it, there will be an air of Daddy's in the dog house anyway, no matter how well you think they've been shielded.

By you telling him it shows Daddy's sorry, feels bad and is upset, all very healthy things to be after you get things wrong.

Tell him Daddy's trying to be better now and you're working at being better friends to each other so you can be the best friends to him.

Can you not tell him together?

However or whatever you tell them, for the love of god, don't write about it.

Originally Posted by Special_Tree

Can you not tell him together?

Could do. This is really helpful..thanks so much.

Originally Posted by golden_showers

However or whatever you tell them, for the love of god, don't write about it.

Too exhausted too write anything about anything - this completely has knocked me for six.....need time to recover and then complete a project I have been working right up to the 11th hour that fingers crossed comes to fruition and has nothing to do with the military so that I can pay my bills, plus I have a backlog of product reviews to do as well. But first need to tackle this next hurdle of telling my wee boy.... and this has been really useful because I am genuinely flummaxed and appreciate the steer.