Thread: My Wedding - since when was it about family politics?

So my wonderful dream wedding in Italy has been cancelled due to expectations and family politics.

We now have to go back to the drawing board and try again and please all of the people all of the time.

I was just wondering the best way to handle this. I don't want to fall out with anyone but people seem to be forgetting that its about Mr B & I and they are damn lucky they have an invite to be part of such a special day.

The whole thing is really getting to me and i'm getting very close to saying balls to you all i'm not doing it

Why on earth have you cancelled it? Were they paying for it?

Firstly ((hugs))

Planning our wedding drove me crazy, but none of it mattered in the long run, or on the day which was fantastic and lots of fun I reckon anyone who gets through the stress of planning a wedding is meant to be married!

There is no easy way around family politics, unless you just get married where and when you want and say this is where its happening, you're welcome to be there, if not no worries we'll have a party when we get back .. good luck with whatever you both decide to do

Eurgh family politics are hell!!

We did the opposite to you, spent ages keeping everyone happy with a planned big wedding. I bottled out of it and it turned out he didn't want it that way either. So we went to the registry office booked the next available date and took it. We ended up getting married with 12 people in the room including ourselves, then went for a quick meal and that was us.

Admittedly the plan was to have a big party on the original wedding date using all the prebooked stuff so no-one actually knew we were already married as they had only been invited to the reception anyway but Mr tree in his wisdom went off and signed himself back into the army so we were moving across the country around the date that we were due to be having the reception.

It didn't go down well with the relatives and we were in the bad books pretty much until we had a big family party for little tree's christening instead.

To be honest though I don't really care! We did it the way we wanted to so as far as I'm concerned anyone who has a problem with that can go whistle. it's about you and Mr Bee, do what makes you happy and those who matter will just be happy that you are.

Has anybody suggested you just tell everyone to feck right off and crack on and do it your own way? If they haven't they should have.

Agree with bodger..

marry in vegas and drive on route 66 all the way to the east coast.......done

Originally Posted by bodger

Has anybody suggested you just tell everyone to feck right off and crack on and do it your own way? If they haven't they should have.

Hear hear. This is what we're doing. We have backed down on no family at all cos we can't be doing with the grief but we're having people who bother to phone/text/email us only - amounts to 10 people. The rest of them can sod off.

Originally Posted by Ms_Bee

We now have to please all of the people all of the time

You're never going to do this. Ever. Someone will always have their nose out of joint just cos they can. There are people who live for chances to make other people jump through hoops and some of us have more of them in the family than others.

It's your day and Mr B's day. Is it too late to uncancel Italy?

Nah, sorry. A wedding is your day, not your family's. We made arrangements for the wedding we wanted, not anyone else.

You really have to put your foot down and tell everyone to keep their noses out.

Originally Posted by Ms_Bee

So my wonderful dream wedding in Italy has been cancelled due to expectations and family politics.

We now have to go back to the drawing board and try again and please all of the people all of the time.

I was just wondering the best way to handle this. I don't want to fall out with anyone but people seem to be forgetting that its about Mr B & I and they are damn lucky they have an invite to be part of such a special day.

The whole thing is really getting to me and i'm getting very close to saying balls to you all i'm not doing it

Stuff them , it's YOUR wedding , do it the way YOU want .They may not like it but heyho they'll just have to lump it. No way will you be able to please everyone and you'll just end up a mess.
When I got married I wanted a simple Registry Office do but my Dad insisted on a Church Wedding as I was the eldest and first to get married . I enjoyed my wedding day but could have done with the money we spent going on other things.
Best of luck whatever you decide xx

Personally I would be very openly telling people it was my wedding and I wanted to go here (Italy in your case) and they could join in if they wished, if not no problem but it was my day so my choice

If you're paying for it, it's your choice, if they love you and care for you they will respect that.

If they don't, why would you want them there anyway.

Have to say that I agree with the ladies. Your day, your life, your dream ....

Seriously..... you need to tell them to feck off, its yours and Mr B's day, you were so excited too! Wow, hon, I am really sorry for you, don't let this ruin it, it will still go ahead and it will make you both stronger, and if not, keener to leave your family and join your H2B's family!

Chin up sweetpea, and you know what, NO, you don't have to please all the people all the time!

Talk to them, tell them to wind their necks in, otherwise, there will be a wedding and no invite for them, just a huge fat bill!

hugs xxxxxxx

Why not say you are going on holiday and then just get married? Deal with the flack when you get back?

If you let them walk all over you on this they will continue to do so for the rest of your marriage. Give me their phone numbers and I'll tell them for you, I've had a bad day

Originally Posted by dizzybird

Why not say you are going on holiday and then just get married? Deal with the flack when you get back?

Do that. Both my cousin and a very good friend got married in Italy they both had fabulous weddings. Tell them all to feck off

Tell the families to sod off, being a forces wife is all about taking control and being strong. Start as you mean to go on.

You know what, sod em!

Go to italy, you, your OH and say 4 close friends, keep it hush hush............eloping is fabulous and exciting, something you will defo remember. If family get the arse then sod em, it's not their day and if they were not so arsy about it, then you could have played ball.

Then when you're back, arrange a renewal of the wedding type thing as a reception with a buffet or sit down meal.

The plan was we were going to Italy and it was immediate family only (Parents, siblings & partners and Grandparents) and we were having a big party the following saturday for those who weren't coming (roughly translated thoses we didn't want there) however seeing as 'its a free country' those who weren't invited took it upon themselves to arrange to come to italy anyway. The intimate and romantic day has been ruined by the spoilt and selfish who think because they are 'family' (only when it suits) they have a god given right to be there.

They are right it is a free country and no I can't stop them coming unless I cancel the whole thing.

I appreciate that yes i'm the first in the family to get married and yes it is exciting (well it should be) but you don't just walk into my life because you think there is a free bar!! A free bar which will only result in you all getting tanked up and fighting because none of you can let the past go and leave things lie.

P.s. Miss P only 10 days to go? I'm so excited for you I could pee!! xx