Thread: Moving out of barracks???

Very true, I've thought that there seems to be a "cant be bothered, everything is too much effort" and it is very infectious as you say. We keep telling him that he has to stick it out and that things will get better when he finally settles and the wether gets better and the "season" starts again.

Were we live is a social and cultural dead zone for youngsters (and us olds as well) so anything Cyrus has to offer is going to be a lot better.

Originally Posted by charlie_five

He's only been here a couple of months and Cyprus in winter is not the most fun to be had! (it's raining as we speak and has been doing so for the past few weeks) It's colder than people think and the beach is a no go for a couple of months yet. When the weather gets better, people go out more, the tourist resorts open again and there are more things to do, although Ayia Napa square and now Protaras are Out of Bounds.

I find on this camp there is a certain amount of 'can't be arsed-ness' and unfortunately that can be a bit infectious. He'll be fine once he's settled in but he has to find his own feet! I've been here for 2 years and although I'm always generally busy with work, playing sport, diving etc I do get a bit socially frustrated!

In the summer he will love it. C5 has it spot on. This winter has been really quite depressing event wise too. Things will change this summer too because there is a changeover happening. Sadly I will be returning to the UK when this does. If he makes the most of life here you will hardly hear from him.

Originally Posted by dizzy.chick

This is going to sound really harsh (monday blues and all that) but maybe he needs to make these mistakes for himself. If he is 22 he is a grown man and should be able to stand on his own feet and if he can't then he will soon learn.

I can't help reading and thinking is this boy 12 or 22- lets just put this in perspective a little- at 22 I was budgeting for Mr D and me to get a house- six months later when I was 23 I bought said house whilst Mr D was off doing his thing- I refurbished it and moved us in- all on my todd. I do the finance and Mr D does the DIY (after I show him how!) but the point is there is no reason he can't move out and do all this for himself. if he messes it up he can go back to block- hell Mr D has had lads who drunk all their pay over a weekend and couldnt afford food on a Monday! The army acted like a safety net- he wouldnt get that in civvie street so its probably a good time for him to see if he can manage on his own.

Yes, very mcuh grown up and making idiot mistakes, mainly financial ones for the last 5 years, bascially due to impulse buys and not bothering to pre plan and ask others opinion. At 22 you know everything

What does living in barracks cost them - does it depend on which one?

Originally Posted by charlie_five

He will need permission to live out (and I do believe that part of this is a security issue) but there are plenty of places to rent in the nearby villages of Pyla and Oroklini. He'd probably be able to pick up a decent 1 bed apartment on a complex for less than 500 euros a month but I've no doubt that's probably a lot more than he's paying now, leaving much fewer beer tokens to play with!

This camp is very quiet and seems to be getting smaller and smaller so there aren't as many people kicking around; he maybe needs to find something to keep him occupied....I can thoroughly recommend learning to scuba dive!

Shared houses, oh dear, daughter lived in shared houses and flats for the past 6 years, all girls, mixed girls/boys and mixed students/working people and they are grim and dire (eight moves she has had) - the horror stories are all very true

Originally Posted by Armylady

I think they need permission too move out of barracks, A friend of ours lives off barracks him and a few lads private rent a house. They seem to enjoy and he said it gives him his own space which is not ruled by the army so he enjoys it.

Sorry i can't be much more help x

Reading through this thread the over-riding thing I thought was 'poor bloody bloke'. I think it's time to cut the apron strings and let him make his own mistakes. It doesn't sound as though he's asking your permission to live out, which is good considering he's 22 years of age and the only permission he's going to need for anything in the foreseeable future is his CO's.

PS - Dizzy's nicer than me and apologises for being harsh!

Originally Posted by bodger

Reading through this thread the over-riding thing I thought was 'poor bloody bloke'. I think it's time to cut the apron strings and let him make his own mistakes. It doesn't sound as though he's asking your permission to live out, which is good considering he's 22 years of age and the only permission he's going to need for anything in the foreseeable future is his CO's.

PS - Dizzy's nicer than me and apologises for being harsh!

As already said the apron strings were cut 5 years ago when he went to college and he has been making his own decisions since, including some very bad ones we have had to sort out for him including financial misjudgements (dying his hair orange was one mistake, 1st of many!)
He has been left home nearly 2 years.
He does not need our permission but I doubt wether he realises yet that he needs permission from anyone else.
As said at the start he mentioned this in passing to his Dad but not to me. Otherwise we would have had a discussion about it.

mmhoc12,

Honestly I am trying to keep my cool but I am having a REALLY bad day. He may have moved out but trust me you have not cut the apron strings- in fact you sound a lot like my mum- must have an opinion on EVERYTHING I do. Is never satisfied to let me make my own mistakes and always feels the need to say I told you so.

He is a big boy- trust you have done enough that he can cope with the fallout. Oh and he will KNOW about getting permission- it is something he will be very aware of!

Just be prepared to be firm when he comes running that he has made another mistake just be supportive and try not to judge. Its when us 20 somethings decide its just not worth the hassle that comes with a discussion!

As dizzy said, he'll know exactly whose permission he needs, hence the reason why he didn't discuss living-out with you. He's a big boy. Like you said, he moved out 5 years ago so what he does now is really and truly down to him. Nobody learns lessons in life better than making mistakes and it's not written in stone that he's going to get himself into trouble is it? Give him a chance the poor bugger.

I understand that you want to help/stop your son from making big mistakes. I do, I really get it. In your shoes I would probably want to do the same thing, BUT your son at 22 has got to be allowed to make his own mistakes. If he gets into debt it is his debt and not yours. If you continue to bail him out you are not teaching him a life lesson that he needs to learn.

As an aside I know a man that is younger than your son who is smothered by his mother (his words). She is all over his Facebook, emailing, texting, stressing constantly. Her son has now refused any contact with his mother, and will not speak with her at all because he is sick of her "running his life" (his words). Don't be like that. Let him live his life and then he will probably come back to you regaling you with stories that will make your toes curl!

As said in the 1st message this was a discusssion about the pros and cons of moving from barracks to other accomadation.

Not a discussion about bad parenting

No, you asked about the pros and cons and then started going on about how you don't think he would be able to cope. The huge pro with him doing this while he's in the army is that he's got a huge amount of back-up if it does all go tits up. They won't let him starve and if he gets into debt there's plenty of help available. If he's only two months into his first posting he may well not be allowed to live out anyway and if he's as hopeless as you seem to think he is I doubt he'd last long before heading back to the safety net of the block. I think it cost Mr K about £60 a month to live in the block last time btw although I don't know if that's different in Cyprus.

The thought of my kids leaving home, living abroad, managing their own finances and heaven forbid going out at night-time terrifies me. It is the thought of them being early 20s and walking down the road on their own in the dark that gives me utter nightmares. Or the girls waiting in a taxi rank at 2am - that one just brings me out in a cold sweat. But the reality is that I will have to come to terms with it as it is I know it is only a few years away and I can not wrap them up in cotton wool. I know that a part of me is going to be similar to the OP!!!?

My advice would try to think of it all as a big adventure for him and try to look at it all like little phases. So, yes he might rent a flat but realistically it might not last for long as one of them is bound to get posted, or one day they might just all decide to move back into the block. Either way, it has been experience, he had the financial responsibility and learn some lessons and has some great memories.

TLC x

No-one said you were a bad parent, they might have thought you were over bearing though. Can you not think back to being his age and how you would have felt to have your Mum try and sort your life out for you?

I moved out at 18, 200 miles from parents, found myself a place to stay and learnt that if I didn't buy food, I didn't eat etc...

I knew my parents were there for advice if needed, but they wouldn't bail me out if I got it wrong.

*mumbles* years later on, yes, I made mistakes, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and the position he's in, there will be people to help him if needed, while making him take responsibility.

I don't see any Cons of this, either he'll sink or swim, if he swims - brilliant, if he sinks, he'll learn some valuable lessons...

Just make sure if he sinks and he comes to you with money problems, you offer advice but keep the purse closed.