Thread: when's the best time to marry?

Hmmm I met Mr Dragon when I was 17 (and so was he) and he was already in the Junior Leaders... we were married at 19, and do I regret it???... welllllll on the odd... naaa only joking, 31.5 years and still an army wife. Ok, I'm most CO's nightmare, cos I know the system inside out, and know that you can't break it.... but you can bend it if you know where to push hard!!!!

I was once asked what the secret of a happy marriage was, and I think I said, 'having time apart'. There's a lot of truth in that, it gives you both time to have your own space, and follow your own lives without it impeding the other. Lets face it ladies, I know tours aren't much fun, but it is nice occasionally to have the remote to yourself, and watch all the girly films and stuff, with a bar of chocolate and a glass of wine, with no hang dog expressions about....'you're not watching Titanic for the 93rd time?' or 'but the footy is on the otherside'.

Course the other bonus to them going away occasionally is... the coming home night.....

'jonny' remove the advert from your sig block or I will ensure every post you make gets binned! Thanks...poppet!!

I'm 24, married at 23, first wedding anniversary coming up and with hubby being away for 8 months or so of it have come across a lot of different opinions of my age. When I arrived I was the youngest on the patch, I'm now the second - whoo! But I've made friends with women older than my Mum and a with women a few years older with a couple of kids so I think I'm pretty much accepted now. I didn't think 23 was that young though! Younger than I'd ever imagined personally but that's Hubby for you. When he decided he wanted to get married it was "to get married, not stay engaged", he wanted 3 months and I managed to push him to six months before the big day - well he hadn't even met my parents! Oh and we were dating for under a year before but had been very good friends for two years previous.

I met my now hubby when he was going through a divorce, and I wasn't really ready for a serious relationship after some personal problems. 8 months after we met I was pregnant with our 1st child. when she was 2 years old we got married, I was 6 months pregnant with our 2nd.
I was 25 when we met.
There isn't a right or wrong time.
If you think he's the right man for you then go for it.

Aw, i was the same as you, we were suppose to be getting married in 2009! And have only got round to it now (10th Dec 2011) Infact im not even excited...the anticipation has gone! But I'm 24 anyway to answer your question!

I think it is good to know each other totally before deciding to get married. I met with a guy at the age of 20 and we both fall in love. We both are about 23 and now after this long relationship, we decided to get married. Now we are enough capable of understand each others feeling.

I think it's really important to really know your spouse when you get married. I feel like you should have been together for a couple of years and at least lived together for 1 year. Everything changes when you live together. You really get to know the real person. Also you are really really young. I'm not saying it doesn't ever happen that people meet their partner so young but think in 10 years your only 28. I 'm just not sure if I understand the rush to get married.

Originally Posted by Pina Colada

I 'm just not sure if I understand the rush to get married.

In that case you ought to read the other thread about getting married/bringing weddings forward (can't remember what it's called).

If I'd lived with Mr B before we got married we would have separated before the wedding and never seen each other again. I know for a fact that that bit of paper did actually keep us together for the first 2 years. Thank God.

How do I get threads I have started deleted?

Why delete? It started a good discussion. Hope it's not cos things have gone wrong. To answer your question hit the edit button and it will give you an option. If they're too old pm the mods.

SCIENTIFIC FACT: the human brain continues to develop new neural pathways in the brain at such a rate that it affects personality until the age of 24. Until you are 24 you cannot biologically know your own mind. Nobody can. It's impossible. Something to consider.

I know people who have married younger than that and gone on to have long lasting, fulfilling, happy marriages. And people who were older when they got married and were miserable until the inevitable divorce.

Crucially, for a marriage to last you must both grown in the same direction. Nobody knows if that'll happen. Til it's happening. Or not.

I got married having been with himself for 2 years. He was 29. I was 24. 3 and a half years in, so far so good. Good luck to you too.

Originally Posted by bodger

If I'd lived with Mr B before we got married we would have separated before the wedding and never seen each other again. I know for a fact that that bit of paper did actually keep us together for the first 2 years. Thank God.

Bodger, I agree completely! We had a really rough first two years (I was sort of deported, long story) and other crap stuff kept happening and we seperated for a bit, but at the end of the day we turned to eachother and said, it's not just a piece of paper, it's a promise to do our best, so let's work at it.

Some people say, "lets try harder for the kids" but as we have none, we said "we gave our solemn vows and we ain't quittin' that." Sad fact is a lot of people think relationships are disposable and marriage (and the hassel of divorce) is incentive to stick it out when it's tough.

I'm totally echoing Bodger's thoughts right now, sometimes it feels like the piece of paper is the only thing keeping us together! but things will change, and they will get easier, I'm starting to realise that! We're just learning to live with eachother.

Mr B got married at 22. He had never lived with his first wife and they didn't work. The bit of paper wasn't enough and he left at her at 24 and was divorced by 25.

He said he's never ever ever get married again.....................

But i'm just too good to let go and we will be strutting down the aisle in just over a year (54 weeks not that i'm counting or anything!)

I don't think there is a right time and a wrong time to marry - I think there is a right person and plenty of wrong 'uns. I also think it's too easy to give up and walk away.

I'm in kind of the same situation as you. I'm 18 almost 19, and he's 23. We've been together just over a year now and engaged for 8 months.
I think marriage depends on the situation these days..if you need to be married because of deployment and that stuff, then try as soon as possible..but make sure you know its the right thing to do. I had a boyfriend once, and I was only with him because I was scared to loose him, not because I loved really loved him.
I'm at uni at the minute and me and my fiance see eachother every weekend, although he's in Cyprus atm. But we're planning on getting married the year I finish university..because then we can live together when I leave here and by that time I'll be 21 and we'll have had a few more years together first.

So my advice is: it depends on the situation when someone gets married and also you need to know its the right thing to do..we're still very young! So for you thinking of 2014 is probably best because like me, it adds a few more years to the relationship

Originally Posted by Mrs_America

Bodger, I agree completely! We had a really rough first two years (I was sort of deported, long story) and other crap stuff kept happening and we seperated for a bit, but at the end of the day we turned to eachother and said, it's not just a piece of paper, it's a promise to do our best, so let's work at it.

Some people say, "lets try harder for the kids" but as we have none, we said "we gave our solemn vows and we ain't quittin' that." Sad fact is a lot of people think relationships are disposable and marriage (and the hassel of divorce) is incentive to stick it out when it's tough.

Agreed Mrs America. I do sometimes feel there is a fatalistic culture where marriage is concerned today. Many just give up and go for divorce at the first sign of pressure. Lets face it, no one's life is fun all the time, we have bills to pay, responsibilities with children and family and life in general. The good old forces life throws an enormous pile of shite on top of everything that life in general has to offer. That's when you have to dig deep, and decide just how strong you are. Each time you manage to come through a 'dip' in the relationship, it should make your 'team' a lot stronger.

I like this poem, I think it says it all really:

On Marriage
Kahlil Gibran
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.


Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.


Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Oh my gosh I love this forum and all of you lovely, lovely people!! Every question I have had in my head has been answered here! I never wanted to get married as I feel that it is just a peice of paper, its just my view but I feel if you're together, you're together! But since being with a military man and the more research I've done its better to be a wife than a girlfriend. He has been hinting very heavily recently. For heavens sake he bought me a book called "The Soldiers Wife" for my birthday and his mother called for a chat and asked if he was still buying us a house to live in together?! He did not mention this to me! LOL! Its funny how I can feel the change in him...its almost like he...like he is broody! Ha ha ha! Keep me sane for I feel it coming, I just hope its not at the commissioning ball! I am 24 years old, he will be 28 in October and we have been together 1 year and 1 month