blondiie

Hello,

Havn't written for a while, didn't know where to write, so writing this and it's probrably still in wrong sodding place!!! Sorry Evil_A!

Can't belive how far I've come today means only 5 weeks, which means tomorrow is 4 weeks and 6 days

Been feeling really poo latley, with thanks to most of the ladies on here I've came out smiling, yet again, I totally understand where people where coming from when they said, you sail (sorry for pun) on through and think your getting there and being all posetive about it and then the fact homecoming is actually coming, makes you go all funny. Like, really funny, I've felt like I was back to square one, back to the first day and have no idea how many days this month I've wanted to just hide under my duvet and not come out til he's home!

It's the biggest mix up of emotions ever, ranging from the first week, which was all, god will he remember me, will he still love me when he's home, will he have changed, i wounder what he's up to, i wounder when he'll ring and now when he's on his way coming back, it's like shit he's actually coming back, i'm all muddled up in the counting down to things, i actually forget that he is actually coming home, and i will no longer miss him, and will no longer be clinging to my phone all day and refreshing my emails every half hour.

Is it wrong I am feeling sad? and lost yet again? and that I just want him home now? Is that being selfish? I feel like I've been waiting forever?

As you all know I am a worrier, and I probrably just need to chill and everything else will fall into place. It's just hard being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and not actually being able to get there as quick as we would like.

I've been watching a series on channel five called "warship" it has been really interesting learning about my career will eventually be like in the navy, but also a massive insight to what he actually does. So maybe i should just cut him some slack when I'm annoyed that he's so busy and will be so tired when he gets back, i get so choked on the phone when i hear how shattered he is, cos i know i'd be able to make it better and can't do a thing about it.

I feel like we're starting to get close again but still feel so distant, if that makes any sence either? like we have pretty deep conversations latley about life and where we'll be in 10 years time or what we'l be doing in a year from now and where we see ourselves and just realising how much we actually care for each other? but then when it's over and said goodbye i feel so helpless, i know thats a feeling i'm pretty much used to now.

but i just want my boy home, also unhappy not heard from him today,

maybe next weeks blog will be so much more happy

i am happy really, just my head and heart is going at 100mph and life is going at 10mph so i'm all over the place really.

I've came so far, just this last bit is so hard, bit like a marathon, that last mile seems to drag on FOREVER!

Cannot wait to get my hands on him and give him the biggest cuddle ever

Over and out, Blonde one x