blondiie

What a mouth full that Is! Feel It needs to be celebrated we are over the 100 mark I darn't say this week has flown over as this next one will drag! Oh well I just did, Just under 3 left!! Can you belive It!

Had a lovely week last week, went out shopping, managed to buy my dream little black strapless dress in a size 12 which was my goal for Christmas to fit into a "party" dress, as I'v always just went out in jeans and a top, I'm 18 I should be being youthful I have my 50's to wear jeans! Well almost 19! I'm dreading taking the leap, as I think that 18 you still get looked at in a childlike way off parents and family? Maybe I'm the only one who thinks that, but i feel this is a big step to becoming even more independant than I already am! Eeeeek. Imagine that, me a proper adult? Scary thought.

Looking forward to my birthday, got the day off work, going to go to the gym (yes I know, sadact) but I fancy a nice leisurley workout then a nice sauna followed by maye a sunbed, I think the rays might lift my mood as I'm expecting to be a little bit sad since Mr Blondes Isn't here, but life has to go on, birthdays still have to happen and I still have to live whether he's here or not.

Was having a strange conversation with my mum about the way it is, as I struggle when he says he misses me, like it tears me up, because theres nothing to miss (let me explain) I mean, I'm at home, living my normal life, doing normal things, going about the day the same way I would if he was here, apart from sending emails rather than texts, so I find it hard to grasp, how he can miss me when I'm just doing what I normally do....Whereas from my point of veiw; this may sound harsh, but it's not meant to..I miss him because he's the one who had to leave? Like he's not here, so I miss him, whereas thats his job, and I just have to wait. Argh I feel like I'm going round in circles, does that make any sence though?

My train tickets also arrived at the weekend so I am very happy, feel like everything is falling into place, all worry and doubts have been replaced with excitement and I've started to get my sparkle back! ( how early haha :P ?) Knowing my heart is no longer stretched as far as it has been for the past 3 months has gave me some closure, that he really is coming home to me, and all this crap about change, I should just ignore as it comes from mindless people! When I think about it, I'v spoken to him everyday since he's gone and not once have we ever got those awcrad moments or nothing to talk about, maybe a few moment where i'v sighed and been like, i want you back, but nothing awful, thats made me ever doubt we should be together. Nothing has changed and if it was going to it would have while we talk everyday, and if something wasn't right i wouldnt waste my time emailing him and i'm very sure he'd rather be out on drink or jumping in the sea than emailing me or ringing if that was the case! I speak to hime quite abit more with him visiting different ports to at the moment so It's just like he's on duty and not home for a month or whatever. I think it will just take a few hours/days to get back into the swing of things, and being around each other, as i'v never spent any real time with anyone since he's been gone!

Well I think thats my mind nice and clear for tonight so maybe a few glasses of pink wine is on the cards, along with writing another letter about homecoming (i wil never get boredd).

Thanks for reading,

Blonds x